A momentary frown appeared when he sensed the incoming laughter, some things never changed. But it never came, surprisingly so, and he snorted in return at the idea of them in the shower cubicle together. "You know damn well that the two of us tryin' to fit in that thing would be like a fat cat tryin' to fit through a cat flap. It ain't happenin'." Jack alone was going to be an interesting challenge. He sighed internally before suddenly pointing a finger gun at his husband. "But I am glad yer on board with datin'." That was all the confirmation he needed, and relief flooded through him to know he'd done something right here.

Slowly, he nodded, perking up a bit at the show of concern. People seldom showed it towards him because he led them to believe myths of invincibility, and that nothing could touch Captain Jack Harkness. So, he appreciated the words, it made him feel a bit more human again. "Don't worry. M'not gonna hang myself in the shower. I don't fancy bein' cuffed to the sink again." Smiling briefly before he turned away for the bathroom, he threw back... "Try not to miss me." Then, he was gone, but only for a while. He had no intention of leaving again for good.

The water was near scalding temperatures, just how he liked it, needed it right then. Dirt and grime came with the job, with seemingly every job he had. But this kind didn't come from any mission, grief and neglect came hand in hand. The last thing he was thinking about over the past month or so was hygiene let alone appearance, and when he let the latter slip so far, people knew it'd become a problem. The dirt began washing away down the drain, at least that which could be seen. It'd be a miracle if he ever truly felt clean again.

so jack disappeared, and for the first time all night, he let himself breathe. almost immediately, hand went for the half empty beer can that had once been ripped from him, chugging the rest. shit, that was good. he half wanted to block this night out. but at the same time, he never wanted to forget it. how could something simultaneously be one of the best and worst nights of your life? his husband was in no fit state... but he came back to him, for better or worse. that had to mean something, yeah?

next task was puppy duty. the little scamp had retreated back under the bed, and when he peeked under, he could just about make out the little thing, happily chewing on the remnants of what used to be his slippers. the first time he saw it, he had protested in horror. now? he simply shook his head, picking up his empty bowl to shove in the wash.

idle hands were the devil's best friend. they wrung together as he crashed into console chair, feet up, staring out into the cold, black nothingness. peace didn't last long. without the distraction of jack, the panic settled in - it didn't take much, these days. most of the time, the only reason he wasn't a mess of a man was through self medication. within less than a minute, he found himself rolling up a cigarette. tame, for him. maybe, having his husband back in his life had him wanting to perform. be your best self, as it were. his best self was by no means good... but it was still better than his brand of status quo.

take a drag. block it out. try to block it all out. jack said it himself - gray's gone. he can't hurt you. no one can.

"Thing?!" Eyes widened, his mouth fell open, mild outrage emerging on the pup's behalf. "He, is a baby, Johnathan. The cutest little baby alive. You ain't given him a name yet?" Another smile broke out briefly as he watched the puppy eating, his tail swishing back and forth happily at finally being fed. "Certainly looks like he's taken a shinin' to you, though. You've officially become a dog dad, congrats." The only way John would become a dad anytime soon, unless he'd had some accidents in the past few years. It made him reflect on his own two accidents. What kind of person had his son become? Did he ever think about him? Did he remember his father abandoning him in that market so long ago? The less said and the less thought about his daughter, the better, for both of them. That ship had sailed and sunk faster than the Titanic. His son was safer without him in his life, that he knew.

A rescue, huh? No way did his husband waltz into a rescue centre and adopt. Jack couldn't even get him to go shopping during their relationship. It sounded like a story accompanied this meeting, but if John didn't offer it, then he had a reason not to tell it. "M'sure he's better off here than wherever he was before." He commented nonchalantly, so as not to invite further conversation about pup's origins.

and yet, he'd passed through a handful of planets already since liberating the creature, more than one of which could've been more than viable for finding him a forever home... only for the time agent to decide otherwise. not good enough, he'd told himself, and taken the pup along further. right up until he'd found jack, once again.

an empty shrug followed, hand stretching to lightly ruffle the top of the small animal's head, before standing yet again to put away the remaining sack of food. maybe jack was right - he was definitely right. but maybe, at least subconsciously, he'd gotten sick of being lonely. one step forward... at least, as much as his conscious self would allow. baby steps.

a thud left eyes quickly darting to the other as he closed the cabinet door. oh - had he hurt his head? most would react with empathy. ask if you were okay, offer some form of comfort, check for bruising. it was a tiny ship... scrapes happened. and yet, all that escaped the former time agent was a snort, lips firmly pressed together in thinly veiled attempt not to laugh. oh, like the old morning cartoons, all over again! with the road runner, and the wile e. coyote, running smack into a wall! poor husband.

