aromanticising your faves since 2017

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im aromantic and now you too

from what i've observed, i do think there is some pressure for women in not explicitly feminist leftist circles to affect a kind of "cool girl" posture for the benefit of the men in the movement

"Not dating or having sex isn't even a source of discrimination in real life-" How many rights and benefits are tied up in marriage contracts though? How much of our economic and societal structure is built with the clear expectation that people couple up and support each other? Where's the security nets and affordable options for people who will never have a partner/spouse to take care of them? How many people save serious commitment only for people they have a romantic and sexual relationship with? How many people will unquestionably prioritize their sexual and romantic relationship above all other social connections in their lives? And where does that leave the people who don't want that at all, ever?

i don’t know why you’re being a bitch when it would actually be great for lesbians (and everyone ) if people (like the woman in the op) realized they don’t have to date and can be happy/fulfilled alone. like that’s kind of the solution… instead of trying to sub in women that they aren’t for real into because they don’t enjoy dating men, they can just… opt to not date.

Can I be a little rude and inconsiderate and dense for a moment

Like ok I'm aroace too and I also enjoy partaking in shipping and such (oftentimes with characters I hc as being on the aroace spectrum in some fashion) but also I'm able to put aside that all when acknowledging that it's a consistent problem within allo-dominated fandoms of them being presented with a fun and conventionally attractive aspec character and instantly trying to devise any sort of excuse or reasoning to ship them. I'm not gonna sit here and go "Well I'm aroace and I looooooove shipping aroace characters too ugh the fandom police are trying to stop everyone from doing anything" c'mon now

I think some of you people need to google amatonormativity… and like, think about it.

you can actually desire a traditional romantic relationship AND unpack amatonormative ideas within your mind and life. they are not mutually exclusive!

if your response to, “I wish there was more sex repulsed asexual representation,” is to point out not all aces are sex repulsed, maybe first stop and ask yourself why you are doing that. We live in a society that’s constantly telling us we need to have sex and I’m so glad there are aces who aren’t bothered by that, but it doesn’t invalidate those of us that do not want to. This isn’t a competition, I want to see all kinds of aces, being upset with a lack of respect for sex repulsed aces doesn’t mean I think the rep that’s already there for sex favorable aces should be changed. I am capable of wanting both, why aren’t you?

Also like. What if there was a cis dude who genuinely, unironically considered himself a lesbian for whatever reason. This is gonna hurt people… how, exactly? Like. If this dude has enough on w his gender and sexuality that he feels it fits while cis, I kinda don’t really see the issue. Like if we accept that gender identity does not equal presentation nor pronouns, and we should, then there shouldn’t be an issue with a lesbian trans woman using he/him pronouns with no interest in changing presentation or hormones or surgery. In fact I’m sure those people exist. If we can accept that, and, again, we should, I really don’t see why we would reject anyone on something so intangible as gender identity.

Everyone is affected by compulsory sexuality. Even if you're sex-favorable. Even if you're allo. Accepting this will make your sex life better.

we seriously need a "consent is sexy!" type movement for acknowledging the existence of compulsory sexuality like I truly believe that is the only thing that would work on a lot of people. Being sure that you're seeking out sexual relationships because you want to and not because you think it's socially required is sexy. Appreciating sex as the pleasurable action it is for most people and not attaching a bunch of other made up meanings to it is sexy. Not staking your entire sense of self worth on whether you're getting laid is sexy. Letting people have variable and not-wholly-positive relationships to sex without coercing them to feel another way about it than they do is sexy. Jingling keys in front of you like a baby. Sexy Sexy Sexy. Is this anything

strongest bitches out there are the aro's that maintag their aro headcanon posts tbh

like at least 50% of internet lgbt discourse would evaporate if people quit using the term "spaces" when they mean "discord servers" or "tumblr blogs" because we would collectively realize how stupid that shit is

“this is a lesbian-only space” no this is the tiktok comments on a chappell roan video

“marriage is a legal document that protects you, you’ve gotta decouple it in your brain from romance and amatonormativity” the fact that marriage is a legal document that protects and privileges you (that, might I add, generally isn’t valid without romance+sex) is LITERALLY amatonormativity. A legal status that privileges people in monogamous long-term romantic-sexual relationships IS AMATONORMATIVITY. That is *what it was coined to talk about.*

I'm way too aromantic for fandom man. "I don't look at my friends like that." That's because you guys are unimaginative, shallow cowards who see platonic love as a lesser form of love so therefore any relationship that is emotionally intense and intimate has to be romantic. Makes me wonder what kind of lacklustre friendships people are having if they can't conceive of non-romantic love being just as meaningful and life-altering as romantic love.

can i stress the importance of boundary setting? of being able to say no? if you want to be able to play with this shit, or really engage sexually at all, you need to be able to look someone in the eye and say “i don’t want this.”

if you can’t look me in the eye and say No, if you haven’t demonstrated an ability to voice discomfort when you feel it, you are not a safe partner and i do not want to play with you.

specifically what i’m thinking about here, though idk if clarification is needed, is that when you don’t tell me you’re uncomfortable you’re putting me in the position of harming you without giving me the option not to. if you never say “i don’t want this” then i don’t get to say “no problem, we don’t have to!” and you’ll grow to resent and hate me for crossing a boundary that was never communicated to me. actually, this applies to things other than sex too. if you never voice displeasure/discomfort, or direct desire, you’re making it impossible for people to respect you and give you what you want and keep you feeling safe.