Well happy pride month to this anon and the terrible pun
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we're not kids anymore.

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@aromagpie
Well happy pride month to this anon and the terrible pun

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this isn't really the same thing as intentionally/unintentionally a-spec characters but it is interesting thinking about how intentionality does dramatically change how characters read regarding a-spec identities and themes.
So: repurposed vaguely Kinseyesque scale describing your aromantic and/or asexual protagonist's awareness of and relationship to their own aromanticism/asexuality:
Unaware That This Is A Thing People Can Be. Type specimen: Carl from Dungeon Crawler Carl. Has never once considered that "not wanting romance or sex" is a thing people could feel, let alone identify as. He is normal, which means straight. It's just a coincidence that his relationship with his girlfriend was a disaster and now he's just way too busy in this new nightmare dystopia world for any of that! Anyway!
Aware They Have These Feelings, Assumes Everyone Else Also Does. Type specimen: Doug Eiffel from Wolf 359. Firmly believes that his aro-allo experiences are universal and everybody else is just better at acting like a functional human being than he is. Being a huge movie nerd also leads him to believe that "romance" as we understand it is massively exaggerated for drama in movies and people in real life don't actually do and feel that stuff any more than they mind-meld or can use the Force. He's just a fuckup at everything; why wouldn't relationships be included in that? For most of the show if you told him about aromanticism he would NOT be comforted about it, he'd probably take it as a diagnosis that his fuckup-ness regarding relationships was innate and incurable. (This doesn't have to be negative; this is also where Andy Wheyface from Arden falls and he is having a GRAND old time.)
Aware They Have These Feelings, Realizes That It Sets Them Apart From Others, Doesn't Conceptualize It As Part Of An Identity. Type specimen: Ryland Grace from Project Hail Mary. His reaction to other people having sex is mostly "why would you do that." His single attempt at a serious romantic relationship didn't work out and he has a nagging sense that there is something in him that can't maintain serious relationships; attributes it to cowardice and fear of commitment. Ironically he does know what asexuality is. He's a middle school teacher in 2020s California, he has absolutely gotten LGBTQ+ Sensitivity Education at least in "pamphlet listing queer identities" form, he for sure has students with pride flag pins on their backpacks and pride stickers on their notebooks, and he is also not immune from the Culture War Bullshit around gender in schools. Knowing that asexuality exists did not even slightly lead him to apply this to himself.
Aware They Have These Feelings, Considers Them Significant, Attributes Them To Some Existential Feature Of Their Existence Rather Than A Personal Identity. Type specimen: Murderbot from The Murderbot Diaries. Murderbot is very confident it does not want anything to do with romance or sex, and it attributes this to Being A SecUnit, and romance and sex are Human Things SecUnits Don't Do. Has not yet realized that this is an itself thing and not a SecUnit thing. Probably willfully at this point.
Considers These Feelings A Significant Aspect Of Their Selfhood, But Doesn't Name It. Type specimen: Sister Carpenter from The Silt Verses. Clearly confident in who she is and what she wants in her personal relationships, recognizes that as something that makes her different from others and out of step with what others expect from her, and is basically like, that's their problem. She knows who she is. Sometimes other people try to make it her problem but she has so many other problems that societal amatonormativity keeps getting pushed lower and lower on her list of Problems.
Recognizes Themself As Aromantic/Asexual As A Personal Identity. Type specimen: Nova NoStar from InCo. Clearly considers this part of her identity, but is allergic to talking about her feelings even at her therapy android's insistence and besides that's not anybody else's business is it?
Publicly Identifies As Asexual And Describes It With Period-Correct Sexual Orientation Language. Type specimen: Sally Grissom from ars PARADOXICA. The only character I've ever heard come out as asexual and lay out the definition in terms of sexual orientation and attraction to another character on-air that made me go "yeah she would do this, this is in character for Sally." Strongly feel like she would be an active commenter on the 2010s ace blogosphere. Would get in an argument about the correct definition of asexuality on AVEN.
X. Their Culture Conceptualizes Intimate Relationships In A Fundamentally Different Framework Than We Use. Type specimen: Breq from the Imperial Radch Trilogy. Whatever model of gender and sexuality the Radch is on it is NOT ours. Breq is still not interested though.
don’t date. a sports team can also let you down for the rest of your life and doesn’t move into your house.
The concept that married people live longer is interesting. I'm sure there is some merit to the idea that if you're married there is someone there to nag you about going to the doctor, but I think much larger factors are having the finances of dual incomes and access to an immediate support person.
Surgeries require having a designated person to look after you. Many injuries require driving to somewhere like an emergency room which can be hard to do if you are the one injured. If you're home with the flu, it's hard to tell when it's bad enough to go to the hospital without another person checking on you. And if you pass out it requires another person to find you like that to get medical aid.
You can prop it up as the benefits of marriage, but I think there's a much deeper discussion to be had about how we've built society around marriage as an inevitable conclusion and neglected to build support systems that function outside of romantic pairings.
thinking about this further, people often cite this as a sort of See It's Better To Be Married and mostly accept it as a fact that being married is better for you overall and proceed to breakdown why marriage leads to longer lives. Instead I think we need to be looking at why the system is failing single people and what we could do to close that gap. What structural societal changes can we make to help single people rather than treat it as a Well Obviously foregone conclusion that everyone will eventually pair up.
It's not Why Are Married People Healthier? It's Why Aren't Single People as Healthy? And then actually examine the causes rather than hand waving it away with whichever stereotype of being single or half remembered memory of the last time you were single in your early 20s.
You're absolutely right that dual incomes probably help, though a lot of marriages may not have that and there's the stress of unpaid work, but most commonly, the explanation I see for 'married people live longer' is far and wide 'someone is looking for them.'
If at home is out of reach of a phone and has a heart attack, a fall, a stroke, a freak accident: they are not getting help until someone finds them.
If someone lives home alone, it may be a full day or more before help comes. Most emergency conditions are fatal by that point.
But if you're married, your spouse will probably notice if you get up in the middle of the night and never come back to bed. They are more likely to hear a sudden fall, or to at least find you within a few hours when they come home from work. They may notice strange behavior that may indicate a stroke, and if they notice in under 24 hours it may be reversed.
Someone living alone having a stroke may not be able to leave their bed. They will not be found until someone comes looking for them. Their work will assume they're ditching, and only call in for a wellness check if they think that's out of character Classmates will assume they're sick or something came up. Maybe they call their family once a week and the lack of communication will be noticed.
But someone who lives with you will notice you can't get out of bed and will call you an ambulance.
It's not that married people live longer: people who live with other people live longer.
I mean this isn't just a straight forward one contributing factor by any means. Living with people who know your habits can help, but we've also just built a lot of walls of isolation into society as a whole that make health and life more difficult for individuals who don't participate in a romantic relationships.
Getting paid leave to take care of a sick roommate isn't often allowed, but if it's your spouse or significant other, your employer is more willing to accommodate that. Bereavement leave is for close relatives not friends or roommates. You can connect your spouse to insurance. Your sibling, parent, and bestie don't qualify.
There are a lot of very specific ways in which marriage specifically is accommodated that benefit all those involved in ways other relationships aren't recognized. Living with anyone changes things from living alone, but there's more going on than just that.
It is also not just the actual statistics on life expectancy rates, but also the way we as a society only discuss them in relation to marriage when we want to make a point about the institution as a whole and often that is as a gesture towards it as confirmation that that is the correct thing to do.