❛ mhmm! ❜ he hummed, eyes gesturing back to the bathroom. don't laugh. don't laugh. man had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown maybe an hour ago - don't laugh! a hard swallow followed, though the amused grin remained. ❛ mm... i'd offer to join, but that sounds a little sudden into this new found ‘ dating ’ thing, don't you reckon? ❜

lie - he didn't know the meaning of sudden. but if he tried to think like jack... seems apt. still, brows furrowed over. maybe, finally, showing that genuine concern. ❛ ... you gonna be alright...? ❜

When John finally looked at him, it felt like things might somehow be okay. A small smile touched the edge of his lips. "Yes, I want to stay in touch. Yes, I want to be your boyfriend an' go on dates." Perhaps it was a little redundant to use the term boyfriend considering they were already married. Still, it sounded appropriate given how different the two of them were now, and John needed to move on from the past. Why not start completely afresh in all aspects? New life. New love. They needed to love each other for the broken people they'd become, for what the future might hold. It was the only way this would work.

He went to ask for reassurance, to confirm his husband really wanted this, only to suddenly realise they weren't as alone as he first suspected. Jack sat up, momentarily confused by the appearance of a puppy, then he looked at John for a very brief explanation. He sorta got a dog? That sounded about right when he thought of all the random things he used to bring home when they lived together. "Right..." Vague amusement bloomed on his face, this day kept getting stranger and stranger, yet so normal compared to most of his days.

Unable to stop himself, he slid from the bed onto the floor. "Hi, baby." Jack cooed in the sweetest voice he could summon, and slowly stuck his hand out for the puppy to sniff. "Where did you come from, hmm?" For the first time that night, the first time since that awful day back on earth when he'd lost everything, he smiled widely when the puppy nudged its nose against his hand in an attempt to figure this stranger out. "Has yer daddy been nice to you?" The smile turned into a grin, and once he felt permission had been earned, he gently ruffled the puppy's head, scratching under its chin with affection. Babies, in all forms, turned him into one giant sap.

so maybe, the small distraction of the newly acquired pup in his life was somewhat welcomed. propping himself up onto his elbows, john watched as his... boyfriend(?) interacted with the small animal. in reality, appearances could be deceiving, as with all things when it came to john. and the dog... wasn't exactly just a dog, really, in the grand scheme of things. but jack didn't need to know the tale of experiments, and cosmic cross breeding, and all the crap that led to him dropping in, just to cause chaos. maybe he took home a souvenir. maybe the little thing had latched on in ways he hadn't expected.

maybe, he hadn't fully decided what to do about that, yet.

it was endearing to watch the other light up, as if holding a baby for the first time.

and when it was finally over... a heavy sigh escaped him. yeah, suppose he probably ought to do some talking, huh? pushing himself to his feet, he clumsily managed to weave himself around the puppy's attempts to paw at him again, moving to reach up to the cabinets above the bed. from there, he pulled out a sack of... well, something that resembled dog food, but you wouldn't exactly find in your local lidl, now.

❛ him. ❜ he clarified as he moved back to the bed, now with a bowl in turn, which he began pouring food into once safely on the floor. it was more squelchy than normal... and smelled strongly of burnt toast. but the pup seemed enjoy it, digging in as soon as the bowl was full. ❛ and i wouldn't worry too much - this thing doesn't exactly come out much. he's, uh... ❜

"Okay, I see your point. It hasn't been as long for you as it has for me. The memories, the loss, they're fresher for you." Sometimes, he forgot details like that. Normal people didn't perceive time as he'd learned to, which was no one's fault, it just made it difficult at times to relate. Their former life had meant more to his husband in terms of the stability it provided: falling in love, having a home, and a reliable income, all things John had never experienced until they met. Jack knew well all of those things, aside from that kind of love they'd had, that he'd once given to the other in abundance. Yeah, things were clicking together as he heard them out loud. "But, I am right here with you now." He explained quietly, expression softened and unguarded. "Even though that life is gone, we're still here. We lost each other for a while, an' things are far from perfect. But ain't it more important that we're together again? That gives us a chance." Or at least he hoped it gave them a chance...

