grumpy era

"family is complicated, isn't it?" "... i wouldn't know." "sure you wouldn't."

‘fuck the creed! I hope they all get eaten by big snakes!’ WE LOVE A CALLBACK

peanut m&ms really lucked out on the fact peanuts exist. they'd be such a letdown otherwise, not to mention confusing to most people

running out of ibuprofens to give

[the most low energy you have ever seen me] we’re about to go crazy mode

My sick one true love fetish……… my disgusting monogamous shipping……..

dead wife who was MEAN and slept without a TOP SHEET and only went to the beach when it was OVERCAST to SCOWL at the waves

You've heard of "they fell first/they fell harder", now get ready for "they fumbled first"/"they fumbled harder".

"i wish they would fight then have crazy gay sex" "pussy so good it changes the course of the narrative" "knife to my neck (romantic)" ok max black sails did all these effortlessly but do you even care

can we bring back the term "fair-weather friend" bc I feel like if fair-weather friends got called that more this whole argument about whether or not you should be there for your friends when it's inconvenient/at what point of personal inconvenience it's ok to bail on your friends would kinda fall apart bc like. we literally have a word for "friend who's only there when you don't need something from them" because the baseline expectation is that a friend should be there even when it sucks. like we used to make fun of people for bailing on their friends.