Julia Child is easily one of the most interesting people I’ve heard of. She’s known mostly for making French cuisine popular here in America hosting a very successful, whimsical TV show called The French Chef in the 60′s. She was a hit! A true hero for anyone that can’t seem to get it right in the kitchen. Her courageous yet casual attitude to cooking, and life to be honest, will never be lost. However, what I remember her most for is her wittiness. This woman oozed sarcasm and charm. I shared one of her thoughts on cooking with my wife years ago when we were newly-weds, and never forgot it. “I don’t believe in twisting yourself into knots of excuses and explanations over the food you make.” If that doesn’t make an insecure cook feel better I’m not sure what will. If you’re unfamiliar with French cuisine, it would help to know the French have every intention and reputation of cooking every meal purposefully and tastefully. For such a fine-food connoisseur, Julia remarkably understood the sober reality of unrealistic, high expectations.
When it comes to marriage I’m sure most, if not all marriages start with unrealistic, high expectations. That may have something to do with the unfortunate climbing divorce rate around us. You’ll find a million books out there with the secret to a successful, life-long marriage. On marriage, my friend Julia shares, “The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” I found this to be sweet, but to be honest it left me wondering. You don’t need to be married to know that happiness is always dependent or subject to circumstances. In other words, happiness is momentary, and though I wouldn’t disagree with Julia I think she’s missing a key piece of advice. Even the right person can disappoint you and make you feel alone. The right spouse can still lie to you or cause pain you think you may never forget. You may not always love to be with them all the time. Your spouse will forever fall short of your high expectations. The married life is filled with unexpected, perplexing trials that most times obliterate happiness.
I remember John Piper’s words on marriage, “Marriage is not about staying in love, it is about keeping covenant.” I’ve always found this word comforting because it is based on reality. The reality being that I know my wife and I won’t always be ‘happy’ and in love. We won’t always be satisfied and content. On the contrary, we’ve learned how insatiable we can be many times. Happiness is the result of a healthy marriage, and a healthy marriage is the result of true, honest assessment of who we are before God (needy, prideful, and powerless) and what He’s done in response to that reality.
During the middle of the ceremony, Omar and Nicole gave us a surreal example of just that, what God has done for us. Sliding over a basin of water and smiling at his fiancé, Omar began washing Nicole’s feet as Pastor Eli read from John 13. “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.” What exactly does it mean to have your feet washed by God? It’s basically like water burning a fire, or the moon falling to earth. It’s the unattainable in your bare hands, the unimaginable in plain sight. But even more, its the undeserved being served. Unconditional, intentional, genuine devotion to someone needy, prideful, and powerless.
Happiness is found way up, exposed on the surface, like the short roots of a tree. Joy on the other hand, will be found deep down by the cold, unharmed bedrock of certainty; reality. The secret to a happy marriage may be marrying someone you love to be with all the time, but the key to a joyful marriage is marrying someone you’re willing to serve.
If there’s ever a word of wisdom I could give to this amazing couple, it would be to seek and fight for joy in and around serving one another. In the John 15, Jesus urges and commands his disciples past and present to abide in Him, like branches abide in a vine. To continue, remain, and endure with Him and in His love. Why? Whoever it is that abides in Him, “bears fruit”. Matures and grows. The whole passage is deeply compelling, but what I want to point out is the reason He gives for these commands is so “that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” The terms “abide” and “may be full” are both verbs in this passage, meaning you’re active obedience results in actual, discernible joy. Amazing. Finally, Omar and Nicole, I wish you happiness (yes happiness), joy, and perseverance in what you will know to be one of the greatest blessings God has given you. I thank Him for saving you both, and for giving me the honor of capturing this day for you. Thank you.
