ceramic sky

someone really needed to write a book on how exactly to navigate one's own feelings and breakdown how relationships were supposed to work. of course, those existed, but hwiyoung had already thumbed through enough of them at a local bookstore to know they were loaded with bullshit. or, maybe, he was so deep in the honeymoon phase of this newfound feelings that nothing in the book made any logical sense. in the end, it really didn't matter, as it at least seemed as though yeonmi was just as lost as he was if their awkwardness around each other during their most recent meetings was any indicator of how they both felt. before it was so easy to touch her, brush a stray piece of her perfect hair away, or gently give her hand a squeeze when she was speaking a little too much about something he had no interest in like her rich girl drama, but now everything felt so different. it was almost as though a whole new meaning was applied to their every little action, or maybe that was just his fear of messing up what they had slipping through.

he'd always heard dating friends was a mistake. hwiyoung had never had many friends, but he'd bonded with a few other boys in the orphanage until the inevitably were pushed out due to their age or were one of the lucky few who actually got taken home to a family.  during this time, they'd discussed things fueled on by teenage hormones and their glimpses of pretty girls in the streets outside. one boy claimed to have experience, or seemingly knew someone who did, and he repeatedly warned hwiyoung to never, under any circumstances, date a friend. it always ended messy, he said, you could never go back to the way things were if it happened to go awry. at the time, he'd vowed to himself he'd never be one of the fools that fell for one of their friends, but young hwiyoung couldn't have ever predicted a girl like yeonmi waltzing into his life.

it's funny how your feelings can so drastically change for someone. while he'd always been thankful for yeonmi's attention, it was more for his own benefit rather than him caring about her happiness. for a while, she was nothing more than a plaything to him, something to keep him occupied and at one point, someone he wanted to steal blind. he was still unsure when exactly the switch had been flipped, but he can vaguely remember suddenly finding her much more bearable and then next he knew, he didn't want to be apart from her too long. not only that, but it seemed she was always running around his thoughts at any given moment in the day. what is yeonmi up to? is she happy? did she eat? this manifested in slightly teasing text messages sent to her with a small smile on his face, always followed up by some cheesy pick up line with a heart or some other emoji. it seemed like the right thing to do as a boyfriend, the hearts and pickup lines, but perhaps he needed to step up his game at some point. they'd yet to even hold hands. maybe that was where he needed to start. then again, the thought absolutely terrified him, and so he'd yet to break through that wall, always telling himself there'd be another time. on her end she'd yet to attempt either. he'd honestly assumed the moment he asked her out everything would magically fall into place and he'd know exactly what to do and when, but unfortunately life was not that simple, and romance was even more complex than he could have ever guessed.

now, sitting next to her on the floor at the foot of her bed, he thinks that maybe these thoughts are the last thing he should be thinking. as for why they were on the floor? he refused to sit on her bed. now that they had an official title, it just felt too real. what if they moved immediately into cuddling? he wasn't quite ready to make that step, and the further they stayed from her plush mattress, the less likely the dreaded cuddling would happen. now, the idea did sound wonderful, and very boyfriend like, but he was sure he'd combust if he was that close to her, especially considering he still hadn't worked up the courage to even twine his fingers with hers. with that thought his eyes flicker down to her hands before back up to her face, his lips curling into a small grin as he catches the excited look on her face, one he tucks away far into the recesses of his brain for a later look. he's not really sure what she's talking about, some designer brand clothing he could never dream of affording, but while this topic may have bored him to tears before, now he found himself elated to just hear her talk and look happy. it was a good look on her, the smile, especially when it was genuine. he still wonders how he hadn't noticed it before, but no matter the wait, he had finally realized it and now he was determined to never let her frown for too long. he wondered if she felt the same way about him.