Unlike John, there had been a number of people over the centuries whom he called a lover. If he hadn't let himself have that, he'd sure be a lot crazier person by now. He needed someone to love, and for them to love him in return just to survive living. Still, his thoughts always strayed to the man who'd loved him first with every relationship that came and went. He didn't forget about him, it was impossible with the eternity of time at his fingertips. When their wedding anniversary rolled around, he thought of him and drank champagne in a lonely celebration. Then, when April 1st came, he pondered on what his estranged husband might want for his birthday, though he could give him nothing.

Maybe it didn't have to be that way anymore...

... jack harkness... stay...? that was a new one.

❛ start again...? ❜ he tried to wrap his head around it, test the words out on his tongue. no, no, this was a trick, right? he knew how this went! with the doe eyes and the flirty looks, and next thing he knew, he'd be stranded on some deserted, barren world and jack would be flying off with his bloody ship! ❛ what, uh... ❜ the air felt too hot, and free hand abandoned the butterfly knife upon mattress, moving to awkwardly scratch at his head. ❛ what does that mean...? what - you wanna... stay in touch...? ❜

a hard swallow followed. he never thought this day would actually come. ❛ ... make plans...? ... go out to eat... together...? ❜ and that was about the extent he knew of dating. dare he say it, it actually sounded... normal, for better or worse. normal... and a whole heap of pressure. but jack was worth it, wasn't he?

❛ i... guess... ❜ and yet, thoughts got interrupted from beneath them. a soft whimper cutting through the tense energy. shit. and then, a few moments later, small pup protruded out from beneath the bed frame, front legs lifting to paw at the mattress... and specifically, john's legs, dangling off the end. dark snout sniffed curiously, eyes peeking up inquisitively behind a ball of black and golden fur.

Deep down, he knew he should've gone back to his husband once he regained his senses. But he wrongly assumed he wouldn't be wanted back, and he was too scared to find out whether said assumption turned out to be true. What if John found someone else? What if John were dead? What if John flat-out just didn't want him anymore? It was a mistake he had to live with, as all the others made throughout his unending life.

"What can I say? The universe revolves around me." He threw in the half-hearted joke, then rubbed at his face. "But yer right, you can't go back, neither can I. Even if we could, nothin' would make me go back to the agency." Funny how his suspicions about the Time Agency proved to be right all along, his instincts rarely failed him, such is the skill of one made to go to war as a child. No one listened to him, not even his husband, and look where it landed them. "It's gone. You need to start gettin' past it, babe." Jack's tone turned firm for a brief moment because it needed to be said, and it needed to be said with conviction. Then, it softened again, turned quieter. "But you can move forward. That's not impossible. Don't use me as an excuse...that ain't fair. An' you wanna talk 'bout the universe puttin' me in yer path? Pretty sure it did the same to me tonight. Maybe that's jus' where we're sposed to be. Not sure what it means, but m'glad you were here tonight."

When the conversation turned to his brother, he froze temporarily, the whole ordeal playing across his eyes all over again. A whole new wave of sorrow hit him along with the memory of his sweet grandson. All of them gone, people he loved, people he couldn't save. But he didn't want to become lost in those feelings again, not right then, at least. Jack shook himself out of his head, shuffling back to lie awkwardly next to John, gaze drifting to the marks carved into steel. What were those for? Probably not the time to ask, though he made a note to do so later. He wanted to know about everything going on in that head of his, good or bad.

"Gray is gone. I killed him. Gray can't hurt you again...not physically, anyway. He haunts me too." I killed my brother for you, for all of them. He didn't regret it, but it would never not hurt him in some way that he knew and didn't expect anyone else to understand. "I can relate. I haven't felt real in years. Other people don't think I'm real, jus' some kind of cryptid." A quiet whisp of laughter followed, what a weird fucking life. "Livin' is hard after all the shit we've been through, it leaves you feelin' hollow, as you said, an' everyone needs somethin' to fill that void. But do you even know what you want? Cus I sure as hell don't." Go back to Torchwood? It technically didn't even exist anymore. "I jus' know that I'm okay right now, here, with you. An' I haven't felt okay in a long time."

he was still back in that house... wasting away under a cocktail of uppers and downers and inside - bleeding - outers... waiting by the window for him to come back.

if he could get past it, if he had the slightest idea how... he would've done it, by now. tried retribution. tried closure, being the bigger person, all that wank. even tried space... though clearly, not very well. add in gray... briefly, hand paused in his handy work, eyes flickering to his wrist... scarred tissue mostly hidden beneath stolen time agency tech. just because he covered it up, didn't mean it wasn't there. it was always there. gray was only dead in the physical sense. his ghost still remained, stalking him.

it was rare for him to fall so quiet. jack used to know him, inside out... but he missed a few things, off on his jaunts...

