Why?
So, one and the first thing youāre gonna know about me, is that I love to explain things. Most importantely, I love explaining on why I write each post, each message and each thought.
This is the post that will explain on why Iām starting this blog, and what comes with it. I do this so I can feel better. Itās my egoistical need and form of expressing myself - a place where I can show what I feel, what Iām going through, and what I think about it. I donāt do it for you, I do it for myself, thus I do not care about whole spectrum of social mediaās likes, follows, reblogs, anything about it. Why share it online then, you might ask? I have no idea. Maybe someone will read this and think, āOh, I can relate. Good thing Iām not the only one. This is exactly what I feel, too. This random guy, somewhere in the world, describes my life perfectly right now, and shapes my thoughts and experiences in actual writingā. Maybe I do it because Iām lying to myself and hoping that someone reading this will feel sorry for me, though it never helps. It can also be a need of proving myself to the world, showing that I can do this, I can go through my life with head straight up. The second thing you will learn about my persona is that Iām full of contradiction and question marks.
I realized, just recently, that Iām not the only one with problems of my kind. Silly, so silly. Now Iām gonna write something, that maybe will get you to close the tab of my profile or just make you scroll further along the dashboard. And itās alright. Iām very vulnerable, I experience feelings in a way they probably shouldnāt be experienced by a healthy and rational human using mainly his or hers brain to see the world. Like, imagine your average puny human feeling emotions at 100% capacity. Sometimes I get a sense that they hit me with 200%, or maybe even more. Itās riddiculous and I canāt help myself but just do it, I donāt want it, really, but itās just the way I am. Itās nice when youāre feeling happiness and joy. Really rewarding. But when you feel the opposite? Youāre in your own emotional hell that you canāt break out off. And now imagine youāre stuck in there for months, and you canāt help yourself but only feel despair at the 200+% capacity I was telling you about. Now, here is the thing that might throw you off and be like āFuck him, Iām not reading this bullshitā. Iām shocked anyways that you still are. Iām going through a breakup.
Now, now. This is just part one of the reasons why, and no, Iām not Hannah Baker, Iām not gonna make any tapes.
But more on that later.