"right, right, it is a little overrated." he still has no idea what she's talking about, but he laughs nonetheless, wrinkling his nose at the mention of some gucci sweater. he did recognize that name, at least. "i don't know, i think gucci looks a little... tacky? you know i know absolutely nothing about fashion so don't hate me if i'm wrong, but the g's all over just seem a little much in my opinion." he shrugs then, tilting his head in her direction as she slips into conversation about an entirely different brand and the pieces she'd like to get her hands on. right, hands. his eyes flit back to hers again and his teeth worry his bottom lip as he contemplates just how terribly things could go wrong. but life was all about making mistakes, anyway.

he reaches over and slips his fingers between hers before she has a chance to react and pull away, tightening his hold around her hand rather gently as if to say to give it a chance. as for him, he finds himself burning a hole into the ground, his cheeks a rosy pink that he doesn't want her to see as he assumed he'd never hear the end of it if she did. his hand is somewhat clammy and he desperately hoped she didn't mind, thinking she'd understand his nerves enough to let it go. he was unsure of her experience, but his was virtually none, so for him this was a giant leap in the proper boyfriend behavior direction. at least, he hoped so.

"is this okay?" he belatedly realizes he's mumbling and assumes she hadn't heard when he doesn't get an immediate response, lifting his head with a shaky laugh and offering her a grin as he rubs at the back of his neck with his free hand. "i mean, do you like this? holding hands? i thought it was about time."

he doesn't exactly register her exact response, too focused on the color of her now blushing cheeks, and he decides right then he'd like to see it again and again. he can't help the wide smile that blossoms on his face, reaching over with his spare hand to pinch her cheek lightly with an obnoxious coo. here he was, teasing her, as if he wasn't combusting on the inside. his mind had wandered to the fact that now that they were officially holding hands, the next item on the list was either hugging or kissing. that alone was enough to have his cheeks heating up ever so slightly again.

when she questions why he's suddenly blushing, he refuses to answer, instead focusing on an all out assault of her pink cheeks. she could hate him later, the reactions he was getting were just too cute for him to resist. maybe being in a relationship wasn't as hard as he initially thought. confusing, maybe, but he certainly felt happy.

幽玄 yūgenyūgen, literally ‘profound mystery’, is an aesthetic ideal expressing darkness, depth, mystery, transience, ambiguity, calm, sadness and refined elegance. yūgen suggests that which is beyond what can be said; a profound, mysterious sense of the beauty of the universe and the sad beauty of human suffering. It can be conceptualized as a suggestiveness, a lingering memory, an aftertaste or an implication. Imagination is essential for feeling yūgen. In Japanese art it can be expressed by unpainted blank space, simplification, asymmetry, irregularity, imperfection, quiet colours, composition and gold paint.

she can’t help that her immediate response is to roll her eyes so hard it nearly hurts paired with her lightly shoving colt’s shoulder with a small huff. of course, on her end, she was really only trying to help. even if it were only a nosebleed, in a way he had gotten hurt trying to “rescue” her in the first place, even though she certainly hadn’t been in any need of saving to begin with. the other male who’d been speaking to her had only been trying to flirt, much to anzu’s annoyance, but she was handling it gracefully enough on her own before colt decided to barge into the conversation. well, at least his heart was in the right place.

“not at all, ugly.” she retorts, sticking her tongue out at him, her nose scrunching up in the process. their friendship was an odd one, at least to anzu, because they bickered more than they got along. that was mainly due to anzu’s own ability to grow irritated over the most simple of things, but his general behavior didn’t help anything. she finds herself snorting when he speaks again, completely checked out of her initial panic over his bloody nose. he could continue to bleed for all she cared. “and what exactly is that supposed to mean, huh? you’re implying i’m wasting my face? how?” 

she hates to admit that she’s offended, but the comment did sting a little. it wasn’t as though she hadn’t heard something similar before, and perhaps it’s thinking of that woman that has her blood boiling all over again. somehow he’d managed to get a rise out of her by barely even lifting a finger, how annoying. why did she spend time with him again? with that thought she turns on her heel and begins to stomp away, suddenly determined to find herself a nice cup of hot chocolate and perhaps better company as well.