❛ i don't want you gone. ❜ he finally admitted as he got back to work again. the small, vertical mark was getting there, in time, a half finished set of five amongst a multitude more... he was running out of space. maybe the walls, next. would that look unhinged? ... what did it matter. jack was the first spot of company he'd had over in months. ❛ ... i don't know what i want. jesus - you should hear my internal monologue, you'd get a right laugh in. most days, i dunno whether to kiss you, or kill you. ❜

"I know you ain't, an' I know you can more than take care of yerself." He cocked his head, squeezing John's hand back. They'd witnessed one another multiple times in utter peril, at the brink of death, and all before Rose Tyler took away his ability to die. It should've reassured him that John knew how to handle whatever the universe threw at him. Instead, it only strengthened his instinct to protect himself from further pain. "But I'm a coward who didn't want to risk gettin' hurt, an' I didn't want to be the reason you got hurt again. That seems to be somethin' I've gotten good at, though." Often, it was never intentional, things just happened to work out that way where people got hurt one way or another because of him.

A grimace pulled at his features from the terrible accent attempt. He did not sound like that! "I can't believe you jus' compared my immortality to your fear of mascots." Still, Jack smiled a tiny bit, quiet laughter tacking onto the end. "Sorry, s'just funny imagery." It momentarily reminded him of the time they spent at Peach Blossom Heights. He'd never seen his then ex-boyfriend look as fearful as he did when in the presence of those so called guardians. At the time, he'd felt pure glee at the scene considering the state of their relationship. That's what you get for dumping, Irvine Singh! Nowadays, there was more sympathy around the subject.

He raised a brow back at the question. "You jus' answered it for me. It's complicated. Time travel isn't always precise, an' it's all too easy to end up somewhere you shouldn't. Then, you get caught up in events, shit becomes messy. I mean, look at us! This is messy. I'm thousands of years old. Yer like what...thirty-seven? That's beyond even our idea of normal, baby." If only his husband landed his adorable bubble butt back in the 1800's instead of 2008, things might've been a lot different. "....There'd be no mean Victorian lesbians, for one." Jack paused, scratched at his cheek. "Uhh, ignore that last part."

add time travel into the mix, and he wanted to sit down.

he was already sitting down.

... his head hurt.

by the time his husband's latest monologue had finally concluded, the time agent found himself with his head in his hands, nursing a headache. it was a good thing he was cute. ❛ great, thanks. ❜ he grumbled impulsively, before swallowing hard. eyes flickered to jack a moment, then averted. ❛ ... i didn't mean that. ❜

a pause, before finally, dramatically, he found himself lying back on the bed, as far down as he could go before head would hit wall behind them. it was difficult to think about... being abandoned. but what was worse was imagining the future. where they were meant to go now. if there was even a path forward they could navigate. if jack even wanted that. he was here... that was great. but what about tomorrow?

❛ ... look, the point i was trying to make was, you lumped me in with all those... tiny little fuckin'... whatever. ❜ the language that he had for the kind of people jack had spent hundreds of years around inside his head was too colourful to pass along. ❛ which, aside from everything else, is bleedin' insulting, by the way. you ain't weird 'cause you're immortal - you're weird 'cause you're you. ❜ with the terrible bedhead, and the bright fashion, and the cheesy one liners, all of it. ❛ and before you knew them, you knew me. you knew me. more than anyone else, by a long shot! and somewhere down the line, you made that decision for me, long before you became immortal. ❜

a dramatic huff followed. maybe he had a point, the whole age thing. but they'd worked once. this was so stupid, so pathetic. told himself he was over the idea of them, but here he was again, wishing yet again it could be simple... wishing they could just go back. eyes stared up at the ceiling... or more accurately, the shelving unit over the bed. he could reach up there with his hand. he had, on a multitude of occasions. carved into the bottom of it with a knife. marked off the days.

he'll never love you. words uttered to the competition, but maybe, deep down, he was just voicing his own anxieties in the moment. that hopelessness washed over him, yet again. maybe, jack was simply incapable of it now. or maybe, he was only incapable for him. did it matter? either way, he was stuffed... and not even in a fun way.

