On thy knees now

"goodbye" is a word that doesn't suit me. i don't want to hear it from you ever. when have i once left you for any reason? you're always a part of every single thing i do. find a way to include me, or i'll do it myself.

(dead serious) be honest with me do you only hang out with me because i keep you locked in the basement

who do you think i am? looking for recommendations

ask me about obsession, and i will tell you about making room for you everywhere without even meaning to, a second cup of coffee left by the sink, a side of the bed kept untouched, messages rewritten three or four times until they appear casual enough to survive being seen, replaying conversations in my mind endlessly, rereading your words compulsively, not searching, but for cadence, pressure, breath; the shape of your mind in movement, organizing my days around the possibility of your appearance, daily objects turned to relicas, a coat left draped over a chair, an opened book, a discared can of coke. i will tell you that i am only attentive by nature, a curious creature, that i am intellectually intrigued by the architecture of you, but devotion lives lower in the body, it is habitual and reflexive; i do not cage, i orbit and that is precisely the issue; because there is no threshold where i can clearly say: this is too much. attachment permeates slowly into everything until i find myself mistaking ordinary sounds for your footsteps, and the world is arranged around your absence.