puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?

at what age does it start sounding wierd to call your baby "it" ?

none. #it/itspronounsbaby #wokebaby #hellyeahwokebaby

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

hard cider was invented when someone decided to make beer that tastes good instead of bad

stupid fuckin post. People have been making beer since before they even knew how to write and you think that they don’t like the way it tastes?

damn all that time and it still tastes really bad. huge L tbh

I have just combined all rice in the world into a single rouse

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry