If It Were Easy, Everyone Would Do It

A couple hours after Shane had it, his water breaks.

I’ve reread this scene about a hundred times because I’m currently writing an Anya fic, and somewhere in those hundred times something struck me: the only family that really loved and cared for Ilya abandoned him too. It wasn’t her fault. Irina was sick. But she still left him, and no one acknowledged how terrible that was when it happened because it was more important to save face and pretend it was an accident. Ilya wasn’t allowed to voice his pain or rage when it happened to him. With Anya, he gets to say it. He gets to acknowledge the cruelty of being left behind.

But even though she was abandoned, Anya is not mistrustful. She’s a happy-go-lucky dog, lovable and friendly with everyone. She carries this wound of abandonment, yet every time she meets a new person, all they notice is how friendly she is. How happy. A lot of formerly abandoned dogs are like this: desperate for affection, sweet, friendly to everyone. Doing everything they can to make themselves so lovable that no one will ever leave them again.

That’s the Ilya we see in Role Model. Boisterous, friendly, taking care of everyone else’s pain while hiding his own. It’s not until we get his POV in The Long Game that we see how much he’s suffering.

Shane sees it. When Anya cries at their bedroom door, Shane postpones his very favorite thing to do (fucking his boyfriend) because Anya is scared and alone. He gives Ilya permission to meet her needs, and Ilya can’t move fast enough.

I can’t screenshot the book bc my copy has it spread on two pages, but he says,

“Anya, sweet girl. What is the matter? Are you lonely?”

I think it’s really important we’re in Shane’s POV here. Shane heard her cry first. Shane said, “go get her.” Shane, Mr. “now the bed’s all dirty,” let Anya sleep in their bed because she was alone and she needed it. Shane is not the emotionally illiterate autistic stereotype the fandom makes him out to be. He’s already noticed this loneliness before with Ilya

The difference is, Anya asks for what she needs and lets them give it to her. Shane gets to be there for her in a way Ilya isn’t ready to accept yet. Ilya gets to give her the care he didn’t get as a child who lost his mother. They both can address Anya’s loneliness because she is a dog and she feels safe enough with them to ask.

Meanwhile, Ilya…

He’s not ready. Shane can’t give him what he needs yet because Ilya won’t let him, has spent too long denying his own wound.

This is short and I wrote it quickly and I’ve never written them before, so it might be terrible but hopefully you enjoy!

“This will be fine, right?” Troy asked anxiously.

“Well it’s a bit late to change our minds now,” Harris responded, looking pointedly at the door they were headed towards.

“I just…” Troy started, but trailed off when Harris stepped into his path, stopping him in his tracks.

Harris put his hands on Troy’s cheeks and looked into those gorgeous clear blue eyes, currently wide with anxiety.

“You are going to be an amazing dad.” Troy opened his mouth, but Harris moved his right hand to cover it. “Your dad is a piece of shit. So, that means you know everything not to do. And you care enough about being good that you are this worried about it. You’ve got this.”

Harris pulled his hands back to let Troy speak, but first Troy caught Harris’s hand that had been over his mouth and kissed the palm. It didn’t matter how long they’d been together, Troy never failed to make Harris’s insides go completely mushy.

“I still think you should have been the donor. We’re not giving the kid a great start by giving him my dad’s gene’s.” And mine, was the rest of the sentence that Troy knew better than to say to Harris. Ok, so Troy accepted that and now was moving on to his other, consistent worry. Harris sighed.

“One person with a heart condition in this family was enough. Yes, I know it’s not a guarantee, but only one of us can be freaking out about this and you were going to freak out no matter what so, your genes and I don’t have to freak out about my baby’s heart.”

Troy nodded, though he didn’t look at all less anxious.

“Plus, if we want to give our kid the best start, making sure he’s ridiculously attractive will definitely help.”

Troy gasped in mock offense. “Don’t you dare. A mini Harris would be so much cuter!”

Harris scoffed. “One of us has been on the cover of magazines, and it’s definitely not me.”

Harris loved Troy’s embarrassed blush. It was absurd that someone that hot was that shy about it.

“Now can we go? I wanna see if our son has your eyes.” Harris was practically bouncing with anticipation.

“We won't know that for sure until he’s like a year old,” Troy pointed out.

“Damn, that’s a bit late to return him, huh?” Harris jokes.

Troy snorted. “Yeah, I think we’ll be stuck with him even if he isn’t a model.”

“See? You’re more supportive than your dad already!” Harris responded cheerfully.

Troy rolled his eyes, but as they got to the door he took a deep breath and set his shoulders.

“Let’s go meet our son,” Troy said to Harris, taking his hand.

thinking about shane and ilya getting their 4 year old dressed in her ballet costume. they have to call rose to come in and do a hair and make-up tutorial for them 2 weeks before her performance to learn how to do a bun and apply some blush to her cheeks

thinking about shane and ilya watching their daughter prance around on stage cluelessly and ilya absolutely balling in the audience while shane is cracking up at the both of them.

their kid is the one on stage who *sort of* knows the routine, so she’s yelling at the other kids to do their plies and not stand in her spot. shane is proud that all of their extra practice at home paid off and his kid is the best one on that stage

"everything made sense then"

Ilya, faux-casually: "I was thinking of starting a hockey podcast. Shane refuses to retire and join me though."

Troy: "... Are you asking me to be your cohost?"

Ilya: "What a great idea you just had all by yourself! Now, we will also need someone to produce and edit the podcast and run our social media..."

Harris: "I CAN HEAR YOU AND I AM NOT DOING IT!"

Ilya and Harris are aware of what is happening, and why. In fact, they both do their part to make sure the desired effect is achieved (all in good fun, of course). Shane and Troy, on the other hand, are completely unaware of this, and the entire team does their best to keep it that way so neither of them keels over from embarrassment.

king of nothing

But I feel like the fandom is way too hard on ‘Diamonds’. The lyrics are honestly fitting, and it’s not so upbeat that it would be impossible to slow dance to or anything!

The real outrage should be at the fact that there were no freaking chairs for their guests.