Times They Are A'Changin'

Shit twice and die.

……Alex would have a stroke.

I really do, thank you. Please continue.

Choke on your spit.

I can’t hear you, the wind is blowing too hard.

Aww that’s so nice of you to say.

Hey Piper?

According to who, dumbass?

Because it works, let’s be honest. I saw your soul leave your body when I said it.

ME. According to me. The only vote that counts. 

Second born, second place.

I’ll tell Rose you’re being mean to me.

I find you revolting. Second is best, haven’t you heard?

Leaving the idiot brother is the easiest part.

Whatever happened to family first, you rude bitch.

Hey, some of those questions on that final made me think for a second. Only a second, though.

It must just be so hard to be you.  Blowing through those finals and leaving your poor idiot brother in your wake.

Cool. Got an A.

are you surprised at this point? I always assume they have your grade ready when you walk in the first day.

Tell him if he wants to fight about it, he can come over here without Lysol. I dare him.

It’s not that bad, you little shit. I like the dark. Watch it or I’ll fire you for being a little brat.

Don’t tempt me. It could be worthwhile to watch him yell at someone who isn’t me.

Wait. Did you get the whole back? turn around, let me see.

Please do. I need to see it in person.

My dads stuffed our fridge and two freezers when all of this started ramping up, so we’re good for at least another three weeks. Oh, sweet bean is fine. She’s not allowed to be anything else or else I pull her pigtails.

Mike’s not normally so bad, especially if he’s in editor mode. But he ran out of pot the other day and now you’d think he was locked in a 1700s dungeon. Jake is…well, Jake. You can’t cage a free bird and expect it to sing.

You have your chocolate sauce, I have my quarantine beard. We’re all coping differently here. I rub it on Piper’s face and she screams..it’s far and away my best entertainment so far.

My dad still goes to work and brings food home, so we;re good. But jesus I could kill him. I might kill him, Cliff. Oh good, want another? You can take Piper for Kara, that way everyone’s in one room.

Wouldn’t Mike’s dealer be considered essential business in this environment?

Coconut oil works wonders, just saying. A pro-tip from Mike. We’re alright. Having five kids stuck in one brownstone is a lot, but Kara managed to swing her own room somehow, so she’s considerably less whiny. When she gets too loud, I just sit on her. I know my dads are itching to be out and about though.

Fuck you fuzz. This is becoming a quarantine masterpiece. I might even keep it after all this is over.

I’ll put it on the next shopping list. It’s two weeks from now, my dad keeps it very strict around here. How is Kara? I like her-she’s my favorite of the Long-Potters besides you, of course.

Again, I really think you’re underestimating how scary Rox is. Cass is nice….kind of? I’ve never, uh, met Cass but I’ve seen her. Piper’s not very scary.

Oh. Ohhhhhh. Was that intentional bullshittery?

I’m underestimating Rox? I think you’re underestimating Piper. She’s twice as smart as you and will destroy you from the INISDE.

Cass is a troll at best.

Oh bitch. dad’s gonna be SOOO mad you watched without him.

Jesus, do you want mine instead?

Ok, gross but not murder-worthy.

...if you think you can handle that one-two punch. Also Cass comes with Rose as a package deal.

Oh, the dream. Same one?

That….doesn’t seem a capital offense.

Oh no, different one. I have two--one is Frankenstein and the other is his Monster.

asher-hood‌:

Just hide under Rose’s bed. No one would dare look for you there.

Godspeed on your dry, cracked skin.

I would---but there’s a strong possibility Cass is already there.

I’ll even sign it after. You could sell them for thousands. I am a Long-Potter after all.

Is he competing with Alex then? Who can be the most germaphobic?

Ah, but I somehow must make It to the end of quarantine to be a part of your latest exhibit.