𝙍𝘼𝙄𝙉𝙈𝘼𝙉 !!

You got on your knees next to him. His limbs were heavy, as was his wounded head that you carefully placed on your lap.

«Kiyotaka…oh, Taka, my love» you whispered. But it wasn’t a whisper. It was a lament. Tragic, horrible, heartbreaking.

You cried quietly on his body as the other students gathered up to see what was happening in a panic. You were trembling slightly, but still you didn’t raise your voice. You just kept whispering his name, tears running down your face and hitting his now cold cheeks as they mixed with the blood.

His blood that was staining your skirt as you kept caressing his head, bent over his lifeless body.

After a while, Makoto tried to help you up. But you just didn’t want to. You wanted to lay down there with your Taka, the love of your very life, clinging onto him.

So he let you do so, he didn’t have the heart to take you away from him as you kept on mourning.

But after a while the others just couldn’t let you stay like that, for your own good. So Sakura had to gently grab you from under your arms and drag you away as you begged her not to in a ushered, desperate tone.

«No, please, Sakura I want to be with Taka…let me go»

When his body was moved, you resumed your desperate state. Quietly mourning him with him between your arms. Up until the time for the trial.

When you found out that Celeste was the culprit who manipulated Hifumi into killing Taka, all for the sake of money and a lavish life in a castle surrounded by butlers…something changed.

You were angry, like never before.

You yelled at her multiple times, threatened her and lost control completely. Screaming why she had to take Taka away from you.

Even during her Execution, you were tempted to interfere to make Celeste suffer more and more.

Monokuma gave you the chance, asking you beforehand if you wanted to be the one to drive the fire truck into Celeste. You almost said yes, but then changed your mind.

This wasn’t what Taka would have wanted from you.

So you just watched her burn with hatred in your eyes. You could never, ever forgive her.

The next days are spent in solitude, trying to process Taka’s death. You found yourself sitting alone during breakfast and barely capable of acknowledging Hina or Sakura’s presence when they tried to comfort you.

You were a bit more responsive compared to Taka when Mondo died. But still, you felt like a shell of your former self.

So you started spending days and nights in Taka’s dorm room. You ultimately decided to move there.

The first nights after Taka’s death were spent crying between the sheets that still smelled like him.

You’ll miss Kiyotaka Ishimaru forever.

One day, while wandering the school, Makoto discovered something strange. A photograph.

He picked it up, and before Monokuma snatched it away, he took a good look at it.

It was you and Kiyotaka. You were kissing his cheek with a big grin on your face. Taka was standing proudly in front of the camera, eyes closed from how much he was smiling, and one arm was draped around your hip. You were standing outside the school, in a colorful, flowery courtyard. The sun was shining on you both.

Makoto didn’t understand what that photo could mean, when it was taken or where. But he decided to not mention it to you ever. It would break your heart even more.

The idea of losing your captain himself terrified you. More than any creature, savage island or foe you encountered until now on your journey with the Straw Hats. Because you liked Luffy more than anything.

You were far too in love with him to contemplate going on on your journey without him. And without Luffy, who would keep you company at night when you were on duty? Would you ever be capable of sitting on the head of the Merry again, a spot he shared only if you were by his side?

The thought alone made you feel helpless. And seeing Chopper almost get taken away from you forever made you even more angered towards Luffy.

For the first time, his smile isn’t contagious.

You didn’t come back to the Merry to sleep, more to keep yourself from punching Luffy in the face, but exhaustion catches up to you. Both due to the challenges of the Foxy Pirates, and the pent up frustration towards the situation you just got out of because of your captain’s recklessness.

So, without even trying to stay awake, your eyelids flutter close and you swiftly fall asleep.

«Wake up! (Y/N)- you need to wake up now!»

Your profound sleep is abruptly interrupted by the sensation of someone pulling at your wrist. It’s Nami. You don’t need to fully wake up to realize that something’s wrong. Her face gives it away. Her cheeks are blushed red and her eyes are full of a deep, concerning panic.

«Nami- what’s wrong?!» your voice trembles.

«It’s the Navy. One of their admirals came all the way here and he…Robin-» Nami is barely capable of putting words together, so you just hurriedly follow her as you hold onto her hand.

She takes you to the Merry bathrooms in a rush, you want to ask her more about this admiral but you quickly understand that this is no time to ask questions. And you find your confirmation when you see the figure in front of you. Robin is completely frozen, not even an inch of her skin is spared. Chopper is frantically rubbing her arm with a warm, wet towel as Usopp helps him.

«Please, (Y/N)! Take some hot water and a towel before she goes in necrosis!» Chopper yelps, voice half broken.

You immediately hurry to Robin’s side, careful not to touch her. You can still feel the coldness emanate from her, grazing your skin. You shiver.

Usopp, although terrified, explains to you what’s happening. He tells you about Navy Admiral Aokiji and his ice powers, probably from a Devil Fruit. And the things he said about Robin before trying to kill her and get rid of them all. As you rub Robin’s frozen arm up and down with hot water, a question hits you. You stop for a second and turn around towards Usopp with an anguish he never saw and your face, ever.

«Wait, where’s Luffy?»

———

Hours later, the Going Merry is now placidly swaying on the moon-kissed waves. The night is calm and silent, compared to the chaotic day you just went through.

Luffy’s head is laying on your lap, his spiky jet black hair wet and sticking to his forehead. You caress them away, fingertips lingering on his still cold skin. You spent hours with your crew melting the ice off of Robin and Luffy. The moment you saw Luffy covered in ice, your legs gave up and your lips let out an horrified scream. But then you did everything you could do to save him. Because you spent the entire day thinking about how much you couldn’t afford to lose him. And not just in a Davy Back Fight.

Luffy is now sleeping soundly on your lap. He looks soft when sleeping. His face is relaxed, lips parted. You rarely see him like this. He’s so beautiful.

But why does he always have to be like this? Accepting fights from strangers when avoidable, ordering everyone to run away so that he can fight the enemy alone. You know that he did so also to avenge the weird old man and his horse that got shot. But still, it could have gone bad.

Zoro walks inside the room carrying another towel and a bucket of hot water. Without a word he soaks the towel, squeezes it and then starts rubbing it along Luffy’s leg.

«His legs are still a little cold, if you want I can take care of him. You should rest» the swordsman says, looking at you.

You look up at Zoro, smiling calmly at him.

«Don’t worry, I’m not tired yet. I can look after him a bit more» you say.

«And yet, you’re still mad at him»

Zoro said so with a little smirk. You, on the other hand, are caught off guard. How does he know?

«I don’t know what you’re talking about» you say, dismissively.

«C’mon» Zoro says, resuming to warm up Luffy «I know you were pissed off at him for the Davy Back Fight. And it doesn’t matter if you still give him doe eyes now, you’re still angry at him»

You wanna retort with some sort of snarky comment, but you can’t come up with anything. Zoro is right.

«And so, am I wrong?» you say, resuming to run your fingers through Luffy’s hair.

«No» Zoro says «but that’s what you get when you decide to set sail with Monkey D. Luffy»

You look up at him, eyebrows furrowing.

«Going through unnecessary challenges that could cost you a crew member? I thought we were searching the One Piece» you finally come up with the snarky response you were desperately looking for.

But Zoro seems unphased. He chuckles a little as he shakes his head.

«Freedom»

The answer leaves you speechless. You just nod when Zoro passes you the warm towel and asks you to run it through his face and neck. You comply and bite your lower lip.

Zoro props himself up and is about to exit the room. But he stops. He doesn’t turn around.

