AskASexWorker

Ihave never seen a client for free… I’m not sure how that works, would I givehim his money back at the end because I had such a great time? Haha, that’s never happening.  I could be wrong but I think ‘seeing clients for free’ is called dating. Twice (in four years) I have considered seeing a client romantically/for free – both ofthem were really great bookings with younger guys (i.e. my age). One asked meif I‘d be interested in hanging out that Saturday night with him and his mates(including women) seeing as I was in town (I was on tour) – you know, if I hadnothing better to do. I considered it, it was pretty early in my working careerand I really didn’t have anything better to do. I can’t remember why it didn’thappen. The other was just a cool guy, who was cute and normal and seemed legitimatelysingle and I just sort of vaguely hoped he’d ask me out at some point. But Idunno, I was a bit drunk.

I don’t really know why you think she ‘played’ you…did she take money from you or cut your booking short?Sounds like maybe she was just a bit odd or you guys just had a miscommunication. Here’s a hot tip - if you’re ever saying 'I tested her’, you’re being a dick and it’s probably your fault. It sounds an awful lot like you’re just annoyed she didn’t actually go out with you for free. Or because she thought you were young. Why are you even stressing over this? You’re saying 'she seemed very paranoid’ so it doesn’t sound like you were into her anyway, what exactly is your problem with this whole experience?

I don’t see a game in that at all… I doubt she would tell you she’d see you for free as a marketing strategy, that’s not really helpful, it’s not going to encourage you to book her again. I’d say she just forgot or got distracted or found someone else to crush on or whatever. Maybe it was a bit of a misguided attempt to get you to book her again, but I guess it didn’t work?

See below. I am where I am for a reason. I also feel like the niche for the super-high end white girls in my market is full, Australia can’t sustain a large population of expensive girls, we don’t have that kind of transient (or permanent) wealth here.

Obviously I pay attention to what other people are doing in my market and pricemyself accordingly. I’m not concerned with what services other people offerbecause I offer what I’m comfortable with and that’s not going to change justbecause other girls are offering anal or come-in-mouth. Market dynamics are complicated, there are different benefits to undercuttingor outpricing your competitors – I chose to stay at the slightly higher end of themiddle with a comprehensive but not exhaustive range of services because itworks for me. Sex work has to be sustainable for me, I’m not interested inbeing the ‘best’ or the most well known or making the most money, because thosestrategies aren’t sustainable or comfortable long term.

I mean, like I said, I’m a very sexually open person and myfriends and all talk very openly about sex too – but that doesn’t translateinto me forgetting it’s rude to ask a stranger how many people they’ve sleptwith. Like I said too – that particular question is way more loaded than mostothers, it’s accompanied by implicit judgement and there’s no ‘right answer’.Too few people and you’re a prude, sexually repressed/ inexperienced orconservative; too many and you’re a slut; a moderate number saves you from the Madonna/virgindualism but makes you uninteresting. In addition knowing the exact number isweird and uptight or arrogant and not knowing the number is somehowirresponsible. Go figure.When it’s a question for a sex worker there’s also no right answer (aside fromthe fact that I have literally no clue – I couldn’t even estimate) – we don’tknow what you want. I know a worker in their 40s/50s who estimates it’s above30,000. Does anyone want to hear that as a client? If the number is too low you’reeither not popular or you’re lying. You seem very socially unaware. Maybe try being more sensitive to other people’s boundaries instead of leaking arrogance all over your keyboard.

What? No. Are you asking if I’ve seen someone who didn’t know where to stick it?Like, I don't know if you've seen a vagina, but there's actually a penis-shaped hole down there? Unless there's a medical issue, awkwardness and incompetence are not going to stop two people from figuring out how to do the deed eventually. Are some people totally unaware of their own anatomy and how it works?  Sure, but I know what I’m doing, so it’s not an issue. Dudes are sometimestoo nervous or drunk to get an erection, and yeah, you can’t usually stuff itin there… Where are you getting your info from? Stop getting it from there. It’s not awkward. It’s not even that awkward when it happens between virgins,so it’s definitely not awkward when one of you knows what you’re doing. Nope, inexperienced clients are fine as long as they’re not trying to pretend likethey know better than me.