the number you have dialed has been disconnected. please...

not again! maybe he’d gotten the wrong number? surely that had to be it, no way would sieun move on with her life and not take her favorite friend with her. right? right? the more he thinks about it, the more he begins to second guess himself. this is exhibited by the back and forth pacing in his room, his bleached hair sticking out in every single possible direction from him endlessly tugging on it, and his bottom lip being painted a bright cherry red from his constant gnawing at it. he’s rubbed at his eyes through his fake glasses (no lenses, because who needed those, i mean come on) multiple times by now and if he had any sense he’d just throw them to the side. he was in his own room, now circling the edges, why was he wearing glasses in the first place? then, all of the sudden, it’s as though a lightbulb goes off in his head and he halts, pointing a finger up to the sky as his face lights up with his signature boxy grin. he had it. he’d just go bother her at work! watch out, sieun, he has an urgent need to go over all his crush drama and his partner in crime wasn’t there to listen to him cry. blasphemous! 

dressed in his usual get up of mismatched clothing, this time a bright orange hoodie with a striped yellow turtleneck peeking out from the neck and plaid pants paired with white sneakers with the signature red swish on the side, he barges out of his own home, pausing the pose for effect like a true superhero. it was a wonder yerin hadn’t fallen in love with him yet. he was a catch. well, when he was off doing his hero duties, in any case. he was a pretty regular guy otherwise. maybe yerin would only like his alter identity. he’s about to frown at the thought but slaps his cheek before he allows himself the chance, then pats them both gently and puffs his chest out before stomping down the hall. there was nothing baekhyun couldn’t do, and winning the heart of the cute barista was one of those things! he just needed his backup to support him was all! it’d been too long since they hung out (three days, exactly, he was absolutely losing his mind) and he was determined to fill her in on every single thing that’d happened in the terribly long time spent apart.

>he makes sure to wave at every last person he sees on the way out, taking special time to greet his elderly neighbors and even getting side tracked to help the lovely mrs. park with her flowers. he even almost got stung by a bee. just hero duties! he’d have to tell sieun all about it how he bested the yellow beast to make sure the peonies looked positively lovely, as mrs. park always said. peonies were his favorite flower, then again, they were the prettiest in the elderly woman’s garden, so it may or may not have been solely for that reason. once he’d given the flowers the attention they needed he continued his perilous journey to sieun’s place of work where he’d plop himself down outside and wait for her like a lost puppy waiting for its owning, tail tucked between the legs and all. with that in mind, he makes sure to stop into his favorite cafe which happens to be on the way, only to find the apple of his eye not working that day. of course, there was an unread text from her waiting for him in his phone, but he was much too nervous to open it. after all, he had accidentally called her cute and then screamed internally for approximately thirty minutes after the fact. that was actually the reason he’d decided he needed to bother sieun, anyway, what were you supposed to do after you accidentally admitted to your attraction? cry? change your name? flee the country? all very good choices in his book, but sieun was always so great at giving advice unless it came to working out, so he’d rely on her for the final word.

thus, with coffee in hand he plops down on a ledge near where sieun worked. he texts the wrong number a good three times before he gives up, cursing himself for resetting it in the first place after he’d sent the text to yerin earlier. but, hey, could you blame him? love was dangerous! resetting his phone in a panic was his only real option! but now he couldn’t remember anybody’s number. well, his mom’s, but besides that he was at a loss (he always failed to remember it was backed up on his laptop somewhere). he’s just about finished with his coffee when a familiar face emerges and he jumps to his feet so fast he sends the cup of coffee tumbling to the ground where the rest uncerimoniously splatters out onto the concrete. he takes a moment to mourn the lost coffee before he runs ahead straight into sieun’s line of sight, bouncing up and down excitedly in front of her before remembering he’d accidentally littered. that definitely went against the hero code of honor! 

