OHHHH, THIS WAS GETTING COMPLICATED! took all of his energy to try and apply a modicum of empathy to the situation. dear lover, stranded in practically prehistoric times for so long, watching old, forgotten history pass them by. and if he thought it sounded dull, imagine living it! and yet he didn't want to put himself in the other's shoes. didn't want to think about how he may have changed - people don't change! they're born shit, they die shit, end of story! wanted it to be simple.
add time travel into the mix, and he wanted to sit down.
he was already sitting down.
by the time his husband's latest monologue had finally concluded, the time agent found himself with his head in his hands, nursing a headache. it was a good thing he was cute. โ great, thanks. โ he grumbled impulsively, before swallowing hard. eyes flickered to jack a moment, then averted. โ ... i didn't mean that. โ
a pause, before finally, dramatically, he found himself lying back on the bed, as far down as he could go before head would hit wall behind them. it was difficult to think about... being abandoned. but what was worse was imagining the future. where they were meant to go now. if there was even a path forward they could navigate. if jack even wanted that. he was here... that was great. but what about tomorrow?
โ ... look, the point i was trying to make was, you lumped me in with all those... tiny little fuckin'... whatever. โ the language that he had for the kind of people jack had spent hundreds of years around inside his head was too colourful to pass along. โ which, aside from everything else, is bleedin' insulting, by the way. you ain't weird 'cause you're immortal - you're weird 'cause you're you. โ with the terrible bedhead, and the bright fashion, and the cheesy one liners, all of it. โ and before you knew them, you knew me. you knew me. more than anyone else, by a long shot! and somewhere down the line, you made that decision for me, long before you became immortal. โ
a dramatic huff followed. maybe he had a point, the whole age thing. but they'd worked once. this was so stupid, so pathetic. told himself he was over the idea of them, but here he was again, wishing yet again it could be simple... wishing they could just go back. eyes stared up at the ceiling... or more accurately, the shelving unit over the bed. he could reach up there with his hand. he had, on a multitude of occasions. carved into the bottom of it with a knife. marked off the days.
he'll never love you. words uttered to the competition, but maybe, deep down, he was just voicing his own anxieties in the moment. that hopelessness washed over him, yet again. maybe, jack was simply incapable of it now. or maybe, he was only incapable for him. did it matter? either way, he was stuffed... and not even in a fun way.
โ i'm stuck, jack... โ he finally admitted, voice wavering as he spoke. took a breath... then another. eyes remained fixated on the bottom of the cabinet, markings carved into steel. โ it's like i'm in limbo, y'know, like... i can't go back, 'cause there's nothing to go back to. i lost you - i lost my whole world. โ home. job. safety. security. purpose. it blew up in an instant. โ ... but i can't move forward either. every time i try, it's like... like the universe keeps putting you in my path. and i keep falling for it. โ a short, bitter laugh followed. โ and - and i do it to myself! ... maybe, this time... โ
a pause followed as he adjusted, retrieving small butterfly knife from pocket and moving, yet again, to scratch at steel, an outlet for the knot in his chest. โ ... add in the gray of it all - yeah, i said it - and i am... i don't feel real, anymore. i'm just some... thing, to be used. and i need - i need something, jack. 'cause right now, i'm just... hollow. and i'm guessin' you can relate. โ