Secretly A Mermaid

I hope it is, that would be so cool.

You know what people shouldn’t knock until they’ve tried it? Afternoon drinking. There is nothing wrong with having a drink or two….or seven. It’s like a pre-pre game.

Is everything okay?

I wanna climb the wall!

Good luck with that!

I think that it becomes apparent of your TV obsession when you start quoting stupid commercials all the time. I mean, not that I’ve found myself doing that or anythin’.

Or you start to hum the little commercial jingles.

Did anyone else hear about the “real life Purge” thing? I’m glad I don’t live anyone near Louisville or Detroit, or wherever it is going on. It’s probably a hoax, but I heard someone released a giraffe from the zoo last night. Can you imagine minding your business and seeing a giraffe on the street?

I heard it was either a dumb teenager or a bunch of drunk people. I would be so happy to see a giraffe. Isn't there a movie where all of the animals get out of the zoo or something?

If you feel your brain melting maybe you should watch a documentary or something that would make you feel smart.

My nose piercing really hurts for some reason… Which is weird, ‘cause it isn’t red or anything… It just really fucking hurts.

Has that every happened before?

It’s kind of nice not having a car. It’s fun to see around town!

You say that now, but once you get to know the town you'll probably change your mind.

I am never having daughters. Or sons. Yeah, no kids.

Why do you say that?

Especially with that much chocolate.

Chocolate cake is the best, when it tastes like fudge.

Aww he is so cute.

How could you not? Cake is the best.

How can anyone watch the shite that is Orange Is The New Black? 

Everyone has different opinions and different tastes in shows.

Good Burger is the stupidest movie ever, but for whatever reason, I can’t, like…not watch it.

I've never seen it, but it sounds like it should be on Food Network.

The problem though, is that that is actually so true.

Right? I'm waiting for that hit song to come out.

I was watching this one interview of him and he changed the words to the song Cruise to “baby, you a thong, you make me wanna roll my windows down, boobs” and I bet girls still loved that. He’s kinda brilliant.

Oh my god, he's just amazing. I swear any girl would do anything for him. So you know that if you want a girl to like you, play her an Ed Sheeran song and she'll love you.