«Listen. You won’t always be on the same page as Luffy. Hell, nobody knows what goes through his head and half of his decisions are driven by heart. Luffy accepted because he didn’t even consider losing, and yeah, he’s an idiot for that. He’s an idiot for also trying to take up a Navy Admiral with powers like those all alone.

But more than an idiot, he’s something else. More than an idiot, more than a pirate, Luffy is free. You can reject him for that and walk away, or you can stay. But if you decide to stand by him, just know that more than anything, Luffy is a free man. And that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you, or us. So, have faith in him»

Zoro closes the door behind him. You’re left alone with Luffy, still sleeping peacefully. You stopped caressing his hair and your hand lies on his cold cheek. Your thumb strokes his cheekbone twice. The first time, hoping that he could feel even in sleep that you care about him.

The second time, to wipe away one of your tears that dropped on his scar.

A few days went by, and Luffy recovered completely. The moment he woke up, he darted outside his arm with arms wide open, making an impression of himself when he got frozen.

Safe to say you didn’t laugh. Not in front of him at least. You hid your smile behind you, and then walked away. Luffy gave up the act and ran up to you, wrapping his gummy arms around your frame two or three times. He rubbed your cheek against yours, beaming.

«Aren’t you happy to see me, (Y/N)?» he asked, moving his cheek up and down against yours.

You looked away dismissively, but cupped his head with your free hand.

«Yeah, nice to have you back»

He didn’t notice the sheer coldness in your voice, the way you didn’t even look at him. He just unswirled himself from you and bounced over to the others.

The next few days, spent traveling towards Water 7, go by in the same way. Trying to distance yourself.

Nami noticed, tried to ask you about it but you just shrugged and said that nothing about Luffy was bothering you.

You thought that he didn’t notice, that he was too dense to do so.

Until one night, at dinner when you didn’t feel like eating, you saw a stretchy arm extend a plate of meat towards you. Everyone turned around in shock, you included. Silence fell down at the table.

«If you’re so hungry that you’re upset, have some. Only one tho» and Luffy resumed eating like a savage.

You didn’t even have the guts to yell at him that you weren’t upset because you were hungry, but that you were upset because he really is a free man and you don’t know how you will cope if his freedom one day takes him away from you and that’s why you’re keeping a distance. And also you’re still a bit pissed off about the Davy Back Fight.

Instead of yelling at him, you just sat in silence and thank him with a murmur. He never shared his food with anyone.

«Oi, Luffy, I’m really upset too y’know—» Usopp said, his hand reaching for Luffy’s plate before being slapped away with an angry growl by your captain.

—

It’s a silent, sad night in Water 7. You tossed and turned in your bed, incapable of sleeping. You shed a few tears too. Today it’s the first time you really felt like the crew was splitting.

Robin disappeared once you set food in the city, you still weren’t capable of smiling at Luffy and Usopp just left the crew after the news of the Going Merry being irreparable and fighting your captain.

Anguish is consuming you, so you decide to get dressed and go out on the balcony of the inn for some fresh air.

The night sky is flawless, stars punctuate the blue sheet of the Universe and the sound of waves hitting the canals soothes you.

Outside, you find someone else who couldn’t sleep. Luffy.

He was perched up on the balcony railing, giving you his back. Unsure, you take a few steps towards him.

«Say, (Y/N)»

You jolt a little in surprise. You thought he didn’t notice your presence. But you recompose yourself quickly, and walk towards him. You rest your elbows on the balcony, right next to Luffy. He doesn’t look at you. His eyes are half-shadowed under his straw hat but you sense the pure discomfort and…hurt in them.

He’s really hurting.

«Tell me» you reply, calmly.

«Are you gonna leave me too?»

You’re sure you’ve heard his voice breaking a little. But he still looks as serious as ever. Your lips press against each other, trying not to break down crying. So you just climb over the railing and sit next to him. He doesn’t move away from you.

«What makes you think that?» you say.

He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds.

«I don’t know. But whatever has been making you mad these days, I don’t want it to make you leave the crew»

Slowly, and with your heart beating fast, you lean your head on his shoulder. You close your eyes, and you feel Luffy stay still.

«What would really make me upset is losing my nakamas, Luffy. So no, I won’t let go. Not the crew, and most importantly, not you»

Luffy doesn’t need to say anything. You understand everything he has to say to you when you feel his straw hat pressing against the top of your head. You stay there, contemplating the night, your head on his shoulder, his head against yours.

«(Y/N)…what’s uuup, my girl…»

Nami slumps down on the chair next to you, right at the counter as the bartender slides her another beer. Your gaze is still far away, lost in the other side of the room. It’s always lost wherever he goes.

Nami tries to catch your attention by slurring something else behind you, but you don’t hear. Until she bumps your shoulder and waves a hand in front of you.

«Hey, Earth to (Y/N)?!» she says.

You jolt a little and turn around, finally acknowledging her presence. And oh, she’s drunk. You would’ve guessed it the moment she came up to you and greeted you like that, but her red cheeks are much more telling. And her semi-closed eyes. And the small smirk on her face or how wobbly she looks.

«Nami, are you okay?» you ask, slightly concerned.

«Never been better!» she gives you a not very reassuring thumbs up, before her elbow slips on the counter and she almost smashes her head.

You chuckle and take a sip of your own beer «Maybe this is the last one for you, okay?»

«C’mon, I’m fine! I’ve got high tolerance» she says.

You let out a small laugh, then your face slowly turns to look at him again. And your smile falls a little.

«Watcha lookin at?» Nami asks, and rests her chin on your shoulder to take a look from behind.

She doesn’t get it. She looks at you, confused. If she was sober, she would‘ve caught it immediately. But as of now, she needs a little help.

«So…» you speak low, more out of sadness than privacy «Luffy and Vivi, uh?»

What made your smile falter before was seeing Luffy and Vivi so close together on the couch. His arm was wrapped around her shoulders, laughing together as she bumped him playfully. Sometimes she puts her head on his shoulder just to giggle some more.

You’ve already figured it out, but it hurts still. You absolutely love Vivi, she’s a great friend and you’re already sad thinking about parting ways with her once you reach Alabasta.

But you can’t help but wish to be in her place next to Luffy. You want to be held like that by him, and rest your head on his shoulder, and you want him to look at you the way he looks at her. The lingering and caring looks they exchanged, the little touches, the smiles they reserved only for each other. Luffy and Vivi have something that you and Luffy don’t have.

And it hurts because you really are in love with your captain.

«Oh yeah, Luffy and Vivi, they’re cute, aren’t they?» Nami chirps with a little smile.

«Yeah, I’m happy for them…» you murmur, still looking at them.

Nami nods in approval against your shoulder, but then her face turns puzzled.

«Wait, happy for what?» she asks.

The confused tone takes you by surprise, so you finally turn around to face her properly.

«What do you mean? Happy that they’ve…you know, something going on obviously» you say, as if it was obvious.

And then, against your every prediction, Nami just bursts out laughing. She laughs to the point of slapping the counter and making bottles of sake clink. You stare at her in shock, eyes wide.

«You! You think that Luffy and Vivi like each other?! Do you have a crush on Luffy?!» she exclaims, definitely too loud for your taste. Some patrons turn around to look at her, and you almost slap a hand on her mouth.

«Shhh! Keep it down! And no, I-I don’t like Luffy, I was just making an observation! A not-so-weird observation!»

«Oh geez, no! Absolutely not! Luffy and Vivi- oh shit this is so funny!» Nami can barely keep herself together.

You roll your eyes and scoff «Nami! C’mon, it’s not that far-fetched they just-»

«No, no it’s funny because…» Nami wipes a tear from the corner of her eye, and you wish you could drain all the alcohol from her system.

