Alright, here it is dearies. Every pun/joke I could find, though some don’t apply to everyone. Most were listed multiple times throughout Tumblr/online and I couldn’t find an origin, but if any of these are specifically ones you came up with, I apologize, and you should feel free to credit yourself. If you know more, add on!
“I got my grade back on my sexuality test- I aced it!”
“Luckily I have an ace up my sleeve… me.”
“Instead of coming out of the closet, I came out of the deck.”
“Guess you could say I ACED that!”
“I find that ACEthetically pleasing.”
“Don’t hug me. EmbrACE me.”
“If I went into space, I’d be an ACEtronaut.”
“I’m a member of the AVENgers.”
“I’m an agender, aromantic asexual. I’m Triple A.”
“Asexuals are trustworthy people, we don’t f*ck with anyone.”
“Don’t be a dick, I’m not into those.”
“I literally give no f*cks.”
“If I’m not real, do I have to pay my taxes?”
“My anaconda don’t. At all. Please stop.”
“I don’t get it. Literally.”
“I like my sex like I like my coffee. I don’t like coffee.”
“My bed is where the magic happens. And my magic, I mean sleeping.”
“I’m an asexual pirate and I’m not interested in your booty.”
“When I say that I want to Netflix and chill, I mean it literally.”
“I don’t need sex, the government f*cks me everyday.”
“How many asexuals does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they let others do the screwing/None, they’d rather not.”
“One did one asexual say to the other asexual while they were in bed? Zzzzzzzzz.”
“What do you call an expert archer who is not interested in sex or romance? An aro-ace arrow ace.”
“What do you call an asexual digging a ditch? An ace in the hole.”
“What’s the difference between an asexual and a mobile phone? A mobile phone can be turned on.”
“What’s an asexual’s favorite hardware store? Ace.”
“What do you call an asexual who’s been frozen solid? An ACEsicle.”
“How can you find an asexual with a penis in a nudist colony? It’s not hard.”
“What brand of computer do asexuals use? Acer.”
“How did the asexual win the tennis match? He aced every serve.”
“Why can’t you play card games with asexuals? They always have an ace up their sleeve.”
“Why did the asexual cross the road? To reach the AVENue.”
“What kind of bandages do asexuals use when they sprain their wrists/ankles? Ace.”
And the best one, which I have to credit to AVEN user glitchunter:
“What do you call a top asexual fighter pilot who lost a tennis match on the serve to an asexual, who was also a top fighter pilot?
An ace ace aced ace ace.”
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