❛ i'm stuck, jack... ❜ he finally admitted, voice wavering as he spoke. took a breath... then another. eyes remained fixated on the bottom of the cabinet, markings carved into steel. ❛ it's like i'm in limbo, y'know, like... i can't go back, 'cause there's nothing to go back to. i lost you - i lost my whole world. ❜ home. job. safety. security. purpose. it blew up in an instant. ❛ ... but i can't move forward either. every time i try, it's like... like the universe keeps putting you in my path. and i keep falling for it. ❜ a short, bitter laugh followed. ❛ and - and i do it to myself! ... maybe, this time... ❜

CHALLENGERS (2024) PROMPTS / accepting .

rolling her eyes , gwen was trying to be resourceful and helpful given the situation . she didn't expect a carnivorous babysitter had been looking after her child for the best part of a month . . . still , rhys did the interview so it's his fault really . the alien had information on jack but would only give it up in exchange for going back through the rift . . . of course .

with anwen rest on her hip , john begins to argue with her after. rejecting his idea to kill it . there's a reason they hadn't been eaten for over a month , but it explained the amount of local missing pets . sighing . turning to the alien tied to her dining room chair . she's surprisingly calm about the whole thing .

❛ sorry about him , one sec . ❜ excusing herself from their presence , she follows him into the living room . ❛ oh no . john's walking away from a grown up conversation . . . the world is going to end . ❜ sarcasm oozing from her , there would have been a time where he'd get a rise out of her . . . but so much has changed .

but here was the problem - that information? kind of went against his best interests, actually.

thought he recognized this one when he walked in. not that he let on, of course. and the fact that he was met with similar energy in return - well, that was something of a surprise. few were willing to play his games, and this was most definitely a long con. keep gwen from finding her very attractive, infuriatingly charming and very much former boss, and dragging him back into torchwood, and the fighting evil, and the being good, wah wah wah, of it all.

but it went deeper than that. jack harkness did not want to be found. at least, not by gwen cooper, anyway...

it made him feel special. got him all gooey. i got a secret, and you don't know it!!!!!

maybe they didn't recognize him. but it left him in this predicament. couldn't trust this stranger, who must've spotted jack on their travels. silly husband, could never just blend in. death seemed like the reasonable solution. kill them before they could start talking, hopefully in a way that didn't alert suspicion with former police over here. it was a fine line to balance, pretending to be the scorned, abandoned lover. but hey, what could he say? years of experience.

really, it was like pulling teeth with this one.

storming into the living room, former time agent found himself pacing erratically, hands shaking as he took out his gun, checking bullets. obsessive heartache suited him. it was all in the detail, after all. and upon seeing gwen, eyes rolled, before turning away. ❛ i don't want shepherds pie! ❜ came annoyed outburst ( patronizing little cave person ) ❛ do you know, i was all the way off on romulus twelve, having the biggest orgy i've ever seen with the sexiest of cat kind - ❜ bullshit. ❛ - before you dragged me back here? over jack bleedin' harkness, no less! ❜

because that was sooooo two years ago, am i right? ❛ you've lost it if you think hannibal mary poppins in there's gonna tell you anything! for all you know, they're just bullshitting to escape. probably hurt more kids and puppies along the way, too. you want that on your conscience? i don't. ❜

"The sewer nerds are easy." A quiet sigh followed, the cat was out of the bag now with just those few words. "I care about them...an' I think they care about me, most of the time. But I know they also look at me as somethin' else too, which I'm used to by now. The guy who doesn't die, he's sure weird to be around, but acceptable enough." Jack never blamed any of them for finding his status strange. If he blamed everyone who thought otherwise, he'd sure be more alone than he already felt. At the end of the day, all of them would succumb to death at some point, and most of them now had. Only Gwen remained, forever vexing him more than anyone with her on and off feelings.

"But you--" Now, it was his turn to stare over at the other with a fraction of sorrow. "Yer different. Yer terrifyin'. There's nothin' easy 'bout bein' around you, John. An' not because I don't care 'bout or love you...it's the opposite." His gaze drew slightly away, outside the window into the depths of space. The sight used to amaze him, though nowadays, it felt like looking at a reflection. "I was trapped on earth an' I didn't think I'd see you again before...well, you did somethin' stupid an' maybe got yerself killed." A small shrug ran through his tired shoulders. Was it inaccurate to believe John might get himself into some trouble he couldn't get out of? Hardly. Jack had rescued him as many times as John had him. "Part of me thought it was better that way for the both of us. You'd never have to deal with what I was, an' I'd never have to potentially be rejected by the one person I couldn't take it from. Then, you dropped into Cardiff an' all I could think 'bout was that. I was scared. So, I pushed you away, thought I was protectin' both of us in the long run."