Then, Nami takes a deep breath, and between a laugh and another, she finally manages to wheeze:

«It’s funny because Luffy doesn’t like Vivi, he likes you!»

Suddenly, your jaw drops and your eyes blink a few times. Your expression drives Nami to the point of tears as she holds her stomach to laugh.

«What?» you whisper, somehow Nami catches that.

«Oh (Y/N) you don’t know how-many-times» she slaps her hand on the counter to punctuate her words «Luffy came to me saying things like “(Y/N) makes me feel funny, do you think she ate a Devil Fruit that makes people’s guts feel weird?”. And then he’d be like “I really like hanging out with you and Vivi, but with (Y/N) it’s weird but in a very good way, makes me feel happy, you know what I’m saying?”. Luffy is in love with you and he doesn’t even know it! Don’t get me wrong, he’s attached to Vivi but he told me she feels like a sister or something, and there was this one time he turned around and told me OUT OF THE BLUE that he thought you had a nice dress on a particular day and how your smile is-»

You let Nami talk the entire time, clutching your pint of beer as your heart drums in your chest. It beats so fast that you think it’s about to just pop off. And your cheeks burn like they never did before and your legs tremble. Maybe the fact that you’re also drunk is not helping. So, you don’t even realize that you’re about to shout.

«Nami, why the fuck didn’t you tell me that Luffy likes me back!»

Nami shrugs, dangling left and right a bit «It’s not like he straight up told me, I don’t even think Luffy himself knows that he’s in love. And plus, I don’t know, I guess something about thinking that you and Luffy had to figure it out alone or something like that…»

Then, Nami miraculously forms a thought in the haze of her drunkenness. Her mouth’s now agape with surprise.

«Wait, so you do like him! You just admitted it!» she points a finger at you, laughing in your face shamelessly.

Realizing your mistake, you slap a hand on your mouth and hide your face in your palms, trying to disassociate. This conversation just keeps getting more embarrassing. But after a while, you and Nami make an attempt at talking about it a bit more seriously and thoughtfully. You admit your feelings for Luffy to her, and how your mood was down these last days because you were sure that he and Vivi were into each other. Nami recollects herself a bit and reassures you that, despite Luffy being oblivious about it, she’s certain that what he feels is love and that he just has to realize it and make a move.

Now with a new spark in your eyes, you turb around and look back at the couch where Luffy is sitting at. He’s still close to Vivi, but when you turn around, it doesn’t take you long to lock eyes with him. Because Luffy was already looking at you with the kindest smile.

The room around you fades for a moment as you and Luffy stare at each other, lost in your eyes. And then, he waves at you happily and gestures to come sit with him and Vivi.

A small smile makes its way on your face, and Nami playfully pushes you towards Luffy’s direction, in encouragement.

So you get up, smile back at Nami, and make your way through the crowded inn. As you reach for your friends, Vivi is already scooching to make space for you between herself and Luffy, patting the empty spot.

And so you sit between your friends, next to Luffy, feeling flustered whenever your knee would bump against his and trying to stop your heart from reaching when you realized that despite your thighs pressing against each other he didn’t make any attempt at moving his leg away from you. It’s a small thing, compared to what Nami revealed to you. But it makes you feel funny inside and this is even more beautiful.

---

It’s late at night now, and you and the Straw Hats are walking back to the Merry to sleep. Well, “walking” is a euphemism, since none of you can do it straight. Nami passed out so she’s being carried bridal-style by Sanji, who’s barely able to do so only because his legs are ridiculously trained. Otherwise he would already be on the floor due to how much he drank. Zoro’s walking in every direction, holding Chopper with an arm as he uses him as a dumbbell. Fortunately, Chopper doesn’t seem to mind since he’s giggling the whole time. Usopp is trying to tell Vivi one of his fake stories, something even more non-sensical than usual, but she’s so out of her mind that she believes him right off the bat.

And you, well, you’re walking some meters behind them as you’re holding up Luffy by his arm. He definitely exaggerated with booze so you wrapped his arm around your shoulders and dragged him out the inn just a couple of minutes before. His head is hanging loosely forwards, his back hunched. You’re shit-faced yourself, but maintained some physical strength to help your captain back to the ship.

And you don’t mind it at all.

«I think that was enough booze for tonight, Luffy» you say with a soft chuckle.

«Mh, ‘mso sleepy…» Luffy mumbles, groaning.

Your hands are holding each other over your left shoulder, to help with balance, but sometimes Luffy gives your fingers a sporadic and affectionate squeeze. He even caresses them a little. His strokes are harsh due to his lack of awareness, but even so, you love each and every time it happens. You adore it.

«Don’t worry, we’re getting back to the Merry specifically to sleep» you say.

«Yahoo» Luffy mumbles, genuinely happy, but you can’t see his smile behind his straw hat as he’s too curved.

The streets are empty and silent, accompanied only by the sound of your crew mates drunken chats and giggles on the front.

«Is (Y/N) over there with the others?» Luffy suddenly asks, weakly pointing a finger towards the silhouettes of your friends.

You raise an eyebrow, puzzled «What?»

«(Y/N)…we didn’t leave her at the inn, right?»

Oh. Luffy is so fucked up as of now, that he doesn’t even recognize you. And you’re so drunk in return, that you decide not to tell him.

«No, I think your friend already hopped on the ship» you reply, trying to alter your tone of voice a little to not ruin this little accidental game.

«Oh good, otherwise I would’ve felt…bad. I mean, no, she never makes me feel bad. Leaving her behind would make me feel bad!»

You gulp down and look away as both you and Luffy’s feet clumsily drag along the street.

«Tell me more about this friend of yours…» you say, uncertain of this gimmick.

«Oh, (Y/N)? Well, she’s my friend of course, as you said. And…well, she has eyes. Like other people, I guess. But her eyes are INSANELY pretty. Sometimes she cries and it makes me upset when she does because tears hide her eyes, and they become red and puffy and I can’t look at them in the same way I like to do when she’s happy. But he smiles a lot, at least with me, and I like it because she has a pretty smile too. And she always laughs at the things I do, and likes to hang out with me when we explore islands. Even if sometimes she gets scared, but that’s nice too because when it happens she clings onto me and it makes me feel so good, like my heart explodes in a nice way. One time she even cooked for me. That sandwich tasted bad but I was so over the moon that she cooked it for me that I ate it in one bite. She’s really cool. Like Nami and Vivi, but…differently»

By the time Luffy finishes his train of thoughts, you’ve already arrived at the Merry. As he was talking and you reached the ship, you stopped and looked at him with your eyebrows arched upwards. Incredulous, but also mesmerized.

And finally, Luffy raises his head and his brown eyes meet yours from behind his curls. He looks down at your lips, and then back in your eyes, his thick eyebrows slightly pointing upwards, giving him that puppy-dog look that makes you weak to the core. You stay like that for a while, faces close, just a few inches apart, both of you grazed by moonlight. As the others have already gotten inside the ship, the only sound audible now is the soft noise of waves hitting the Going Merry. Until Luffy interrupts the silence.

«I feel like you wanna kiss me right now, but all I can think about is that I really wanna kiss (Y/N)»

It takes you so much strength to not stop the game and kiss him right away. But your legs are trembling too much out of emotion and, if one day you and Luffy will actually kiss, to do so when you’re both sober. And maybe when he’s in a state when he can at least recognize you.

So you just nervously lick your lips and then nod.

«Yeah, you’re right, she sounds like a cool person» you say, patting his back a few times.

You back away from each other a little, but you’re still holding him up as you carry Luffy inside the ship.

«Oh yeah. The coolest…» he says.

