🅰️ ᕼᓍᘻᘿ ᓍᖴ ᖶᕼᘿ SᘿᘿᖽᐸᘿᖇS. 🅰

To those with CDDs.

To those with mental health issues.

To those with intellectual and developmental disabilities.

To those with learning disorders.

To those with sensory disabilities.

To those whose neurodivergencies are disabling.

To those with physical disabilities.

To all the other forms I'm sure I forgot to mention.

You are not an inconvenience. You are not a burden. You are not unlovable.

You are seen. You are heard. You are wanted. You are valued.

Because people don't notice until they look for it. Singlets just assume we're having a weird day. Or we're sick. Or we're tired. Or we got a headache all of a sudden. Even though we're fairly covert from an outsiders perspective IRL, or if we're trying to mask, the people who care can usually tell that something is different.

People who actually know and understand and believe that we're a system will learn. They'll be able to see things change, at least some of the time, even if those signs are so so tiny. If singlets are supportive, they can notice the signs that are there pretty surprisingly quick, down to being able to guess who's fronting for us on occasion.

Like I spent years having to come up with a solution to get therapy dogs into a series of residence halls. Why years? Because we had to decide who got to stay and who got to leave: the people who needed therapy dogs or the people with severe allergies to animals. Who got the alternative housing? 

Things like fidget toys might seem great for some disabled people but having them in the room could be distracting/overstimulating for others. The same goes with stimming. It can’t be helped but neither can the anxiety that another person in the room feels as they watch/hear it. Additionally, something like a weighted blanket might immediately calm one kid down and send the other one into a panic attack due to the claustrophobia it causes. (*Points to myself*)

Every Metro bus in New York City has a series of seats at the front that can be lifted up to accommodate people in wheelchairs but if I’m in one of those spots then someone with a cane/walker has to journey even further to sit down.

The flashing lights of a fire alarm are there to help deaf/hearing impaired but if they’re not properly timed, they can also cause a person to have a seizure.

The worst part about all of these is that there is rarely a concrete solution that makes everyone happy/safe. And I’m not here to offer any because I don’t know them. I’m just here to remind you all that as you’re taking your education/health classes, as you’re reading your textbooks, as you’re preparing to go be an advocate, just remember that there is rarely ever such a thing as a one-size-fits-all solution to advocacy and that something you do that can help one disabled person might actually hinder another.

Sometimes healing starts with small, quiet gestures. Here are some things that helped us feel safer inside and out:

🖍️ Make a collage of images and words that feel safe.

💌 Write comforting letters to your headmates. Encourage them to write back!

💗 Create a list of grounding tools and affirmations. Keep it somewhere where everyone can find when it's needed!

🧸 Offer external comfort objects like a soft blanket, a bracelet, or toy.

🔒 Create a “grounding box" with items that engage the senses. For example, you can use photos for sight, perfume for smell, candy for taste, and fidget toys for touch.

🛏️ Design safe areas in your innerworld where anyone can rest, hide, or heal.

🎁 Let headmates have something they can call their own, like a a journal.

🕯️ Visualize something protecting your innerworld. It can be anything: a magic barrier, a tall tree, a dragon, a glowing rune.

🎧 Make a playlist of soothing sounds or songs. Let others know it’s okay to listen.

Also, somatic body-based techniques can often be helpful too, if you notice an uptick in unsafe feelings in the moment:

movement/exertion to express fight or flight responses and help with some kinds of anxiety

paced breathing (in for 3, hold for 3, out for 3, hold for 3, repeat; you can increase the count to 4 or 5 or more, or just slow down the pace of the count, as you start to relax)

You can't tell a singlet to change their entire name because you think it's problematic. You can't tell a singlet to hide their gender or sexuality because it "doesn't match" their body. You can't tell a singlet to change or hide their entire damn identity because you don't like it. You can't tell a singlet to stop having days where they experience disordered symptoms.