aspiring to gain

asexuality is when you’re not interested in what society broadly views as “sex.” that is, at least in a heterosexual context, you may not be interested in PIV sex, oral sex, making out, potentially anything that falls under that category. that’s not the stuff that drives you, that’s not what you’re looking for or fantasizing about. you might still be a very sexual, horny person. it’s just that, for lack of a better term, “mainstream” sex, whatever that means to you whether you’re gay, straight, etc, isn’t what you’re into.

there’s probably a whole world of writing on this topic and i’ve really only scratched the surface, but that’s what the term seems to mean based on what i’ve read and observed. but sometimes, i’ll see asexuality described as a total lack of a sex drive. you’re not interested in anything or attracted to anyone. the other day i saw one of those kink jar type things and there was a “hypersexual” to “asexual” slider, with those two representing opposite ends of the same spectrum. so for the purposes of that slider, asexuality is the lack of a sex drive? or is this in regard to how strongly you desire “mainstream” sex? i truly have no idea. i think a lot of that “it means you don’t have a sexuality at all” idea that most people think about when it comes to asexuality comes from most people having no conception of sex outside of “mainstream” sex. to them, and i’m just talking about heterosexuality here since it’s where my perspective is, if you don’t like PIV, you’re asexual. going back to that spectrum and my possible understanding of it, an “asexual” person could still be “hypersexual,” but that hypersexual desire is directed towards something other than “mainstream” sex. there’s likely some other, better term for someone with no real sex drive at all, but i’m currently unaware of what it may be.

but after being lucky enough to experience feedism and other kinks in my life, i realized that i’m not asexual. simply put, the “mainstream” sex i was normally completely uninterested in was suddenly far more appealing when i was engaging in it with another feedist who i already was very physically and emotionally attracted to. there’s still some things i need to figure out. for example, being with a fat feedist girl made me desire PIV sex for maybe the first time in my life. i tried it before many times in the past, but it never felt good until then. is that the only kind of person i want to do it with though? i’ve been with a skinny feeder only once and had no interest in doing it with her. is it because she was skinny, or was it because, as i realized later, i actually wasn’t attracted to her emotionally or physically (regarding things other than her weight) at all? the jury is still out on that one.

but in general, i know that i can definitely, and happily, engage in and fantasize about “mainstream” sex when it’s mixed in with feedism/fat admiration, the central fetishes that dominate my sexuality.

if you are a feedist or someone with a strong fetish and consider yourself asexual, more power to you. i support you and who you are, and i hope you find happiness and love. but for people like me who have been teetering on the fence, the only way to know for sure is to try. make the effort, live this out with people who share your desires. exploring feedism can be a unique way to express sexuality outside of “mainstream” sex. and if you also desire that “mainstream” sex, it can be included into feedism so easily. feedism in general can provided such a rich tapestry of desire and connection, so no matter where you fall, you’re going to have a good time.