The next hour is spent with you helping Luffy throw up in a basin. He was suddenly hit by stomach cramps and he basically begged you to stay and help him by squeezing your hand to the point it hurt and kissing your knuckles out of alcohol-induced delirium. You were fine and happy with it until the moment of “letting out” came and you screamed as you held the basin under his head. You kept on assisting him by calmly stroking his dark curls and wiping his sweaty forehead, and by caressing his back up and down. By the time he finished he felt better but was trembling like a leaf, so you held him up again and took him to his bed, were you tucked him under the covers snuggly.

But after you just wished him goodnight and turned around, he stopped you by taking your hand and calling your name.

«Thank you, (Y/N)»

You turned around, smiling back at him.

«Goodnight, Luffy»

The next morning, your memory is hazy. You vaguely remember Nami telling you something weird and laughing about it, and helping Luffy vomit afterwards, but you have no recollection of what she told you and what happened apart from that. Nami doesn’t remember anything herself and not even Luffy.

You’re dealing with changes. And the past you’re trying to leave behind. Your body is not handling it the way it should. All of it is catching up to you right now that you’re trying to make amends with yourself. But when you spend your whole life going after people’s lives to take them with you and exchange them for money, it’s everything but easy. Headhunting was all you knew, all your father thought you to do and to be. Through training, and words, and violence. He beat you up when you failed, locked you outside the house in sheer cold when you told him you were too sick to train, called you a failure and starved you when he caught you playing outside with other kids instead of working out. Your father was in it only for the money, but raising a little girl with only violence isn’t enough. Hatred is needed. Hatred and resentment can make a person unstoppable. Just make sure that they don't develop their own perspective on things.

And when the poster of a pirate with a 30 million bounty and a straw hat appeared in town, your father gave you a mission. Kill Monkey D. Luffy, bring back the bounty, or else your life is over. And so you followed Luffy all the way through islands and waves, attempting to kill him in cold blood. You sparred, and fought, and you got bruises and cuts and he did too, but he never, ever finished you even when he had the possibility. And vice-versa. Until one last time, you broke down crying for your life. Not the one threatened by the straw hat pirate, but the one your father sought to kill if you failed. And, instead of killing you when you were kneeling on the ground, Luffy got down and wiped your tears with a strip of his red shirt that you tore away in battle.

«Crying looks weird on you, you have kind eyes» he just said, his thick eyebrows furrowed.

Your face rose too meet his in shock, only a confused “uh” escaped from your mouth. Next thing you knew you passed out out of exhaustion and woke up on the Going Merry, inside a bed, with food by your side and your wounds bandaged.

«Luffy insisted on taking care of you, I don’t know why he would do that so don’t make any false moves» a girl with red hair, Nami, said to you soon after.

And without even realizing it, you became part of the crew. Luffy basically took you in without even asking you. At first, you would try to run away and reject his attempts spitefully. But you were too far from home as of now, and every island the Going Merry docked at in the Grand Line was life-threatening for you to deal with alone. So every time, Luffy ended up taking you back to the Merry and trying to bandage you. Trying because he was terrible at it, so Sanji or Usopp had to fix it afterwards. All the while he started asking you about your life, why you were a headhunter and after him, and if you cry often or not. All questions asked with a big grin on his face. At first, you kept your mouth shut. But then, you didn’t even know why, you started opening up to him a little, bit after bit. You told him about your resentment towards pirates, and what your dad taught you, and how, still leaving out the abuse part for now. You’re not ready. After listening, he only said.

«Your dad sounds mean, good thing we found you!» and with that, he just chuckled and walked away without questioning you even further.

That time, when you got into your room on the ship, you broke down crying as soon as you closed the door behind you. Thinking about how he smiled at everything you said, how he wiped away your tears the last time you tried to kill him, and you realized something. Luffy was the only person to show you kindness, ever.

So you stopped trying to evade. You started to reciprocate his questions, grins, and gestures. He complimented you on your smile, said that it suited you way more than tears. He repeated that you had kind eyes every time he considered it necessary. The rest of the crew grew accustomed to you, started to trust you, and you were leaving behind the life you had before. No more prejudices about pirates and which lives were worth it or not in this world. You became one yourself.

But the more you felt love towards them, the more it was harder to escape your past self. The lives you took away, the people you did wrong. It wasn’t something you really wanted to deal with, you thought that escaping would be enough. You thought that Luffy, the one boy you swore to kill to save yourself, would suffice. But then the vertigos began, along with the palpitations and the random burning in your stomach. The same things you started feeling as you spent more and more time with Luffy. Until, in Little Garden, you realized that you were in love.

Ironic, you fell in love with the one guy you were hunting down. But you couldn’t deny it anymore, and when he took you by the waist with his stretched arm to ride a dinosaur with him you accepted it. With a smile on your face, your hands latched around his waist and your cheek pressed against his back. The moment came crashing down on you when he turned around and looked at you with the most gentle smile you’ve ever seen and the deepest brown eyes. You didn’t look away, your lips parted, so close to his face and you said to yourself “yeah, I really am in love with him”.

But as soon as you accepted your love for the captain, your body started rejecting your past life even more, to the point of sickness. You didn’t want to be the person you were before, you wanted to be good, to be kind like Luffy said. But how can a former blood-lusted headhunter allow herself to forget and just go on to be a pirate? How can she forgive herself, and the abuse? Zoro too was a headhunter, and he didn’t bother that much about his past, but it was different, he had perspective. You didn’t gain it until now and it’s too much to handle so suddenly. Today, it reached the point of exhaustion, and you passed out on the deck on a sunny, calm day on the Going Merry.

You wake up a few hours after, sweaty and trembling. An ice package is carefully placed on your forehead, but your temperature is as high as ever. There’s no one else in the room, but you can hear voices outside the door.

«I just wanna check on her!» someone said.

Luffy. You recognize his voice even in febrile exhaustion.

«I just told you, you can’t Luffy! Not until I figure out what she has! We can’t risk you getting sick, or the rest of the crew» a tender, child-like voice. Chopper.

«Chopper, move» Luffy repeated.

You hear stomping, and the voices of Zoro and Usopp raising. Nami and Sanji joined soon after. More thuds and stomps, voices mixing but Luffy trying to be louder. He was clearly growing angry. The door beats a few times, you hear a struggling noise and restraining.

«Luffy…» you whisper under your breath.

But before you can even try to get up, your head falls back and your eyes flutter close again.

It’s night now. Pale moonlight softly envelopes the room, and you can hear the calming sound of waves crashing against the Merry. The ship is decked, it’s not moving. And you feel warmer than before, but not because of the fever, even though you still feel sick to the core. It’s because someone is cuddled next to you. When he notices your open eyes, a relaxed and joyful smile extends on his tan face. Your heart skips one or two beats.

«Luffy?» you would’ve jolted, normally, but you’re too weak to do anything more than whisper his name, vaguely confused.

Maybe it was an hallucination. Are you really that down bad for him? But not, by the tender touch of his hand on your waist under the covers and the tickling of his black curls against your cheek, he’s very real.

«Hey, you’re awake!» he whispers, but with a note of evident excitement «how do you feel?»

As you try to collect your thoughts, your worries have the best on the butterflies that bloomed in your stomach due to his proximity. Luffy was cuddled up next to you in your bed, one hand carefully on your waist and one between your hair, caressing them slowly.

«Luffy, you know that I’m sick right-»

«Don’t worry! We decked not long ago and Chopper and the others went to find some medical herbs, you’ll get better I promise»

«That’s not the point, you could get sick too we don’t know what I have yet! It could be viral!» you try to protest.

But the captain doesn’t flinch. His smile doesn’t even falter in the slightest.