“wait. wait! give me a second.” he leaves no room for argument as he darts back over to take care of his trash, attempting to toss it in the trashcan like a basketball player on to miss by a miserable distance. he pouts momentarily before giving in and throwing it away like a normal person and then he’s right in her face again, shoving his phone into her field of vision. “listen! i have an emergency. but first, i lost your number. and everyone else’s, but that’s besides the point! i’m in danger!”

tagging: anyone who’d like to do it!!

ONE ( ALIAS / NAME ):  eggs 

TWO ( BIRTHDAY ):  march 23

THREE ( ZODIAC SIGN ):  aries

FOUR ( HEIGHT ):  5′5.5 probably

FIVE ( HOBBIES ):  games, crying about homework, having too much energy but no attention span, experiencing writer’s block hehe

SEVEN ( FAVOURITE BOOKS ):  idk.... please... i don’t remember how to read anymore

EIGHT ( LAST SONG LISTENED TO ):  love you too much - lucky daye

NINE ( LAST SHOW WATCHED ):  i don’t remember i thiiiink it was adventure time?? i’m not a big tv watcher

TEN ( INSPIRATION FOR MUSE ):  all over the place,,, for baekhyun it was just a picture on pinterest. hwiyoung, jisung and anzu are all based off video game characters and sooyoung (who’s dead atm) was inspired loosely off of fairly odd parents. i kind of come up with stuff on the whim and roll with it usually.

( just some random hcs i thought of !! this can b revised at any point it’s mainly just here for me to jot some ideas down bc i can’t write rn )

hwiyoung:

after asking yeonmi out he’s a little bit terrified he’s going to mess things up so he’s been constantly walking on eggshells when it comes to anything ~romantic~. he’s hesitant to even hold hands with her yet

that being said, personality wise he hasn’t changed at all, though he no longer views her as a pest and actually really adores her even if he can’t quite put that into words. he’s incredibly thankful for not only her friendship but the fact she put up with him being a petty thief as well as dragging her to mcdonalds at least once a week

he’s still a petty thief though, don’t get me wrong. he has barely any money to his name and he’s too prideful to ask for help and would rather find ways to make things work on his own

he’s definitely stopped lying as much, mainly because now that he’s close with yeonmi he feels like he doesn’t have as much to hide, but he’ll be tight lipped around pretty much anyone else still especially when it comes to his past

he always checks his phone first thing when he wakes up and he’s hopeful he has at least one text waiting for him. even if he doesn’t, he’ll text yeonmi first thing no matter what. usually something annoying followed by ‘good morning!! ☆(◒‿◒)☆’ or something similar

he doesn’t have many friends but he has plenty of acquaintances, most are from when he was a bit younger so they’re not incredibly close especially since most of them followed a much different path than he did

doesn’t even think of going to school at all but if pressed or given the opportunity he would because he knows it’d be helpful in the long run. if given the chance, he’d study psychology, but considering he can’t afford it, it’s the last thing on his mind

filters through the same several outfits all the time. his closet is relatively empty and he doesn’t have too much interest in fashion to begin with. if he does, he just asks yeonmi’s opinion and goes with whatever she suggests

his hair is currently long mainly because he’s too lazy to keep up with constant trims. he thinks about going back to platinum often because he thinks it looks cool but doesn’t want to deal with the upkeep either. it’s slightly curly naturally and currently a nice brown

has terrible handwriting. he likes to write yeonmi stupid notes from time with little doodles just because

still keeps a small collection of various items in his room but the size of it has gone down considerably in the past two years. his apartment is also much cleaner now and he has more decorations overall. now it looks like a home rather than a shell he was just living in

despite being nicer overall than he used to be, he can still come off rather rude to strangers because he doesn’t exactly hold back and can be somewhat cold

things you said when you kissed me goodnight

i hate it here.