It’seasy to say that someone should stop working straight away if they contractHIV, but many people who do sex work and ESPECIALLY those who are more likely tocontract HIV (i.e. trans workers, street workers  - as a result of violence, or injecting drugusers who also do sex work) are not able to cease work no matter what happensto them, they live on the brink of poverty already and sex work is oftenalready their last resort. I would probably stop, but I’m in a position of extreme privilege as a white,middle class sex worker, with no criminal record in a country with free healthcare and welfare. I do not think it is fair to judge people who choose not tostop. As I’ve mentioned before, the transmission of HIV is very, very low, it’salmost impossible to transmit through protected penis-in-vagina sex. Now of course there are a range of new drugs for HIV that either boost yourresistance or reduce your viral load. Google truvada.

If that’s your message, then you’re not doing anythingwrong! She’s either not checking her phone (holiday/sick/out of service/busy/personalcrisis), her phone is fucked or she’s retired. Could be temporary, could be permanent. If she’s active on her social media it’sprobably temporary, and maybe she has some special reason for ignoring you, butmost likely she’s just busy or (like me) really scatterbrained and in dire needof a phone that actually works. Try someone else or try again in a week.

Ireally don’t know, I’m not the best person to ask. It probably depends a bit on what stage of transitioning you’re in? And whatyou’re willing to do?(Please, please excuse any gross language or stigma-y mistakes I’m about tomake, I do my best but I’m not as knowledgeable as I could be about trans issues,particularly trans men and I feel a significant possible faux pas approaching).If you’re a man with a vagina and breasts who is willing to work as a hetero woman,then you’re fine – even if you’re on hormones and want to keep a super androgynousstyle, there’s definitely a market for all kinds of vagina-owners who arewilling to fuck dudes. If you’re a man with a vagina and/or breasts who is only willing to shag women,I really can’t say. All markets exist so I’m sure there’s a queer/trans marketfor women, but if there is, it’s small. If you’re a man with a penis and you are willing to shag women and you’re ingreat shape and look pretty masculine you can work in the hetero market forwomen and couples, which is smaller than the straight ladiesformen market, butis definitely viable. You could probably market yourself either way in thismarket, as a cis man or as a trans man, but I’m not sure how well you’d do ifyou’re not ‘fit’ – all the men I see in this market are at least aiming for asix pack and all-American chin. If you’re a man with a penis who is willing to shag men I’d say that’s as gooda scenario as the first, the gay male market is large and viable. The sex industry is filled with queer and trans people who sacrifice theirevery-day personal gender/sex politics to make a buck. Lesbians who shag onlymen, gay dudes who fuck women, cis-gay men who market as trans, mid/pre-optrans people who market themselves as novelties… If you’re willing to do that,making money becomes a lot easier, even it sucks balls. Having said that, if you’re wanting to make money from your own sweet self,politics included, Melbourne probably isn’t the worst place to do it. As I saidbefore, there’s a market for everything, you just have to keep in mind that theless mainstream you are, the thicker skin you will need. Being a novelty in thesex industry is rough – just like being different anywhere.

Ilove the idea that I knew nothing about men before I started doing sex work,like I couldn’t possibly understand them, this foreign and fascinating speciesthat’s so different from mine. It’s ridiculous, I’m a person who is open andcommunicative and likes getting to know people and understanding their psychologyand the men I’ve met in sex work are not the first of their kind I’ve ever beenin contact with. Honestly, (this will no doubt win me more butthurt messages) I’ve only learntthat even more men than I suspected are arseholes, lots of men literally don’tknow how to wash in basic fashion and more men cheat than I think I could everhave possibly imagined. The good stuff I already knew.

Why do the men who want you to get on top for the whole show always have big bellies and tiny dicks? I’m not being judgey it’s just really impractical. I think sometimes they are even trying to do the right thing, trying to avoid crushing me or have heard penetration is deeper that way but it’s just the worst possible position for that combo. And GUARANTEED if they can’t get an erection they will demand you get on top. It’s hard enough to stuff a flaccid dick into a vagina without working against gravity.

Nude snapchat IS sex work, no question, and full service sex workers are notjealous. Full service workers who want to make money with cam and photosalready do, many sex workers do digital work on the side.  We take dick from gross guys on purpose, you’renot better than us, and we’re not better than you. 

It’s pretty basic. The bigger the city, the more workers itcan support (and the more workers there are anyway). Sydney is the biggest city, and has the most workers. Melbourne is slightlyskewed because we’re a brothel city, so even though we’re not much smaller thanSydney and are just as cosmopolitan (although in a different way), lots ofworkers that might normally be private are working in brothels instead. More agenciesare based in Sydney too – and lots of them advertise them individually now asprivate workers instead of just advertising the agency. There are a couple of other factors – Perth is closer to the rest of the world(shorter flight to Europe, Asia etc.) which attracts more internationalworkers, sex work is still entirely illegal in South Australia, which is adeterrent.