Originally this was just supposed to just b a trans Dennis blurb but then I got sad ig, hope yall enjoy :p
trans!dennis who grew up with zero sisters and an emotionally absent mother so he basically was raised like a third son. Rough housing with his brothers, helping fix farm equipment and playing catch with his father, the nine yards. Him being a girl wasn’t relevant or important in the slightest. Ever since he was in elementary school, he’d take a pair of scissors and just hack off his hair whenever it got longer than his brothers. When puberty hit, he’d wear multiple sports bras to stunt breast growth and force himself to mimic his brothers and his father’s voice so it’d be more boyish. He’d refuse to use the bathroom at school so he didn’t have to use the girls. He’d argue with gym teachers that he could do the boy push ups just fine and didn’t need to be grouped with those girls
so when eventually he came out to his family, he didn’t expect the huge backlash. He had been a boy his entire life, basically. So what did it matter that it was real now?
His mother threw a fit. Everyone in Broken Bow knew within a week, though pretty much everyone had their suspicions. His parents tried to get their pastor to talk sense into him, as if it would work. Suddenly, being a girl was important. Suddenly, his mother was trying to be an active part of his life. His brothers stopped letting him play ball with them, his father stopped letting him do farm work. His parents would force make up and dresses into his room, praying every night at dinner that God would fix him.
So, when college applications came around, Dennis decidedly applied everywhere as far away from Broken Bow he could. He was a 4.0+ student, blew the ACT and SAT out of the park, he could get out.
He didn’t even know he wanted to do medical school until he began his undergrad. He didn’t even know what he wanted to do. He just wanted out.
Spitefully, he invited his family to his graduation. Dennis Whitaker, earning his BA in Theology and BS in Chemistry.
Nobody showed. He didn’t really want them to. Maybe his father, but he was realistic.
Then, when he got accepted into medical school, he again sent a photocopy of his acceptance letter to his family. Outwardly, he’d say it was spite again. Inwardly? He was lonely. He wanted his family to know what he was doing. He missed his brothers. He missed his father. He missed Broken Bow, strangely enough.
When he finally got to the Pitt, he had realistically given up on trying to reach his family. The pain of abandonment and the lack of acceptance had hit its hardest already, and he had bigger things to do. Like graduate medical school and start his residency. Like finding a place to live and a car to drive. Like coping with the fact that, of course, he had to be gay, too. Like coping with a mass casualty event as your first day in the ER.
So when one day, in the middle of his shift, a dementia ridden old man comes in with the last name Whitaker, talking about his son and being in town for his graduation, Dennis just freezes. He shuts down. He doesn’t know what to do. He feels nauseous, angry, and devastated all at once.
And of course, when his mother and brothers show up, accusing Dennis of confusing his father and making him worse out of spite, Dennis breaks. He ends up locked in a bathroom, sobbing into his hands because he never really dealt with the trauma of wordlessly being disowned.
He’s angry. Angry that his family showed up at his rotation and now so many of his coworkers surely know, they know. He’s devastated, because his father is dying, and he’s angry that nobody thought to tell him. Devastated that his family immediately assume he has malicious intent. Devastated by the reminder that the only person that he can really say he has is Trinity.
When Trinity comes knocking on the door, insisting he come out and rejoin the shift, Dennis is barely ready to do so. He’d rather go home and hide for the next twelve years.
Would his family even invite him to his father’s funeral? Did they just forget him? Did his father actually want to come and watch him walk for graduation? Did his father care? Did he care enough to see him as a man finally? It’s all way too much information at once.
But he rejoins reality. He’s got 7 more hours left in this shift, at minimum. He can’t let this stop him.
Robby insists that Dennis remove himself from the case, due to conflict of interest. Dennis resigns that Robby is probably correct, and allows someone else to cover it.
That doesn’t mean he doesn’t stop checking, though. He slows his pace whenever he passes by his father’s room. Makes uncomfortable eye contact with his brothers. Watches his mother sit and cry at his father’s side. Watches the monitor peak and dip with his father’s heart rate.
Finally, a few hours later, his brothers had left, and his mother fell asleep. He slipped into the room, staring at his father’s form.
“*****?” spoke his father in a weak tone, and Dennis swallowed, it being years since someone spoke that name in his direction. Well, just a few hours now since his mother was also here. Dennis, rightfully, wasn’t used to it.
“It’s Dennis now, sir,” Dennis sighed out, glancing over the monitor.
“Did I miss your graduation?” his father croaked tiredly, and Dennis flexed his fingers at his sides, staring at his father. “Your mother you know how she is with car rides.” Dennis swallowed, feeling like he was about to cry.
“Uh… yeah… yeah, Dad, that was a few years ago,” Dennis muttered. How come no one told him about his father? He should’ve been told about this. His father was dying. “How long have… how come…” Dennis swallowed, unable to land on a way to articulate his thoughts.
“You went to uh… oh what school was it…”
“University of Pittsburgh, Dad,” Dennis whispered, a weird childish fear striking him. His dad was dying.
“Right! That one! You’re a nurse now?”
“Student doctor,” Dennis corrected with half effort. He felt like the world was moving way too fast, and he was lagging behind.
“Doctor…” Mr. Whitaker repeated absently, nodding and staring off into the distance. Dennis felt gutted, swallowing.
“I’m sorry, dad,” Dennis whispered, shaking his head. “I’m sorry I disappeared and never— I should’ve came back. I should’ve been there when you… I’m sorry.” Dennis rubbed tears off his face, taking a sharp breath.
Dennis’ father just looked confused, and the disorientation just pushed Dennis further as he choked on a sob.
“I’m not mad at you anymore, dad, I- it’s okay,” Dennis coughed out. “I should’ve gave you time and- fuck- now you had time and—” Dennis dug the butt of his palm into his eye, attempting to will the tears away. “I’m not mad at you for- for missing my graduation, it’s okay.” Dennis coughed and tried to shake the tears away, shivering a bit. “Fuck- I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay…” Dennis’ father muttered with a hint of confusion. “I still love you, son.”
Dennis choked on a sob, a whirlwind of emotions crashing on him.
“I love you too dad,” he croaked out, turning and crying into his elbow.
Dennis wasn’t sure how long he sat there, crying. He didn’t know how he’d manage to rejoin the shift either. Maybe take a few minutes in the break room to decompress.
He whispered another apology as his mother began to wake before he booked it for the break room.
When his father passed away a few hours later, his mother blamed Dennis. She insisted that it was Dennis’ fault. Mel and Trinity decidedly didn’t inform Dennis of that, but Dennis could feel it. He felt it in the way she yelled at him when he tried to enter the room after the passing. He felt it in the way she sobbed at the foot of the bed and apologized for Dennis.
Robby insisted that Dennis leave, insisting he take the rest of the shift off for bereavement. Dennis for a moment argued that he was fine, but it was obvious to everyone, including himself, that Dennis was running on fumes now.
Robby and Trinity managed to get Dennis’ mother and brothers away from the deceased long enough that Dennis could have his final moments.
Alone in the room, Dennis didn’t know what to do. What to say. He just stared at the corpse for a few minutes, fidgeting with his stethoscope wire. He shifted on his feet before closing his eyes and muttering a prayer.
Dennis wasn’t much religious anymore. He had too much history with it. He went into a theology major with an unconscious desire to appease his father, and really only reserved praying for whenever the guilt got impossible to ignore.
He whispered an “Amen,” at the end of his prayer before placing a hand on his father’s arm. He swallowed, no longer crying.
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