Bloggin' Hoe

And the energy you give off is just so mesmerising and inviting. And being in the same city. There’s a part of me which hopes I get to bumping into you organically.

Thank you! On all counts. This is very kind and I do aspire to be a generally ~good energy~ person to be around…you can ask my two friends for confirmation though they may be biased, haha.

Hahah if it makes you feel any better even I did not realise one could be out until such a time in Sydney on a Tuesday night. I was in Newtown drinking too too much wine and smoking cigs and talking for 10 hours straight on a first date with a lovely Italian man.

„I’m standing in my kitchen in my slippers — I’ve taken the weekend off,” I told him while slicing strawberries to put on top of my oats.

„Damn, that’s crazy,” he replied.

I did my characteristic head back Lizz laugh, partly because it was the most basic boy on a dating app response, and partly because I realised that it probably was inconceivable to him that I have a domestic life where I’m not wearing makeup or a dress and heels or doing the last quarter of a bag with him at 7am.

Because of the way the month is structured I will be working more shifts than usual, even having this weekend off for period reasons. For the same reason I will also see my SD one additional Friday and so my baseline income from him will be higher and the majority of it will be going straight into savings. The trend at the broth has been consistently up, so financially I anticipate a better-than-average figure. Thursdays last month had been hit or miss — more miss than hit — and so I resolved that anything I make on those days will go into a fun and frivolity account. Whaddya know, I summoned my first good Thursday in some time a couple of days ago and so I am on track for my two dream purchases and/or another adventure next year.

Next Sunday I have an ultra special guest visiting for four nights — my beloved mummy yay! I haven’t seen her since April and even then it was in more of a group setting, so the one-on-one time is going to be so good. We have plans galore and gifts to swap and champagne to drink and I can’t wait. She has deliberately timed her visit to fit in with my work schedule, which is so kind…we love a supportive mother in sex work.

My first Friday of the month with my SD yesterday was so lovely. Not that it’s ever not, but this year we have become so much closer emotionally and each week seems to get better, within the month especially. No seven year itch for us! The past few weeks running he has said „I love you” while bidding me adieu and I say it back and mean it.

Idk it just feels like there’s an undercurrent of positivity and hopefulness!! I cannot explain. I feel like I am in touch with my creativity and sensuality and appreciation for life. I am looking for the good and seeing it, however small.

I was going to go crazy and set my alarm for 7 tomorrow instead of 6 (or 4.45 on weekends), but then I realised it would be way nicer to instead push everything forward by 30 mins, so I’m going to start my 🤸🏻‍♀️totally free day🤸🏻‍♀️ at 5.30, gulp down coffee and breakfast, layer up and take a brisk walk to a place by the water where I can watch the sunrise up close. Of course I see it up close when I’m taking a brisk walk to work, but it’s different knowing I can stop and linger and behold without worrying about getting to my destination (in this case a windowless building where I enter and reality then becomes suspended for 8.5 hours) (true to my nature I’m always half an hour early).

I realise what a shell of myself I am if I can’t move my body in the way I am used to. Pilates, power walking, dancing, skipping down the stairs, skipping up the stairs, being able to walk backwards in heels, being alligator rolled on a bed without having to worry about my stupid ankle twisting again. The act of being active is so meaningful and I have never taken it for granted — you may have noted how many times I have worried aloud on here about losing a leg lmao — but I especially lately am so dialled in to how crucial a part of ✨being Lizz✨ it is.

Without being conceited and vain I love my body, for both personal and professional reasons. Not for just how it looks but what it can do. Davina Ho suggests things to be grateful for in her gratitude practice meditation and one of them is „I’m grateful for my legs that can walk” and it sounds so cheesy but like…real girl!! And my eyes that can see.

I love being in my thirties. I love being in my mid-thirties. I love seeing things change, but in a way more wonderful than I anticipated. Getting older as a woman has not been the rapid descent into worthlessness and decrepitude that some would have you believe. But I do get tired of the „what do you do aside from this? What are your plans after this? When are you going to execute those plans?” that I get hit with from aforementioned men, and their confusion/obvious judgement when I say, „well…nothing.”

I don’t aspire to a normal job, a normal routine, a normal life, whatever any of that means anyway. I want to be a sex worker and go to Pilates and take walks in the middle of the day and read and write and do word searches and watch tennis and go to sleep at 9pm and fuck off to somewhere weird for 7 weeks every year without having to put in leave. Whatever I want at any time I choose, more or less. The life of a retiree 30 years early. I just have sex for money to achieve it. My intention is to ride it til the wheels come off and there’s no tread on the tyres, something I used to feel ashamed of admitting but am comfortable saying now.

One of my New Year’s resolutions — the one at the very top of the list actually — is „accept your limitations and live a life true to them without guilt”. It could be interpreted as a way of weaselling out of „real” adulthood and giving myself carte blanche to be fkn lazy, but I don’t see it that way. I have limitations galore, some of which you’re all very familiar with, and I have routinely tried to push past them to mixed results. Mostly bad. Lol. So if I don’t have to why should I? A defiant take perhaps. I don’t mean it that way. I just mean…I’m blessed lucky fortunate grateful for the cosmic hand I’ve been dealt, I’m incredibly cognisant of that, I’m completely content with everything exactly the way it is and I’ve got plenty of time to figure out what comes next.