«While the others are out searching for meds my duty is to check on you. You were trembling lots, so I’m doing my job perfectly fine!» he replied.

In reality, things went a bit differently. That afternoon Luffy had a big fight with the rest of the crew, because he insisted on seeing you so hard that he had to be physically restrained. Which wasn’t an easy job, even with a transformed Chopper and Zoro’s muscles. He was worried sick about you. Even when Nami got sick he was preoccupied and willing to climb a snowy mountain bare handed for her, but with you it was visceral. Since Luffy was so agitated, they came up with a compromise. Everyone will go out to find medicines on the next island, and Luffy could stay with you on the Merry to check on you, but absolutely no touching. He could sit next to you, bring you food and water if needed and give the crew a signal for an emergency, but no physical touch. And there he is, cuddled up with you.

«You could’ve just brought me an extra blanket…» you murmur.

«Do you want one?»

He asks you innocently. It’s his way of asking you if you’re uncomfortable with him so close, but you don’t want to let go. So you just don’t answer, and silence falls in the cabin. The only sounds audible are the waves pleasantly crashing against the nearby shore, and your breathing. You try to make yours as steady as possible.

After a few minutes, one of your hands travels up his arm. Your other hand moves to touch his face, the tip of your fingers caressing his face, grazing his nose, his left eyebrow, carefully tracing the scar under his eyes. And then between his locs, rhythmically stroking his hair, paying attention not to move his straw hat. No one dares to say a word, until he breaks the silence.

«’s nice…» he says softly, content.

You can’t see his face very well in the moonlit room, but you know that if you just moved your face a little, you could easily kiss him. The idea that he might reciprocate doesn’t sound even that absurd as of now.

But instead of daring to do so, you tear up.

«Why are you like this?» you ask, voice breaking.

Luffy comically frowns and lets out a confused “uh?”.

«What do you mean?»

«I said» a sob escapes your lips «why are you like this? With me? Why are you so nice to me?»

He doesn’t understand where this conversation’s going, at all. He’s dense about it.

«Why shouldn’t I be?» he repeats, still genuinely confused.

«Because I’m a bad person, Luffy!» you snap, raising your voice. The hand that was stroking Luffy’s hair is now covering your tearful eyes.

«That’s not even true!» he shakes his head, raising his voice back a little.

«Oh for fucks sake Luffy. I hunted you down for months, killed pirates mercilessly since I was a little kid, took away so many lives. And now? I become a pirate myself and act like my life was never that way? As if nothing happened? The more I spend time with you guys, the nicer you are with me, especially you, the more I refuse to accept it and I end up in this state. I’m so tired!»

One of your hands grips your hair almost painfully, your palm wet with tears. For a couple of minutes, Luffy doesn’t say anything. He lets you cry quietly, not moving a muscle. After a while, he talks again

«It’s not your fault» he says, calmly.

You don’t say anything. So Luffy repeats himself.

«I’ll say it again. It’s not your fault. People sometimes do things because they don’t know any better. All you knew was killing pirates for money and well, all I knew my life was that I wanted to be one. But I’m learning. The world is made of headhunters, thieves, liars, doctors, princesses and cooks. And these people can be kind, like you»

«How can you be so confident about me being kind?» you ask him.

«Because my gut knows, and I always trust my gut» he says.

You can make out the shape of his smile, his beautiful and ever beaming smile. Only now you realize that he stopped grinning when he said those things to you.

As you let out a few more tears, Luffy does something he never did for you. He reaches for his straw hat, takes it, and places it on your head. You jolt a bit, surprised.

«Listen, no matter what, it’s time for you to choose how you wanna live your life. It’s not up to your dad to tell you, or…me. If you wanna stay with us, this is your home. But if you want to go on another path, it’s only up to you. I just want you to be happy, okay? It’s important. Because I mean it when I say that tears don’t suit you»

His smile is faltering again. You bite your lower lip, attempting to stop your sobs.

«If I decided to leave the crew, would you be sad?»

He doesn’t answer for a while, his smile is gone now. He tries to hide it by burying half of his face in your shoulder.

«I just told you, you have to chose for yourself»

«I want to stay, Luffy»

He hugs you a bit tighter now, his legs tangled in yours, and your silhouettes mixing in the dark, undistinguishable from one another. He’s smiling again.

«Good, because otherwise yeah, I would’ve been very sad about it»

Sheets rustle, and Luffy is now moving. He props himself up to take a better look at your face, moving a strand of hair away from your forehead. Then, he kisses your cheek right on the spot your tears ran down on the most. And then he kisses the corner of your mouth, and your temple, and your forehead.

«’s this okay?» he asks in a hushed tone.

Feeling your heart stuck in your throat, you nod frantically.

Luffy keeps on kissing your face everywhere, delicately, weirdly so for a guy like him. Never on your lips, but everywhere his kisses needed to be.

«But if you want to stay, you have to let us, and me especially, be kind to you. Alright? Because I think you’re kind, funny, nice to be around and that you have nice eyes. ‘mkay?» he casually says, in between kisses. Your eyelids flutter close and he places a kiss on your right one too, before stopping to let you answer. You realize that your tears stopped running and that your temperature feels lower now.

«Okay, I’ll let you be nice to me. And I’ll stay» you whisper.

You allow yourself to kiss him on his forehead, then between his dark hair, and then right under the scar under his brown eyes.

The next morning, the crew found you two soundly asleep, still cuddled up. Most shockingly, you had Luffy’s hat sitting on your head. Sanji let out a sigh and a chuckle soon after, Zoro looked away and Nami groaned. Usopp covered his eyes, mistaking the situation for something a bit different, while Vivi reassured him that you and Luffy did not just have sex.

Meanwhile, Chopper had his hooves gripping his antlers, letting out a small screech.

«Luffy! Get out, now!» he shouted.

Both of you jumped awake, you barely had time to open your eyes before Chopper transformed and yanked Luffy out of your bed, dragging him outside the cabin as he tried to explain himself. You couldn’t help but chuckle.

A stress-induced flu, that’s what Chopper diagnosed you with soon after giving you the proper medications. And with time, the vertigos and palpitations slowly started to disappear. And if they happened to come back, Luffy always knew, and he would cuddle up with you in bed just like that night.

——

The following days go by unexpectedly normal. There’s no weird feelings or behaviours between you and Adam when you see each other. It’s almost as if everything is back to normal. No embarrassment is palpable, which is the thing you were the most worried about.

So you didn’t ruin anything. Great, this is new. Usually things only go in the wrong direction for you.

After a week, a rather boring one due to some bureaucracy going on at Heaven’s Headquarters, you and Adam decide to blow off some steam by going at a pub together. On your way there, Adam’s phone rings with a notification.

«Ugh, that chick again. Wait a sec, lemme text her back» he groans, but then his expression turns into a smug grin.

You throw a quick look at his phone as you stand there holding the door for the both of you. You can’t see what they’re texting but, knowing Adam, nothing appropriate.

Your stomach clenches. What the fuck? You’re so used to Adam’s variety of girls in his phone. You never cared, damn, you even helped him sometimes by teaching him how to flirt with a woman respectfully (even if he always goes back to his ways the next message). Are you being jealous right now?

You shake the feeling off and close the door behind Adam as he puts his phone away and gets inside the pub with you.

The whole night, Adam can’t stop checking his phone for notifications. And texting back with his usual shit-eating grin as soon as he can. You roll your eyes, but you regret it, because you don’t want him to think that you’re jealous. Because he would rub it in your face a second and be weirded out and think about it thoroughly the one after.

«Ya good?» he asks, mouth half full and still chewing on his cheddar and bacon fries.