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i like when characters have weird inexplicable intimate bonds but i don't understand romantic or sexual attraction so it's just weird bullshit instead #myweirdbullshit #ilovemyweirdbullshit #secretthirdthing
Im glad they made up romance for stories and music but can you imagine how scary it would be to deal with all that for real
Today, 25 February, in 1971, New York newspaper The Village Voice published an article, titled Asexuals Have Problems Too. The article satirised earlier debates in the paper, which had argued over whether straight or gay people had things harder, positing that being asexual in a sex-obsessed world was the hardest of all. You can read the whole thing here.
Although the article was not intended to be taken seriously, it resonated with readers – some wrote in thanking the author for increasing the visibility of asexuality, others wrote in solidarity, hoping to learn more about how to support the ace community.
If you’d like to hear more about this moment in ace history, check out our podcast!
Aro culture is:
*picks up fantasy novel*
Oh this looks cool and oh it has dragons-
*reads description*
*“but then the female mc meets the quiet and charming and mysterious male mc“*
*realizes this is a romantasy novel*
*instantly looses all interest and walks away*
.
also shoutout to aroace people who don't have any queerplatonic stuff going on either . you are awesome and cool

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official aromantic post
Botanist Aro culture is having your phone auto fill "aro" into the "aroid," as in the aroid family of plants. You thought you only had to deal with aromatic? Think again!
Also known as the arum family, members are often colloquially known as aroids.
it's time for me to share this cake I decorated for valentine's day
obsessed with this tag

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I posted this on an aroace subreddit and what I loved is that everyone seemed to have their own interpretation of what it meant and how it applied to them.
non loveless person, there is a post in front of you that talks about how love isnt the best thing ever and its not what makes us human. all you have to do is Not comment how you agree "but platonic love IS the best thing ever and IS what makes us human". if you fail and comment that, the hill will be silent. you have 60 seconds