#helpingmyself

Come here. Let me hold you tight, I’ve found pressure tends to calm that feeling.

My hands? I’m just testing your reflexes, sir. These tinctures make it a bit difficult to respond at times. You asked me for something to help relax after all.

So, one and the first thing you’re gonna know about me, is that I love to explain things. Most importantely, I love explaining on why I write each post, each message and each thought.

This is the post that will explain on why I’m starting this blog, and what comes with it. I do this so I can feel better. It’s my egoistical need and form of expressing myself - a place where I can show what I feel, what I’m going through, and what I think about it. I don’t do it for you, I do it for myself, thus I do not care about whole spectrum of social media’s likes, follows, reblogs, anything about it. Why share it online then, you might ask? I have no idea. Maybe someone will read this and think, “Oh, I can relate. Good thing I’m not the only one. This is exactly what I feel, too. This random guy, somewhere in the world, describes my life perfectly right now, and shapes my thoughts and experiences in actual writing”. Maybe I do it because I’m lying to myself and hoping that someone reading this will feel sorry for me, though it never helps. It can also be a need of proving myself to the world, showing that I can do this, I can go through my life with head straight up. The second thing you will learn about my persona is that I’m full of contradiction and question marks.

I realized, just recently, that I’m not the only one with problems of my kind. Silly, so silly. Now I’m gonna write something, that maybe will get you to close the tab of my profile or just make you scroll further along the dashboard. And it’s alright. I’m very vulnerable, I experience feelings in a way they probably shouldn’t be experienced by a healthy and rational human using mainly his or hers brain to see the world. Like, imagine your average puny human feeling emotions at 100% capacity. Sometimes I get a sense that they hit me with 200%, or maybe even more. It’s riddiculous and I can’t help myself but just do it, I don’t want it, really, but it’s just the way I am. It’s nice when you’re feeling happiness and joy. Really rewarding. But when you feel the opposite? You’re in your own emotional hell that you can’t break out off. And now imagine you’re stuck in there for months, and you can’t help yourself but only feel despair at the 200+% capacity I was telling you about. Now, here is the thing that might throw you off and be like “Fuck him, I’m not reading this bullshit”. I’m shocked anyways that you still are. I’m going through a breakup.

Now, now. This is just part one of the reasons why, and no, I’m not Hannah Baker, I’m not gonna make any tapes.

Well, I’m going to fill y’all in on a lot of things that has been happening.

Start off I haven’t been myself for a long time I final see this now after my family told me.

Well I will be going to the doctor and getting medicine to make myself feel better.

So soon I should be back to my old self and be happy and post me for you guys. I mean what is my blog here for nothing if I don’t write on it.