«Yeah…mh, why?» you say, absentmindedly playing with your plate of salted dipper fries.

«You’re really quiet. And usually you can’t shut the fuck up» Adam replies, but his eyes don’t leave his phone.

«Well» now you’re slightly pissed «it’s easier to strike a conversation if the other person is not face deep in his phone»

Adam frowns, a little concerned «Bro, we talk all day, every day, chillax»

Bro. He always called you that, you were never bothered by it. But why does it sting now?

«Yeah, whatever» you shrug, still showing annoyance.

«Looks like someone is on her period»

You look up at him, your eyes furiously burning. Adam was laughing, but stopped as soon he realized that his joke fell flat. Not that you usually find his period jokes funny, but the look you gave him is different from your usual eye-rolls. For once, he wisely shuts up. But gets back to texting that girl. Your night out with Adam ends on a mediocre note as he didn’t even consider the idea of putting his phone down to text a girl in front of you. And what upsets you and scares you the most is the fact that his lack of attention towards you is not the only thing that is annoying you right now.

It’s the very own fact that he’s texting a girl.

A week later, Adam barges into your room, begging you to go out clubbing together. You weren’t mad anymore about the other night, not that you wanted him to know that. Once you reach the club’s queue, Adam does his usual shitshow. He skips the line completely, walking past other winner’s who’ve been waiting for way too long as he holds you by the waist.

«I’m the First Man bla bla bla, and this girl is right here with me, bla bla bla» he says, waving his hand dismissively at the people in line and at the bouncer.

You nervously smile and silently mouth some “sorry"s out of embarassment to the guests, who don’t seem to take the apology very well as you and Adam get in.

«Works like a charm every time» Adam smirks proudly.

«It’s not like shoving the bounc- ugh whatever» you give up immediately.

As Adam smiles down at you, you both notice that his arm is still wrapped around your waist. His smile falls down slowly as he clears his throat and slides his arm down from your waist, and you look away, a hot surge rising to your cheeks. You and Adam used to cuddle all the time as friends, goddammit, why does an arm around your waist feel this way right now?

For the first hour, Adam doesn’t leave your side. Almost the opposite of what you felt when you went to the pub together. He dances close to you, smiling, swirling you around as you laugh. Adam feels his heart fluttering like a butterfly, looking at you like this. Hair swinging under the club lights, beaming face freckled by the mirror ball’s reflection, eyes glowing and looking right through him. As if you could see everything about him. Every thought, every contradiction, every shade of anger and pathetism growing right in his heart. And make it disappear. At some point you hang out outside the club to smoke a cigarette. It’s cold tonight.

«There, there» he says as soon as he sees you shivering.

He puts his arm around you again, this time you don’t feel nervous or awkward but just warm. Really warm, as you nuzzle against his side and pull at the cigarette.

«You’re like, a whole radiator» you say, looking up at him.

«I was born before clothes even existed babe» he smirks, and you both laugh together.

After he warmed you up enough, he lets you go but still covers you with his left wing. He ponders whether to reach for your hand and hold it but figures that it would be way more awkward than hugging you to keep you warm so decides not to. As you walk back to the club, Adam feels a strong hand patting his back.

«Yo, Adam! I didn’t see you there»

Adam turns around and is met with Jessie, his band’s drummer. They’ve known each other for decades. A cretin, that’s what Adam thought Jessie was. An utter buffoon. An insult to humanity’s intellect itself, a blabbering moron-

«Jessie! Man of the year, my guy, how ‘ya doin’?» Adam opens his arms and hugs him.

«Good Garden Man, all good» Jessie says, and then stretches his neck forwards to look behind Adam’s shoulder.

Jessie smiles at you, who are looking away rather awkwardly «And who’s this lovely lady over here? Got yourself a new flame, Adam? Jessie, by the way»

Adam steps aside to let you shake hands with Jessie. You do so and give him a smile, but consciously let Adam do the talk. It’s a sort of social experiment that you indulge in sometimes…usually after a drink or two.

«No Jessie, this is (Y/N), my best friend, remember? I told you like a million times» Adam rolls his eyes.

«Oh riiiight» Jessie taps his forehead with the palm of his hand «the chick you talk about everyday»

Your heart does a little roll of surprise. Adam’s cheek turn a delicate cherry-red. His reaction is the opposite of delicate though. He hits Jessie in the hip with his elbow. Hard.

«Shut the fuck up man, everyday my ass» he growls between his teeth.

«Shit dude, calm the fuck down!» Jessie groans, folding in half.

You look around the dance floor, kinda embarrassed as Adam lectures Jessie about not saying anything like that ever again. Then you spot Vanessa at the open bar, a close friend of yours and colleague. You tap Adam’s shoulder and clear your throat.

«Hey, uhm, I saw Vanessa at the open bar. Imma go say hi, if you need something I’ll be there, okay?» you say, placing both hands on his shoulder. You rest your chin on your knuckles.

«’mkay, whatever» he replies, but betrays his non-chalance by rubbing his temple against yours for a split second. The gesture doesn’t surprise you, he does it a lot of times. Small, insignificant touches. He piped them down in the last month, though.

You smile and nod at Jessie «Alright, Jessie, it was nice to meet you, I’ll see you around»

«Goodbye, dear» he grins at you, then smirks back at Adam.

You can’t see it because you already turned around.

«Well, since you two aren’t banging, can I ask if she’s single?» Jessie says to Adam.

Adam takes advantage of the bumpy music to pretend he didn’t hear. But Jessie shakes his shoulder.

«Yo, I asked if she’s single»

Adam glares «Yeah, she is»

«Interesting…» Jessie adds.

Then the rest of the band shows up, fortunately guys that Adam likes way more than Jessie. He leaves you be at the open bar. You two are inseparable but it’s not like you can’t have your spaces. His band mates reserve a couch at the VIP lounge, and soon servers in tight dresses start bringing sparkling champagne bottles and shots. The group starts ping-ponging between flutes of champagne and shots, some of Adam’s friends even managed to pick up girls on the dance floor and bring them to the lounge with them. Adam used to do it too. Go to the dance floor, grind on a girl a bit, make-out, introduce yourself, bring her to the VIP lounge, make her sit on your lap, go to her house, fuck, leave the next morning before she wakes up. Adam doesn’t feel like doing any of that at the moment.

«Adam, looks like your friend over there is getting busy» Jessie nudges Adam with his shoulder and nods towards the bar area.

Adam turns around and sees you. You were sitting alone, no Vanessa in sight. No, you weren’t alone. You were talking to a guy. Grazing his forearm resting on the counter, tracing it with your finger. Your head in the palm of your hand, smiling at him. Eyes locked in each other as he looks at your lips and then your eyes. Bright smile of his decorating his pretty face, blue hair covering his forehead. Even the multiple eyes on his wings were looking at you with intent. And you move closer to him, moving the tips of your fingers to touch his as he interlocks his hand with yours and makes you laugh.

«Adam! Are you fucking listening to me?» Adam’s bassist shouts, gripping a girl’s waist. She giggles.

Whatever he said, Adam wasn’t listening. He was still looking at you and the guy at the bar. And then, the himbo you were talking to stands up. He keeps your hand in his, and you stand up too. He grins sweetly at you, and then he walks towards one of the private sex rooms of the club. Holding his hand, you follow him with a calm smile. But then, you turn around.

