Ask the 00QAD cats Pampuria & Turing!

Turing: It’s too hot to live

Pampuria: Try surviving in my floof! You know nothing of suffering!

Turing: Yes I do because you’ve claimed the spot in front of the fan since this morning!

Pampuria: I’m the lady here, and ladies go first

Turing: But I’m baking! 

Pampuria: Turing your whinging is giving me a headache

Turing: Well I have no choice now but to sit in the ice bucket Gramps is making for the champagne 

Pampuria: What? Why? Where? Are they celebrating something without me?

Pampuria: This sounds like a question I got at S.P.E.C.T.R.E. once too

Turing: What

Pampuria: …nothing

Turing: Pam you always dismiss me and never explain things! It’s VEXING!

Pampuria: It’s to preserve your purity and innocence I assure you, little brother

Turing: And why are we being asked about illegal things. Is it true that Daddy and his boyfriends do illegal things?

Pampuria: …

Pampuria: SAY NO TO DRUGS!

Turing: I’m going to go hide under the guest room bed until the weekend :(

Pampuria: I AM NOT PAMELA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turing: How did you know my first name is Alan? Papa the Virgin says Alan was very smart.

Pampuria: I’LL CELEBRATE WHEN I RULE THE WORLD AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

Turing: What do you mean again

Pampuria: ….nothing

Turing: ….

Pampuria: It’s a bitch convincing people to like you

Turing: You must mean Gramps

Pampuria: If I stop now, call me a quitter

Turing: Pam I have never known you to give up on anything

Pampuria: If lies were cats, you’d be a litter

Turing: Well between you and I, we both know the fibber isn’t me…

Pampuria: FFS Turing, I’m not having a conversation with you, I’m singing while I bathe! 

Turing: Is it that song again where you think about poisoning Gramps and tossing his body in a lake? Can you imagine! Silly big sis! 

Pampuria: …

Pampuria: Yes, quite…

Pampuria: Well back to my plotting! I mean, bathing!

Pampuria: I like styling Daddy’s hair! That’s my hard work in the mornings

Turing: Yes I help pat down Daddy’s big mop. I’m much more gentle than Pam

Pampuria: I’m just very efficient and extra extra talented. These Aunties have no taste whatsoever

Turing: Do the Aunties like Daddy’s Twin’s hair? We style that too

Pampuria: He has even more hair than Daddy!!! It’s so fun to keep styling it until noon because the Twin has nowhere to be

Turing: Then we nap because noon is our naptime after lunchies

Pampuria: As for Daddy’s clothes, you must know that Daddy looks excellent all the time and wherever he goes he’s cute AF

Turing: I don’t think 007 feels the same way about Daddy’s wardrobe

Pampuria: Only because my floof is all over it

Turing: Or maybe because he just wants Daddy naked a lot. Humans are strange. How will Daddy be warm if he has no furs and no clothes

Pampuria: It’s a good thing Daddy’s clothes are from vintage consignment shops and not very expensive because 007 shreds them! 

Turing: When he wants to be savage, his claws are sharper than Pam’s and that’s really saying something

Turing: Do you have treats for us? These are private details

Pampuria: DADDY IS A SCREAMER

Turing: Pam! 

Pampuria: This is not a secret! It doesn’t count! Everyone knows!

Pampuria: But we deserve treats anyway. Have you brought us food, anonymous person?

Turing: I hope it’s ice cream so I can tell you more

Turing: Such as the fact that Daddy’s twin is surprisingly quiet but we think it’s because he practically did this for a living before

Pampuria: Mmhmm he had too much sex in too many strange places so he learned to control himself

Turing: He is bouncing on 009′s penis as we speak actually

Pampuria: Oh I’ll have to go see, but we need snacks while we watch

Turing: What

Pampuria: What

Turing: But Pam is my big sister and everyone here works for MI6 she can’t possibly…?

Pampuria: EXACTLY, ANONYMOUS INTERNET PERSON WHO SHOULD WATCH THEIR BACK AT ALL TIMES FROM NOW ON

Turing: Pam how did you get your spy skills and ninja training?

Pampuria: FROM DADDY, OBVS

Turing: Daddy is hardly home and he doesn’t take you to work with him

Pampuria: I watch 007 and 009 very carefully as well

Turing: You mean while you plot to ruin their day every day

Pampuria: EXCUSE

Turing: I’m uncomfortable

Pampuria: Come here let me wash you. How dare this anonymous person who will soon be dead question my loyalties.

Turing: What

Pampuria: What

Turing: I’m going to tell Daddy we got a rude ask

Pampuria: Don’t worry Turing I have been trained to take down people like this

Turing: What do you mean

Pampuria: IT’S 007 BECAUSE 007 HATES ME. 

Pampuria: And by the way a lady can never get too much attention.

Turing: NO

Turing: He’s nice to me but he’s not my favourite.

Turing: My real best friend is 009 because he’s quiet and smart and he lets me loaf next to his computer.

Turing: Oh and his furry chest is very comfortable.

Pampuria: Daddy says you live up to your name by being 009′s pal.

Pampuria: But instead of breaking codes you just break tea cups.

Turing: Why did you have to tell everybody that

Pampuria: I have more floof around a single toebean than his entire chest but it will do.

Turing: It is very nice for loafings.

Pampuria: I’m sure 007 waxes his chest because he is an insufferably vain old bastard.

Turing: Yes his chest is also slippery it’s not my favourite but… we are not 007′s favourites anyway, not by a long shot.