I Already Have Too Many Blogs But Here's Another For Fics Anyway

“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

It’s just one of those days, where you come home from a long tiring day at work and you just know that a green smoothie and a good yoga routine will put you right back on track again. There’ll be time for a bit of journaling, maybe even some meal prep, and if she’s feeling really indulgent, Courtney might even treat herself to a granola bar. Now this is living.

Except – Willam’s in her bed. Under the covers, granted, but stark naked as the day she was born. She flashes the covers to prove it, then resumes protecting her modesty as if that matters in the slightest. Courtney gets the feeling that her nice calm evening will maybe not go down as planned.

“There is! And it’s not a sex reason!” Willam announces proudly.

Well, thank god for that.

“Spill, then. I think we need to talk.”

She launches into a tale.

“So here’s me and Alaska, right? We decide to go out for brunch, it’s been a while since I’ve seen her properly, turns out it’s because she’s been holding out on us but we’ll get into that later. So I’m like hey girl, let’s meet up for lunch today and she’s all ugh babes I’m so sorry I can’t do lunch I have to go pick up you-know-who from the you-know-what and I’m like okay that’s fine so how about brunch then? A little earlier? And she’s like sure thing darling text me the address and I’ll meet you!

Of course I’m fashionably late but I get there looking gorgeous as anything, little flirty wrap skirt and a crop top and my amazing beach tan because hello, look at this complexion darling. Laska’s already there and we grab a bite to eat and then we find out they’re offering a bottomless brunch package and Alaska’s like hey, I know I gotta run but we have time for one, I mean she would encourage this right and I’m like duh of course she would and plus I really wanted to get into those mimosas so I wasn’t gonna say no.

Anyway we’re just slamming them down like there’s no tomorrow and then some girl walks past and Alaska like dives under the table, which by the way is a terrible thing to do when you’re as tall as she is because she smacked her head off the fucking thing, but I ask her what’s going on and she’s like help I slept with that girl a few nights ago and she had to leave in just her big t-shirt because she couldn’t find her skirt and I told her I’d text her if I found it but then it was so cute that I just didn’t text her and now I’m wearing it and if she sees me I’m dead.

Like isn’t that hilarious? Court, I’ve taught her so well.

Naturally I offer her my skirt and we can trade, so we run to the bathroom and do a little switcheroo, girl ends up none the wiser. I promise all of this is relevant. Then Alaska realises she’s late to grab you-know-who from the you-know-what so she just calls her and she’s like heyyy gorgeous so sorry about thaaaat and venmos her for an Uber and the bitch won’t stop complaining but we’re both kinda tipsy so we didn’t care.

We decide to go to the beach because it’s like five minutes away and it’s empty and hey we want even tans. We just stuffed all our clothes in Alaska’s bag and sunbathed and it was so fucking hot I love it, this is truly the best time of year. So that’s all going great and it’s like half an hour and then the phone rings and Alaska picks up and it’s you-know-who again and she’s outside Alaska’s place but she doesn’t have a key and all fucking hell is gonna break loose if she doesn’t get there because – well, you know what she’s like.

So Alaska gets dressed and grabs her shit and rushes off, says to me we’ll meet up again properly soon and I’m all down for that. Then I realise five minutes after she’s gone, my clothes are still in her bag.

Anyway so I had to stroll along the beach completely naked because running would make me look desperate and insane and I couldn’t go along the paths in the city instead because I’d get arrested for being this sexy so I had to stay on the beach which made my journey much longer and I realised it’d take me like fifty minutes of naked beach walking to get back to my place, or it would be twenty minutes of naked beach walking to yours, so I did that. I found your spare key under the doormat because apparently you’re just inviting robbers into your home and then I got cold and got into your bed. I didn’t wanna grab any of your clothes because they’re all ugly and also too big for me because you’re huge.

So that’s how I got here.”

Courtney blinks. “Did you get sand in my bed?”