pffrrpt

before pride month ends does anyone wanna admit they have a crush on me

posting this on the first day of june so you all have plenty of time to gather your nerves and whatnot

You are a bug in bug hell but your spider torturer so fucking bad at their job that the devil himself has to grab you with his gay pitchfork and help them

In love with this random guy who had a lock slapped on his storage unit for not paying its rental and not only did he ignore management and took his stuff out without paying, but also chose to steal the lock itself and send it to the LockPickingLawyer along with a confession letter

@theoutcastrogue

People always focus on the "lockpicking" part of his name and ignore that the lockpicking lawyer is, indeed, a lawyer, and can tell you exactly which crimes you committed in getting this lock to him

I do wish we could make it a little more socially acceptable to wander the streets at night weeping inconsolably I feel like that would have a great catharsis factor for a lot of people

good morning! remember every day is a chance to begin anew [breaks off and sits on the edge of the bed staring blankly for 23 minutes before running a hand down face like a tortured movie protagonist] my god where did it all go so wrong

Trying to sleep during a heatwave is a great reminder that all oil executives need to die painful painful deaths

living under a rock is so fun i love watching a movie that’s been famous for decades and being like wow this is so good.. did you guys know about this

cats always step precisely on your most sensitive areas when theyre crawling on you lovingly for cuddles. bladder dick ovaries boobs stomach bruise it doesnt matter. they have homing devices on their paws for the exact area you’re most tender at the moment and they put their full weight into that step. and sometimes they might keep their stance midstride so theyre just standing there forever forcing you to endure the pain. because they are simply too cute to get mad at

what if instead of paying companies to delete our info off of databases periodically we like. idk. passed a law that said companies couldnt do that anymore. and set up some kind of task force to disband all the companies that do that. thatd be cool

Extracting from the original tags: this is an 8 minute exposure — it was indeed pitch black

I’m imagining this is what it looks like to elves and others with darkvision.

Oh god the quality of light there is REALLY unsettling. Do Not Want.

I love emoji reactions so much. Don't know what to say but don't want to ignore whoever texted you? Boom. Lizard reaction 🦎

Apples are a type of fruit.

i just don’t feel like we as a society ever fully processed deedee megadoodoo

a cop pulls somebody over for a traffic stop when she gets flattened by a poop truck cause the driver of the poop truck was jerkin his shit nasty style and they report the cop’s name was deedee megadoodoo are you fucking with me right now????

all i do is play video games incorrectly