He forced himself to look back at John, despite the fear that still clawed at him screaming about how he'd be rejected one day no matter what, because that's how it always was. His daughter rejected him. His brother rejected him. Hell, The Doctor sure did too. Why would John be any different? Because he loved him? Many others made that claim, and it still turned to dust. "You think I keep pushin' you away because I don't love you anymore. I'm sure you've convinced yerself of that. But it's all cus I do love you." Yet, even though they'd run off in completely different directions. It seemed impossible to avoid each other. Somehow, the two of them kept coming back together. "An' you can say I love you Jack, back to me, an' say I don't care if yer immortal. But I've heard that too many times to count...it's never ended well." That was just a fact. John needed to live that life fully, the life of loving something that never changed, never aged, how else would Jack truly know he meant those feelings? But the catch was that Jack didn't want him to live that life. He'd witnessed the pain it brought people, and he didn't wish anymore suffering on John after the life he'd already led before he entered it. Then, he couldn't ignore the fear that it would end badly for himself too. John, at least, had the power to end it all if he so chose. Jack had no such luxury.

but it was different, for him - no one had ever really mattered.

until jack.

for a few moments, the former time agenct was quiet, mulling it over. and then, suddenly, out of the blue... came a snort. then a chuckle. quiet at first, before exploding into uncontrollable giggles. a glance at jack had him laughing harder, before shaking his head, then rubbing his face. no no no no no, compose yourself! ❛ sorry, sorry - ❜ he was not sorry, nor did it cease for another handful of seconds, before he finally attempted to breathe through the cackles. hoo boy. whew. ❛ okay, okay - sorry, i just... ❜

a few blinks, as he peered at jack. those old, tired eyes. still beautiful, hundreds of years later. fuck. ❛ did you ever think - ever contemplate, right... ❜ eyes bore into the others, and free hand closed over jack's own, squeezing gently. ❛ ... that the reason people look at you like that, is 'cause you've surrounded yourself with a bunch'a bleeding neanderthals from the twenty - first century? ❜

a heavy sigh followed. seriously, dear husband. that was silly, even for you. thousands of years their ancestors... did he really expect that the man he fell in love with would have anything in common with these cave people? ❛ ... i'm not them, jack. and i'm not some brittle little barbie doll, either. i never asked you to protect me. i can shoot my own bullets, thank you very much, and my knives don't miss either. ❜ literally or otherwise, it made no difference. that was his choice. for better or worse, they'd once vowed. maybe not in quite so many words... but the point remained.

❛ so you can't die - big deal. god, you're so self important. wah wah, i'm so misunderstood, no one could ever possibly understand! ❜ cue over the top, mock whining, all with the terrible texan accent to boot, before features burst into a grin. ❛ i can't exist in the same room as mickey mouse for more than five seconds before fight or flight kicks in. we've all got stuff. ❜

"No. I don't wanna play I spy." He answered gently, faint amusement in his autumnal eyes. This reminded him of the earlier years of their relationship, where he had to draw that softer and more intimate side out of his then boyfriend. John had taught him much during that period about survival, helping him overcome his sheltered naivety, and he'd brought fun back into his life. But the sweeter things came from him, tender touch, lingering kisses, and arms that became a blanket of love when things got rough. Fourteen years with his parents gave him that at least, a heart made to love and be loved wholly in return. Somewhere along the way, those aspects of himself were drowned so deep beneath a different weight altogether, that he wondered if they might ever resurface. Very few others were brave enough to dive into those murky waters in search of them. If any man was an ocean, it was he, and John one hell of a brave sailor.

talk. talk? what the fuck did that even mean, these days?

maybe he read his mind, because a moment later, he found himself staring at the floor straight ahead of him... wow... so interesting. god, it could really do with a good scrub -

no... no. focus.

❛ ... maybe. a little. ❜ he finally admitted, wincing a little as he spoke. didn't mean to cut jack. but if he couldn't be honest... they were doomed, after all. fuck it... he'd lost all delusions about their possibility for a future somewhere around... well. lets just say, he still had the scars to remind him. ❛ i mean, c'mon - what d'ya want me to say? we didn't just grow apart... we ran off in completely opposite directions! ❜ pained laugher escaped, almost desperate... the kind of laugh you made to avoid tears instead. took a moment to die down. ❛ ... we're not the same people anymore... and, y'know, not to be petty - ❜ ( it was absolutely to be petty ) ❛ - but you did choose a bunch of basement dwelling, sodding... sewer nerds over me. on multiple occasions. ❜

eyes turned. a pointed look followed. bit hard to talk to someone who shut him out first, right? jack had been leading this dance, ever since he crash landed back in his life again... and by now he knew the steps off by heart. get out of my city, wah wah.

