i wish i (could've) loved you

OCD: what if you hurt that person? What if you've wanted to hurt someone this whole time you just don't do it beca-.....

Me:

I don’t know who started passing around this mis-definition, but thanks for asking to get it cleared up! It is definitely A Thing™ right now that people are re-defining words when the word they needed already existed. D:

Aplatonic means that you do not really form platonic relationships/feel the desire to form platonic relationships. An aplatonic person commonly has acquaintances and family (including non-related people they come to see as family), though this isn’t a strict part of aplatonic’s definition. So, simply by definition of aplatonic, no, we don’t really get squishes, but that’s not the standard definition.

Someone who doesn’t desire a queerplatonic relationship is someone who experiences “nonamory” (which is not the limiting definition of nonamory but a big part of it).

I have a tag here which I’ve gotten pretty in depth on what aplatonic means (mostly, I’ve reblogged people who’ve been aplatonic longer than I and were more involved in aplatonic’s coining and evolution - as well as reblogged the original post where someone brought up being aplatonic). There’s some good reads!

And here’s a good post on nonamory! I should go find some more to queue up, though.

I hope this clears it up? Let me know if you have more questions!

Would anyone be up for something like that? Tentatively calling it “Aromantic Writing Month” or “AroWriMo” in my head. Was thinking it could be one month a year, and people could suggest/vote on prompts/themes in the lead up.

Sort of feeling like February could be a good month, since it’s pretty much the most amatonormative month of the year. But it could be any other month, or more regular than that?

Not sure how to start something like that, nor do I have all the details worked out, but I think it could be really fun, and a way to get aro rep and themes out there! And get our fix of the (good) aro rep a lot of us crave. I was thinking we could either have one (quite broad) theme for everyone to approach, or a few different prompts/themes that people can either choose or be assigned. Not sure if it should be like NaNoWriMo in that all the writing should occur in the month, or just be shared/posted then - obviously people have differing abilities/time. Format wise, people could have fun with it. Short stories, poems, novels, comics, songs, fan works, narrative games - any kind of writing pretty much, so long as it includes aro themes and/or characters.

Sharing in case someone relates.

I’m thinking of asking someone out? The thing is, I don’t feel romantic/sexual attraction for them; I can kind of see potential for a relationship with that dynamic. But I keep going back and forth about it because I know I don’t feel for them in that way. Potential isn’t the same as the present. Additionally, I’ve spoken to them several times about how I experience attraction and about my gender and they are completely understanding and even relate. And I feel safe around them.

I think I might be greyplatonic.

But I’ve always been an extrovert. I love getting attention, I derive happiness from conversation and I enjoy supporting my friends and care about them but I’m really not sure if that’s platonic love, and if I can still be aplatonic spec. But I’ve never really formed deep friendships with anyone (aside from one toxic person) and I’m terrified that if I’m somewhere on the aplatonic spectrum, where does that leave me as a person?

I don’t really want any sort of intimate relationships, even if they aren’t romantic. I haven’t sought that out from anyone, and I never really form close bonds with the people I consider my friends.

It doesn’t matter what your personality is because aplatonism is a label for anyone who can identify with ‘not feeling that pull’, whatever that might mean for different people. If you feel it helps you understand yourself and how you navigate relationships, it’s there for you to try out.

Being (gray)aplatonic for me is… I can meet someone I get along with, or who I wouldn’t mind seeing again. But I’d rarely make an effort to guarantee a future interaction, to start a relationship. If we see each other again, cool. but if we never, cool. I’ll still appreciate (or forget, depends) the memory of us hanging out.

I have meaningful platonic relationships but I wouldn’t really call them deep or founded on platonic love. I’m not confident in my ability to be committed, intimate, or emotionally open; those things scare me. Couple that with my asocial tendencies and, yeah.

Identifying as aplatonic has actually helped me. I’ve hated myself in the past for not ‘performing’ friendship like everyone else seems to. Being aplatonic has made me accept me for me; helped me understand my boundaries; and the ways I, well, navigate relationships. 

In the context of the aro community, where friendship, squishes and platonic love are often treasured, I can cling to the aplatonic label with a sense of security about my aromanticism.

personally, i like getting attention and going out with friends, and i enjoy helping them too, but not for them. i'm friends with people and go out because it's something different to do, and i enjoy diversity. and i help them because i like psychology and analysing people

basically, to me, it doesn't matter much who i hang out with, as long as i can talk with them and have fun. whether i just met them, or i've known them for years, it's still the same feeling to me

Aplatonic is especially important for aromantic asexuals to use within the context of aromantic asexual spaces. In our spaces, platonic relationships are greatly emphasized and aromantic asexuals who don’t easily form friendships may feel even more isolated than before. 

Aplatonic is different from not having friends. It has very little to do with the amount of friends you have actually. It has to do with how people feel towards their friends and acquaintances, people finding relationships unfulfilling, and/or people not feeling anything significant towards friends. 

Aplatonic is an important term for asexual and aromantic people whose neurodivergence, mental illness, and/or experiences with abuse make it difficult for them to form relationships with other people. It’s really not okay for you to comment on this, and decide for people what to use and not to use.

#u don’t have to categorize every little thing that makes you who you are #just say ya have a shit personality or you’re a loner or its hard for you to talk to ppl

It’s not your job to tell people how they should “categorize” their experiences. It’s ableist to tell people who are neurodivergent, mentally ill, and/or survivors that they have a “shit personality.” People use these terms to talk about their experiences in terms they understand.

Neurodivergent people, mentally ill people, and/or survivors sometimes do not want to use the same terms that people who hate them use to describe their experiences. Using “aplatonic” may be more empowering to them than having to refer to themselves as loners with “shit personalities.”

I experience mental health problems and I’ve dealt with abuse that has had a visible impact on my personality. Both of these things make it difficult for me to form relationships sometimes. I don’t personally find the term “aplatonic” useful, but I can see how it may be useful to other people. 

I’m not going to tell people what they should or should not use just because I might not find it useful to me. That would be a pretty damn selfish thing for me to do, because their personal journey to understanding themselves and being okay with themselves is not about me… and it’s not about you either.