It’s almost as if the whole dance floor made space just so that you and Adam could make eye contact. Like a sort of fucked up-biblical prophecy. Adam’s eyebrows are knitted upwards, his lips slightly parted. His arm draped around the couch’s back, and his band mates are shouting at him, but he’s ignoring them completely. And his eyes. His golden eyes. They were already in yours when you turned around. Almost as if they were made to be there, always. Adam sees everything around him in slow motion. You, interceding so effortlessly in the crowd, holding this guy’s hand as you follow him, your hair shining under the lights, and your smile falling slowly as you look at him. Adam doesn’t break the eye contact, and you don’t plan to do so either. You can’t stop looking at him, even turning your head around to linger a little longer.

It hurts. So much.

But then you snap back to reality as you hear the click of the door, and you turn to the guy and your smile grows again.

«Adam!»

Adam snaps back, growling like a hound dog «What?!»

«You want another bottle or not?!» his second guitarist asks.

Adam’s golden eyes are now hooded, almost a shadow under his dark and thick eyebrows.

«Make it two»

---

By the time you come out of the room, Adam is drunk. Not the usual type of drunk he is, all loud-mouthed and in high spirits. It’s been half an hour since he said anything. The music is cracking his head in half, it hurts like a hammer. His face is flushed red and he can’t form a coherent thought that is not about you being in that room with a random guy. And when you get out, he realizes it only because Jessie told him.

«Hey, Adam, your friend’s back. She should get you home man, you look wasted» he says, kinda worried now.

Adam turns around, but slowly, dangling with vertigos even if he’s sitting down. He sees you coming out of the room with the blue-haired winner. You’re smiling at him tenderly, and he reciprocates. One of his hands is placed on the small of your back as you walk through the crowd, in the middle of the dance floor. Adam gets up.

«Yo, where ‘ya goin’?» Jessie asks.

Adam keeps on walking, steps heavy on the floor, pushing rudely everyone in the way. His eyes burn. He doesn’t know how he got behind you and the guy, he can barely feel his body. He stops, his body swinging left and right. He balances himself by spreading his golden wings open. And then, Adam places his hand on the guy’s shoulder.

«Hey» he says in a low tone, lightly pulling him.

«Hey, are you-»

He can’t finish the sentence. Adam punches him in the face so hard he drops down on the ground immediately. He holds his nose, bleeding golden drops. You screamed loudly too, covering your mouth in surprise and horror. You crouch down next to him and try to check on him.

«Holy shit are you okay?!»

You panic, gently placing your trembling hands to his face to see the damage. Shit, his nose definitely broke. The barista already called an ambulance, and the people around you opened a circle for the blue-haired angel to breathe. He tries to reassure you that he’s fine, but only incoherent noises come out of his mouth. In the middle of the circle, apart from you two, there’s also the culprit. Adam.

Standing there, not saying a word, eyes narrowed and panting so heavily. His chest moves wildly up and down. He wipes the corner of his mouth with his bruised knuckles as he stares and tries so hard not to black out unconscious and fall on the ground. You look up at him, eyes red and burning. And also teary. Tears already painted your cheeks with stained make-up.

«WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!» you scream at Adam, wildly.

He saw you hurt. Even angry, sometimes. But never like this. Both hurt and angry, but in a balanced way that didn’t wipe out any of the two emotions. It amplified them to the max, deforming your face in something beautiful and deeply wrong. What hurt the most was that Adam himself did this to you.

«I-I…» Adam stutters.

The room starts spinning. He feels his shoulder being pulled with force.

«C’mon jackass, get the fuck out of here»

The bouncer, a giant golem-like angel, starts pushing Adam away from the dance floor and out the club.

«Hey, what the fuck are you doing?!» Adam protests, trying to shake the bouncer off «get off of me asshole!»

It’s useless, especially in the conditions he’s in. Without even realizing it, Adam is now outside the club, the bouncer still gripping his arm and pulling it. He makes a last attempt at protesting.

«Do you fucking know who I am? I am Adam! I’m the First Man! Without my balls you wouldn’t even be there! Ya’ hearing me?» he shouts like a madman.

«I don’t give two fucks if you’re the First Man. You punch clients and act like an asshole, you get banned. Now get the fuck out!»

The gargantuan bouncer finally manages to push Adam off, sending him to the ground. Adam shouts more incoherent insults before stumbling back up on his feet. It doesn’t last long. He wobbly runs to a nearby alleyway and vomits all over the ground, his face flushed red and tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. He wipes his mouth for the second time. He finally feels less dizzy, still very drunk but with far more aligned thoughts. But he wants to go back. He doesn’t want to be lucid about the way you screamed at him before. So he just opens his wings up, big, bright and golden, and takes off with all his speed, leaving only a gust of wind and the acre smell of his own regret.

---

The next morning you’re handing papers to both Seraphims and Archangels. Adam’s spot is empty. Good.

After the meeting, you go to the bathroom to tide yourself up. Two deep bags puff up under your eyes. You spent the night in the emergency room with Alex, the guy Adam punched. You never felt more embarrassed in your entire lifetime, which was centuries long. And you never apologized so much for something that Adam did, and you tend to do that a lot.

But the next morning, Adam is back. He looks pale, and tired, but he’s here and you feel your blood boiling. So you avoid him the entire meeting, and when you have to hand him papers you ask the person sitting next to him to do so. Sera notices and just sighs and shakes his head. Adam looks pissed. So, the third time you “accidentally” kick his chair when passing by, he stops you.

«Hey, can we please talk for a sec?» he asks in a hushed tone.

«Yeah, sure» you reply non-chalantly, not bothering to talk quietly.

Adam nods and gets up «Sera, excuse me for a moment»

Sera just waves her hand off, she doesn’t have time or the strength for your hetero-drama.

You and Adam quickly walk outside the conference room, closing the golden door behind.

«So, what’s your problem?» Adam asks, crossing his arms. He raises an eyebrow trying to look like he’s ready to listen to you, but also judge you for it and oh you won’t take it.

«Are you being serious right now? What is MY problem?» you ask, shocked and outraged.

«Yeah, exactly» Adam says.

You point a finger at him «You! You are the one with a fucking problem! You just can’t punch someone in a club out of nowhere! You’re out of your mind!»

Adam grits his teeth, but he looks annoyed «Hey, okay, I’m sorry I punched your boyfriend, I was shitfaced dru-»

«He’s not my boyfriend for fucks sake! We just-»

«Well, it looked like it since you couldn’t stop making doe eyes at him and you even fucked him»

You stare at Adam in silence now, trying to understand him. Was he angry? Was he annoyed? Was he…

«Are you being jealous right now? Are you serious?» you ask, coldly.

Adam looks away, gnarling «I’m not the type»

«So you can text all the girls you want, but I can’t flirt with a guy at a club otherwise you’ll just break his nose? Are you for real Adam?»

«I was just texting and God forgive if a guy wants to get down a bit!»

It reminded you of the beginning of your friendship with him. The bad part, where you argued and argued until you would go home and scream in your pillow and cry a bit before the night at the movies changed everything. But now you can’t give him the benefit of the doubt anymore because you really know him.

More than anyone else.

«Oh so you can but I cannot because you really are jealous! And for what? Because we had sex one time and now you think you can mark me how you do with all the other girls?» you chuckle spitefully «We only had sex because of a bet and you-»

«We didn’t only have sex»

You fall silent. It’s heavy, and it hurts your chest, and you’re so surprised that your mouth dried out in a second.

«What?» you whisper, confused.

Adam’s gaze burns in yours, he’s flustered and frustrated, and hurt and everything all at once.

«We didn’t only have sex, (Y/N). What we had that night changed something» he says, trying to sound calm.

You feel yourself tearing up and your voice breaks «What do you mean?»

The hallway of Heaven’s Headquarters is silent, only a tingling sounds similar to the ones of stars can be heard.

