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Following the news of the Kerberos Mission failure:
Keith is an emotional wreck, trying to push down the immense grief of losing the only person who cared about him, yet again. Not to mention he's wrestling with the thought of letting Shiro down by leaving the Garrison vs. staying loyal to an institution that wasn't so loyal to Shiro. Either way, it feels like he's doing Shiro an injustice. And if he does choose to honor Shiro's efforts (after all, Shiro was loyal to the Garrison, maybe Keith should do the same), can he even manage to graduate without Shiro?
James is also struggling emotionally b/c heās suddenly doubting his entire life plan, the thing that makes him unique and different and worth something to his parents (if the best pilot at the Garrison died on a mission, who was he to think he wouldn't do the same?).
Keith and James run into each other one night and basically take their emotions out on one another. James tries to remain composed, giving Keith his condolences in what he thinks is an appropriate gesture. But it triggers Keith, again reminding him of his father's death; Keith insists Shiro isnāt dead b/c he refuses to believe Shiro made a pilot error (although a part of him feels it must be true, heād never admit it to himself), and it makes James feel even more inadequate (even dead, Shiro is always Keith's first choice; James isnāt enough); James lashes out, saying the mission ultimately failed one way or another. He tells Keith that for Keithās own benefit, he must accept that truth.
Keith, hurt (scared that James is right) and confused (he doesn't understand why James is suddenly in his business), accuses James of benefiting from his suffering (since without Keith, James would be the best pilot of the cadets), to which James is hurt by (he thinks Keith sees him as a bad person, even though James been trying to help; how could Keith think that?), and insists otherwise. Keith yells to prove it, without really thinking; he's tired of what he perceives as lies (he feels that somehow Shiroās death [and his father's death/Krolia's absence] was a rejection of himself; he wasnāt good enough to make Shiro stay; Shiro didnāt actually care about him, only said that he did), and wants to hear James just say that he hates Keith to make it plain and simple to leave and hate James back.
Atp James doesnāt know what to do other than kiss Keith in order to prove he does cares about Keith. It was a spur of the moment decision, but James is desperate at this point. He feels like his future is falling apart and heās feeling reckless. He wants a win, he wants to do something that makes him feel good. His discipline and self-restraint arenāt paying off like he's been taught his entire life. This is his act of rebellion, his āfck it allā, him doing something heās wanted to do for a long time. He wants to save Keith, be the one to make him happy. He wants to be first place to Keith. He canāt put his feelings into words, so he just acts. (I don't want to encourage this, please do ask first before kissing someone lol)
Keith is shocked, having thought that James hated him. But Jamesā gentle touch makes him doubt. Being touch-starved and lonely, Keith feels suddenly like maybe James could actually care about him. Keith kisses him back, emotional with the thought that someone loves him (he knows itās probably not love-love, but it feels real in the moment; he suddenly feels whole). They spend some time like that before Keith realizes heās scared that James might leave him, too. Getting attached to another person so quickly, it scares him. He blames the grief, and anticipates being abandoned again, so he pulls back and runs away in a panic
James is hurt, rejected and confused. Keith seemed to like the kiss, but then, he seemed to hate it. He questions himself, too, b/c he doesnāt want to like guys. His parents would be disappointed in him for so many different reasons. He questions what he's doing with his life.
Keith, on the other hand, is scared of what his loneliness is making him feel/do. He hadnāt ever considered James as a potential romantic partner before, but it suddenly clicks that what they did wasnāt unpleasant. The intimacy and desire for intimacy he feels scares him.
Part 5 will feature the aftermath and more complicated emotions >:3
And as always, lmk ur thoughts and hcs!! I love to read them :D
Actually this is an obvious question but itās not what you might think. Let me explain it to you, Iāve been an opiate addict for a long time and tried many drugs. Drugs that are āuppersā have the most āobviousā euphoria. For example if you take adderall/coke/meth/speed/MDMA you will get this shining bright euphoria, self confidence, energy, and other drug-specific feelings (for meth like you are king or for MDMA like you love everyone). However, you owe these drugs back what they delivered to you. After a meth binge, or lots of MDMA use, or staying up all night on coke you will feel like shit. To an extent this aspect is similar to an alcoholic hangover.
On the other hand, for many people who experiment with heroin they are underwhelmed (not including IV usage, but most experimenters rarely ever IV first time). They just feel good, chill, happy, but they feel like this spooky drug āheroinā hasnāt delivered. They are just mellow. Oh obviously it has all been a lie they will think. Heroin isnāt spooky, itās chill. Itās not addictive like everyone else thinks. It doesnāt make you do stupid shit or stay up all day and hallucinate like amphetamines or coke. It doesnāt empty your serotonin like MDMA or give you a hangover like alcohol. People tend to just think oh, what a nice drug.
So the next day they wake up and everything is normal. No headache or shitty feelingājust a slight afterglow of that nice feeling. Oh it was cheap as well! It only cost $10 for a whole night of being high! I thought people said heroin was expensive? And then next weekend comesā¦ There are all these drugs I could do but I liked heroin. It didnāt fuck me up,āI could still think clearly. No hangover. No feeling like shit later. I still was awake. It just made me happy and content with life. Oh and itās only $10! Well, I should get some more for the whole weekend. This is great! I will use Heroin on the weekends now!
Now letās say this person works and has responsibilities. He knows he canāt go into work drunk, or on MDMA, or high. So he doesnāt. Itās actually simple. But heroinā¦ Well the user might actually find they do better work on heroin. Instead of being sad or grumpy or depressed with his jobā¦ he is justā¦ happy. Mellow. Content. Everything is fine and the world is beautiful. Itās raining, itās dark, I woke up at 5:30AM, Iām commuting in traffic. I would have had a headache, I would have been miserable, I would have wondered how my life took me to this point. This point Iām at right now. But no, no, everything is fine. Life is beautiful. The rain drops are just falling and in each one I see the reflection of every persons life around me. Humanity is beautiful. In this still frame shot of traffic on this crowded bus I just found love and peace. Heroin is a wonder drug. Heroin is better than everything else. Heroin makes me who I wish I was. Heroin makes life worth living. Heroin is better than everything else. Heroin builds up a tolerance fast. Heroin starts to cost more money. I need heroin to feel normal. I donāt love anymore. Now Iām sick. I canāt afford the heroin that I need. How did $10 used to get me high? Now I need $100. That guy that let me try a few lines the first time doesnāt actually deal. Oh I need to find a real dealer? This guy is a felon and carries a gunāhe can sell me the drug that lets me find love in the world. No this isnāt working, I need to quit.
To answer your question, heroin feels nice. Thatās all, it just feels very nice. You can make the rest up for yourself. Attach your own half-truths to this drug that will show you the world and for a moment you will feel as clever as Faust.
Edit: Thank you for the kind words. I received help and Iām doing well now. Luckily I was able to pull up and get help right before I entered the deadly downward spiral. Some of my friends have not done as well. Sorry to steal the limelight from OP
A reply to this from Ifuxdalion
Reading that was more haunting than any anti-drug campaign that Iāve been exposed to. Thanks. A lot.
End of reddit post.
The third image are tags on tumblr. They read #anti-drug campaigns should be run by recovering addicts #cause like #how are you gonna talk honestly about how a drug affects your life if youve never done it #how can you really communicate what it does to your life if you ignore the reasons people do drugs in the first place? #i dont think anyoneās gonna believe you when you say a drug is bad if you never acknowledge the way the drug makes you feel good #tags
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