To anyone who may care
To any people who will notice my inactivity and may fear something bad has happened(although I don’t think anyone would care.) I’m just gonna take a break from Tumblr. Probably a long break because I think this app is pretty toxic to my well-being. Not trying to offend anyone but when I look back at myself to a time when I wasn’t using Tumblr, I realize I never felt so depressed, and anxious, and stressed like I am now. For the longest time, I didn’t know why these feelings came on so suddenly but after seeing a post on Instagram about Tumblr’s environment, I pinpointed exactly where these depressed feelings were coming from. I’m an African-american, cis, and heterosexual teenager. While this app did make me feel empowered as a black girl, I felt like complete crap for being cis and heterosexual. Before Tumblr I was spreading LGBT support everywhere! I was making posters for my school and I supported my cousin for 4 hours on the phone to come out to her dad about liking girls. So I was a little shocked when I started using this app and saw more than one post asking straight people not to be involved or not to reblog. I would see stuff spreading positivity for being LGBT but see in the tags, “Straights this is not for you.” or “Don’t reblog cis people.”
I found it very hard to show support when around the corner is a post literally telling me to go fuck myself.
I also started trusting men A LOT less. One time I left my mom’s side at the grocery store to go get a box of cereal of something and a man walked next to me and my first thought was, “Is he gonna try and touch me?”
I literally froze and panicked. When he grabbed some stuff and moved on, I gasped with relief like I was choking on freaking air. This website has effected me so much, I literally cried on more than one occasion. I can’t even talk to my bisexual best friend(who I’ve been friends with since 3rd grade) without thinking she secretly hates me! I tried very hard not to dwell on these feelings because I’m not LGBT so sometimes I feel I have no right to have self-doubt since my sexuality never suffered any kind of oppression. Even now I feel like crap for saying these things because what trauma have I suffered to actually feel depressed? My answer is NONE. None at all but yet here I sit wanting to drown in medicine so my headache can go away. I can’t even watch TV anymore or read a good book without noticing little details that stress me out. When I look at myself a year ago, I remember being full of so much energy and now I’m tired all the time.
So that’s my reasoning for quitting tumblr for the time-being. I’m not even sure I want to post this because I feel like I’m going to get attacked but since I may not be back, I might as well get this off my chest. To all the actual cool people I’ve seen on here, keep being awesome, me leaving has nothing to do with u!
It breaks my heart to do this because the main reason I joined this app was for interacting with the people in my fandoms, but even that has become hard to do without feeling like a horrible person for liking the things I do like.
