a rose’s glow

this is a vent account/ocd account where I talk ab my life with ocd and just the not so nice sides of me that i run into

this page is 18+ only and there will be discussion of pocd here so if topics around those types of thoughts disturb u this page isn’t for u

tw: mentions of harassment and bigotry will be mentioned

i dont use tumblr all much, but honestly, i don't know how safe or not so safe tumblr rlly is for girlies anymore. this site has a lotta potential to bring girls like me together but i also noticed a lotta ppl with not so stellar intent are watching ppl a bit too closely so it's rlly not a smart idea to rlly share much of urself on platforms like this.

i would love to interact with all the ocd girlies ie myself who have had similar battles to myself but i don't think i rlly would wanna do so on tumblr. i would love to find different platforms and sites (ie fediverse) to rlly make friends with more girls like myself where there isn't a lotta drama and a lotta really bad ppl tracking girlies similar to myself and trying to escalate issues and situations and drama.

the internet can be a beautiful place for ppl like me trapped in areas where connection IRL can be really hard but i don't see connections forming on mainstream social media sites such as tumblr in the years ahead :((((. tumblr is a hell of a lot better for girlies like me than places like elon's twitter and facebook and youtube, especially since i haven't seen a MILLIONTH of the AI slop i tend to see on those other apps, don't get me wrong at all but it really is prone to the same issues and same dynamics as those sites, thus why i tend not to rlly be active here.

i think if ur a girlie with a lotta OCD and a lotta intrusive thoughts that r eating u alive, u might wanna be taking privacy and anonymity way more seriously bc unfortuantely, there are a lotta bigots on this site and they are screencapping what u post on here, trolling and sharing and it can spread easily, and unfortunately i have seen the abject harm said bigots have caused towards girls who struggle with many of the battles i do.

I just realized that a prior incident with now former friends was largely OCD driven and that all my envy episodes were OCD. Oh my god I’m struggling so much with OCD. I can’t just be peaceful with myself when OCD has taken me over and has owned me for the better part of a decade. Now I’m scared I’ll lose friends again bc I had severe OCD bc I lost friends before due to having OCD.

I am so tired of getting intrusive thoughts driven envy of my friends accomplishments or having awful urges or being really afraid of losing friends due to OCD. I feel like I have developed depression and i get afraid I’ll develop BPD bc OCD has just run roughshot on me.

I want this pain to end so bad. I hope exposure and response will help me a lot but I also think I might need to medicate. Hopefully I keep the friends I have now and u know I’ll try my best with them but my brain is on fire and I’m so scared I’ll hurt them bc of whatever is happening with intrusives whether that be envy or abandonment fears or anything else

I appreciate sis sm for being a safe person for me despite all of my very fucked up thoughts and OCD