«You felt it too, (Y/N). Whatever happened that night between us when we had sex, you can’t deny it»

You shake your head, now tears are streaming down your face «It’s not true, stop it»

«Yes it is. Do you want me to say it? Because if it makes you fucking happy, I’ll say it as much as I want. We love each other. More than best friends do. And when we had sex. It. Changed. Everything.»

Words didn’t come out warmly, comfortably. They were spit out spitefully, and with so much pent up pain. You give up and start sobbing.

«It’s not true because I’ve felt it for years, centuries even! Not just that one night! But I had to endure you constantly talking about having sex with other girls and fucking left and right and looking at every girl but me! Me! I wanted you to look at me!»

You are punching your own chest wildly, eyes red and swollen with tears. Adam can’t say anything, he just opens his mouth in disbelief.

«And yes I realized it only when we had sex, but when I try to go on with my life because you’re being always the same annoying asshole, you punch a guy in the face in front of everyone! Sometimes it’s so hard being around you, Adam!»

Finally, silence. Your chest clenches and you look down at your hands, closed tightly in fists. Your vision is blurry with tears and you just can’t bring yourself to look at Adam. But if you tried, you would’ve seen him shed tears for the first time since Eden.

Looks like only you could compare.

And when Emily said that they were there to apologize for the Exterminations with gift baskets you couldn't help but take a step back. Towards Vox. You did so inadvertently, but it was inevitable. Because despite the repulsive show he put up earlier, he...was right. How can the angels make amends with a gift basket after the past seven years?

And Abel saw you take that step back, turning slightly to Vox, nodding to what the overlord said, and then looking back at him and the other angels in a mixture of hurt and anger. It broke his heart, to see his girlfriend taking that step back. Just as much as it hurt you to see your boyfriend using a cheap gift to ask for forgiveness.

But when Vox openly declares war to Heaven, all of this doesn't matter to you anymore. You just wanna reach Abel, keep him safe, show him that you're there. So you start running, as Shock.wav massive shadow covers you in darkness.

«Abel!» you shout.

Abel looks horrified, clutching the basket to his chest, eyes wide. He's not searching for you, he's transfixed on Vox as he threatens to take over Heaven. You can see him trembling and breathing heavier. You push harder in the crowd, your ribcage tightening as you're pressed in between raging sinners. Tears are prickling at the corner of your eyes. And finally, Abel looks down at you.

«Abel! Wait!» you scream, and your hand reaches for him.

He looks at you, concerned, but he doesn't reach for you. Instead, a portal opens behind him.

«No!» you scream, desperate.

Abel shakes his head, mortified, shocked, disappointed, everything. And then, he turns around, and leaves behind the portal. You fall on your knees and finally break down, hands in your face.

~~~

It's the evening of Vox's rally. You came back to the Hotel a couple of hours ago. Husk poured you a heavy drink, preferred not to ask about the rally, and just offered you a comfortable silence. You went back to your room, took a shower, and then crawled into your bed. You squeezed your phone the whole time, contemplating whether to call him or not. You shouldn't.

Suddenly, a light envelopes your room. You squint, shadowing your eyes with your forearm. It's so familiar. And then, a golden portal takes shape in the middle of your room. You quickly stand up, leaving your phone on the duvet, and Abel is now in front of you with an expression you can't frame. The portal closes behind him.

«Hey...» he murmurs softly, dark eyebrows knitted together.

You bite your lower lip «Hey...».

A moment of silence, unusually uncomfortable, you both look away and then down on the floor. But then, you both speak at the same time as you lock eyes.

«What the fuck was that?» you say in unison.

You look like each other's mirror right now, confused and offended.

«What do you mean 'what was that'? I should be the only one asking here» you say, snarkily.

«Well» Abel looks a bit outraged now «you were the one in the crowd at that rally»

You open your arms to express confusion, bending your knees down a bit.

«You think that I was there to support Vox? And not because well, you know, we're living a pretty tense historical moment and I wanted to see what that shithead had in mind? Have you forgotten?» you gesticulate, annoyed.

Abel looks at you with an admonishing expression «Well, you seemed to be on his same wavelength».

«For fuck's sake, Abel! You came down with fucking gift baskets to say sorry for the Extermination! Are you out of your fucking mind?!» you're now basically shouting at him.

Abel really IS outraged now «Our amends were sincere! And the baskets had taffys in them!»

You drag a hand down your face and grunt in it «Holy shit, that's why Vox was right at the rally. Do you really think sinner's lives, MY life, is worth a bunch of taffys? Uh?! Do you have any idea of what I had to go through these seven years?! And you think taffys are gonna make up for it?»

«See! (Y/N), how can you be on his side?! He declared us war!»

«War is the last thing I want, but us sinners deserve to speak out after what we had to go through».

«And you wanna be represented by that guy? Sera was right when she said that the Exterminations were called for people like him»

«What do you even know about it?! You learned about the Extermination like, 6 months ago! You don't know shit, Abel!»

You grit your teeth, and Abel looks just as furious. You step towards him, fists clenched. There is no trace of the loving relationship you managed to keep a secret from Heaven and Hell. Loving, full of care, tenderness.

«Abel, are you aware of the fact that you've been dating a sinner for months and that you're not dating a girl from Sunday school?!» you hiss.

«And are you aware that you're dating the Leader of the Exorcists?!»

Silence falls in the room, heavy and horrible. You feel like this is just a nightmare and you wish to wake up enveloped in Abel's arms as if nothing happened. The thought of not being with him anymore is too painful. Your voice becomes soft, but so cold.

«You're right, maybe we're too different. We should've considered that more» you say «A filthy sinner like me and someone who found out today that humans can be evil and doesn't want to come to terms with it. How could we be so stupid to think that things would work between us?»

Your expression is distant, so far away in an attempt not to break down in front of him. Abel looks mortified now, his golden irises are becoming watery and his hand reaches for you.

«(Y/N), c'mon, you know it's not true-» he mutters.

You grow colder, eyes almost closed and razor-sharp, just like your words.

«You're right. You should already know it, Abel. You more than anyone else in the universe»

Regret takes over you as Abel quickly retracts his hand. He was about to take yours, but he abruptly flinched back. Your spiteful expression immediately snaps into a mortified one as Abel steps back, away from you. The hand that was reaching to hold yours is now pressed on his head, as he hisses in pain. The scar on his scalp burns and hurts so bad that he groans. Memories flood his mind, flashes of his sheep, the sacrifice, his hands covered in blood, God's praise and then...and then Cain. As soon as the memories flash away, the pain does too.

Still, Abel stumbles back as he looks at you in a mixture of hurt, disbelief and disappointment. You reach for him once again that day.

«Abel- I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to...» you stutter as your voice breaks. Tears are falling down your cheeks.

«Yeah, (Y/N), maybe you're right. We really should have considered...us...more»

A portal opens behind him, and he walks backwards towards it, his hand still pressing on his scar between his golden hair. Your mortified expression hardens, your eyes squeezing shut and your hands clenching into fists.

«You know what! Good! Go back to your sheltered life made of sunshine and rainbows and taffys! Get out of my fucking room now!» you scream, and you feel like crazy. Your head hurts and your throat too. You feel your cheeks burning.

Abel hesitates for a second, his breath has stopped.

«I said» you repeat, louder, now «get the fuck out of here and never show your face anymore! I don't wanna see you ever again Abel!»

Tears fall down his cheek, hitting the floor in heavy drops. So this is all over. Isn't it? Abel finally walks inside the portal, still looking at you. It closes around his frame, the last thing you could see was his face scrunching in sadness as he kept on crying. You heard him muttering something to you.

«All right (Y/N), goodbye» he stuttered, voice broken.