"We lived together for over ten years, John." Over ten years. The longest he'd ever lived with anyone, aside from his folks. Saying it out loud put those years into perspective, the life he and John created together, how much it meant to him to have someone who loved and cared about him so much that they were willing to put up with his terrible domestic skills, and his always dramatic attitude. He'd found a "good" man, then it all went to hell. Typical. "A lil mess ain't gonna bother me." He shrugged.

As predicted, Jack barely batted an eye. It was certainly small, to the point he found himself turning somewhat sideways to move down the short corridor. Still, it was suitable for the one-man party that owned it, who undoubtedly never expected to have his husband aboard at some point. The beer cans reminded him of their old home, particularly after one of the infamous ragers they used to throw that the neighbours complained about frequently. He vividly remembered John arguing with them one morning in his red velvet robe...and nothing else, the memory made him smile faintly.

"S'alright this, sweetheart. The TA used to have us bouncin' in way worse. Those pods gave me back problems on the weekly." Nothing that a trip to a decent spa didn't fix, but it never stopped him complaining about it as much as the pods caused his pain. The ship would more than do. Anywhere was better than being back on earth, watching Gwen Cooper grow her family after his had ceased to exist. For all those times he told her to have a life outside of Torchwood, he didn't expect it to come back and bite him on the ass so cruelly. In reality, he should've expected it.

❛ oh... right. yeah - you've not seen it from the outside. ❜ eyes averted from jack's own, and hand slipped out of the other's, squeezing past him to retrieve a can from the half full pack on the floor. considered offering one to him... hm. maybe not. that man had been wasted, not too long ago, and look where his mind had gone. he kicked the remainder of the pack to the very edge of the opposite wall, away from prying hands. ain't more red... it was like his husband had no faith in him!

❛ so... ❜ he was sat on his bed, the former time agent realized belatedly, as he remained awkwardly stood, watching him. didn't want sex. if he had company here, that's usually all that came about. wasn't expecting company of a more pg-13 persuasion. what were they supposed to do to pass the time instead? no tv... definitely no board games. think, think, think... what did boring people do, anyway!?

"If you recall, I was kinda busy havin' a mental breakdown." Technically, still having one, it'd just returned to a simmer for the time being. Jack pulled himself into a sitting position, his head spinning a little, likely from exhaustion and mental fatigue. He had experienced worse, it was fine. Most things were a walk in the park after being buried alive for centuries, and also having to sacrifice your bloodline. It only convinced him all the more that his family was cursed somehow. How else could tragedy continue to hit them over and over again? Something to ponder on further later.

With his wrist freed from the cuff, he rubbed at the already fading red ring, then rolled his shoulder in its socket. It felt like a human action to perform, unnecessary on his part, yet he still did it to remain feeling like a human. "Thanks..." Jack stared at the offered hand a moment before taking it, getting back onto his feet with a light wince on his face. He left his hand in John's simply because he wanted to, the grounding force more helpful than he thought it would be.

and yet, moment quickly ruined with one word... tour. ❛ ... ah. ❜ that sobered him up quickly, as he glanced back at the door to the remaining area of the ship. had he expected jack to wake up so soon? no. had he expected to free him of his own... well... free will? absolutely not. and yet here they were, and for some reason, societal expectation would demand him to be hospitable, right about now.

and he knew jack. HE KNEW HIM. judgy mc - judge - face on everything, from his clothes, to his soap, to his weapons of choice. everything had to be bigger, bolder, better than anyone else's. this... was not a grand ship. christ, it probably didn't even mark on the top hundred of best ships in the galaxy. but it was his... the closest thing he had had to a home since...

... well. since, indeed.

a heavy sigh followed. ❛ ... you're not gonna give me even a minute to tidy up first, are you...? ❜ he whined a little, mind thinking back to yesterday's half snorted line above the console, because who said you couldn't fly a spaceship high as a kite? ... someone, probably. but that someone was boring, and he certainly wasn't listening. a groan followed, before begrudgingly feeling for the wall behind him... and the small push button fixed to it, leaving the door to rise open from the ground, disappear into the ceiling.

there was barely enough room to swing a cat. one narrow corridor space, facing lengthways... a bed to the immediate left, pushed up against the wall. to the right, mostly storage. a microwave sat over a chest of drawers, the odd empty can littered on top. further forward lay seating, a big front window looking out to the vastness of space... and below, the console in question. compact... messy. the odd bloodied shirt littered the floor. but it was his.

If this were any other time, a night with hyper steel handcuffs sounded like a good time. There'd been zero intimacy between him and his husband since that night in Bar Reunion, the most ironic of names. Yet, the urge for sex simply wasn't there, he didn't even feel like indulging in angsty sex, and they'd done plenty of that before in the past...or future, he supposed. "If m'bein' honest, which I seem to be doin' a lot tonight. I...I just wanna lie with you, if that's okay? I don't think I've ever felt less sex inclined in my life." A small shrug followed, his fingers curling around John's where they sat upon the cuff. He needed John, just not like that, not right then at least, and he hoped his husband understood.

Though, Jack knew it was inevitable they would end up having sex. There wasn't any logical thought to that process, he just knew it to be true because all sense and control went out of the window when he and John were alone in a room together, and no one knew his body as well as his husband. Their obsessive desire had compromised missions, cost lives on occasion, gotten them arrested more than once, and incurred hundreds of disciplinary actions, none of which ever stopped them from carrying on again and again. The two of them were long overdue for a lengthy tumble in the sheets.

he'd rather take every part of jack, than one ten minute rough and tumble, before he ran off again.

❛ hey, you're the one missing out. ❜ what followed was nonchalant shrug as he rose, began to pat himself down. first things first, handcuffs. and yet a few moments later, he found himself frowning. ❛ oh... hm. where did i...? ❜ eyes darted from jack, to their confined surroundings, then downwards... before a lightbulb seemingly went off in his head.

❛ oh, er... right - hang on. ❜ and then, like deja vue, head tilted back, open as fingers reached in. a second later, a small key was pulled out, disgustingly wet, but useful all the same. and finally, the facade broke, all grins and sniggers as he shook his head at the other. ❛ every time - how did you fall for that again? honestly... ❜

tut tut, husband. still, he knelt down once more; key in the lock, give it a little wiggle jiggle, and all at once, the cuffs sprang open, gravity leaving them to clang to the cold, tiled floor. a soft sigh escaped his lips, as he stared down at the sad pair. ❛ one day, they'll actually get used the way i intended when i knicked 'em... anyway! ❜

A promise he never thought he'd hear from anyone, not in this lifetime, and not in any of his lifetimes. Everyone always left one way or another, never stopping to think about what that did to him inside. But if one person could make that promise as well as keep it, it was John. Almost nothing stopped this man from getting what he wanted. Hell, he hadn't given up on him despite the rebuffs, the anger, the complications of his being. Jack tried so hard to push him away for both their sakes, and maybe it was finally clicking; this was the one person he shouldn't.

Immediately he clocked that he was being gauged for his reaction to all of this, whether it was real or not. He couldn't blame the other man for that, particularly considering the past few hours where he'd been at his worst to him. It was okay for him to be suspicious, and Jack had nothing to hide from him anymore, he'd now seen the whole ugly mess...he still wanted to stay.

He reluctantly tore his gaze away from John to stare at the offered hand, then looked back at him with mild confusion. He shook his head but still smiled, even if not fully. "Johnathan, we ain't ever done a hand shake, an' we ain't 'bout to start doin' that either. We were never friends." Always something more. Leaning in, Jack pressed their lips together gently, and kissing him never failed to make his heart flutter, which remained the same right then despite the grief aching inside him. It was a promise on something that matters.

he'd wanted to hurt him, on some level. but then, he refused to let another do the same. and now, seeing the pain on his face... instead of gloating, or reveling in the glee of it all... even now, first reaction had been this. take care of him. maybe, better than he ever had.

for as long as he could last at it, anyway.

they were never friends. this wasn't a business transaction. jack leaned in, and as the cogs of his brain turned slowly, he met him the rest of the way. jesus... it had been a long time. too long, he thought. hadn't quite realized just how much he'd been starved in the fucking sahara out here, until right then. and like before, once upon a time, his brain couldn't help but react, screaming more, more, more.

ha. fuck you, ianto jones, you smarmy bastard...

❛ ... depends... ❜ he could feel jack's breath against his lips, his own shallow as eyes remained locked on him, fingers settling loosely over the other's cuffed wrist. ❛ am i gonna keel over in the next five seconds? knowing your tricks, and all... ❜ our tricks, he corrected internally. but the idea that this seriously was just one big scam felt a million miles away by now, a silly, fleeting bout of paranoia in the back of his mind. maybe he'd be okay. maybe everything was fine now, and he could bounce back.

did people do that? just... bounce back? like it was nothing...?