Aphrodite's Forest

I know that when it comes to anyone improving their life, the first question is: what could I possibly do that would make a difference?

The answer is simple. Literally, anything.

More often than not, we get discouraged to do something before we even get started, the reasons for that are abundant, and not necessarily rational.

I had reached a time in my life where I was in a dark place, which seemed to devour me, and I didn’t know how to come out of it. Job was stressful, bills and expenses threatened to become overwhelming, and interpersonal relationships were either too tense or so loose that I wondered if they even still qualified as relationships.

I woke up one morning, feeling strangely refreshed after about 10 hours of sleep (a miracle at that point), and searched on the internet how to improve my life. I found a lot more articles there on how to improve one’s life than I thought I would. Goes to show, there are more people like me, lost and unhappy who just want to get better.

All of the articles I had found promised a better life, but the skeptic in me refused to blindly have faith. I’m a “seeing is believing” type, so I wanted to see for myself.

After many trials and errors, I found a balance for myself. There is no such thing as a recipe that can be applied to everyone, because simply put, each one of us is unique in their own way.

I took it one step at a time, and ultimately came up with this list that worked for myself.

1.      Getting enough sleep – I used to stay up very late until you could actually call it early again. One night I’ve decided to break out of my unhealthy routine, and went to bed “early”. I managed to sleep for 7 hours, and while I still wasn’t completely refreshed after the first night, repeating this one thing over a week, I started seeing improvements. I yawned less (which was good since my boss gave me the evil eye each time I did that), I felt energized, and had a more cheerful attitude.

2.      Laughing – people tell me that I’m funny all the time. Funny enough, I don’t always aim to be funny. And while I made others laugh, I never really laughed myself. People seemed happy or at least more relaxed when they laughed. So, I tried it. I picked out a really good rated comedy, and watched it by myself, laughing the whole time. I realized, laughing is good for the soul, and there was no need to hold back. It made me feel lighter.

3.      Spending time with friends and family – that was a tough one. We all have that one friend or relative that is just annoying, and never stops talking about themselves. Well, I suggest you avoid those, at least for a while. The first person I really talked to was my grandmother. It wasn’t anything in particular I wanted to say to her or learn from her, just talk, and while doing so I learnt something about her I didn’t know before. Sometimes, allowing yourself to spend time with others teaches you things about them, but it often teaches you about yourself as well.

4.      Expressing gratitude – sounds easy. And it is. I have coached myself to be friendlier, and thank people. As soon as I started, I already saw a change not only in myself, but the people around me. I started wishing people a very good day at the end of a call or smiled more often. Some looked at me as if I was nuts, but the majority welcomed the friendliness, and offered it back. The same happened when I thanked people, even for the smallest of things, and you know what? One lady at the grocery store, overworked, and stressed out, told me that she really needed a genuine thank you that day.

5.      Meditation – you don’t have to be an expert in meditation techniques – I myself checked out a Youtube tutorial, ‘cause yeah, you can find them there. The point of it is to relax and try to disconnect yourself from everything that burdens you, let it go, and become one with the world surrounding you. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and I’m sure others do it way better, but at least once a week I reserve some alone time with myself, doing nothing, just flushing out negativity, and try to find my inner peace. Confession: I’m still a work in progress, but I am told, that’s a good thing!

6.      Being optimistic – I used to call myself a pragmatist, but I had to wonder where pragmatism ends, and pessimism begins. Turns out, it’s a fine line, that not all of us know how to walk. There’s one thing to be pragmatic, and another to avoid living because there’s a chance of failure. I used to avoid new things and came up with excuses, that in retrospect made no sense. After I decided to look at my life and future in a more optimistic way, I decided to say yes instead of no. Being optimistic isn’t a bad thing, it means being hopeful. Why shouldn’t we be hopeful? We don’t know what the future holds. Yes, it is scary, and things might not be going our way, but if we think that only failure might await us, we doom ourselves, and thus fueling our already bleak view of our own lives.

7.      Challenging myself – this part goes hand in hand with being optimistic. In order to challenge yourself, you have to have faith in yourself, and believe that you will succeed. A mindset that constantly thinks of worse case scenarios will ultimately attract failure. Challenging oneself isn’t just about success, in fact, I would argue that it’s about pushing your own limits and boundaries, and learning what you are actually capable of in a scenario you’ve never encountered before. Win or lose, the experience itself will help shape you, and prepare you for more challenges.

8.      Touching someone – now that sounds creepy. Doesn’t have to be. It is simply about contact with other people. Holding someone’s hand, shaking a hand, giving a hug or a kiss (romantic or otherwise), touching someone makes our interactions more real. They give us a sense of belonging, of home, of camaraderie and improve our health in more ways than we may think. Humans are social animals, and we need to be close to others.

9.      Nature – when I was a child, we used to take day trips into the forest, learn about plants and animals, and just enjoyed a good hike. As I got older, these trips became fewer and farther in between, until they stopped altogether. Not everyone has the privilege to live near a forest or have access to a large area that isn’t surrounded by concrete. But a stroll through a park can be just as helpful. Nature is all around us. However, nothing compares to the peacefulness of a flowery meadow. If you have the chance, go outside, take a hike, breathe in the world.

Before 2020, the idea of doing freelance work was as appealing as a root canal. Why would I exchange a sure income source for uncertainty? And, even if I wanted to, what skills did I have to even try?

There were more Cons than Pros on my list, and I simply couldn’t bring myself to make the leap. Because that is what it was: a leap, one of faith. Faith that I would be alright. Faith that I wouldn’t end up unemployed, broke, and living off the mercy of relatives.

Then the pandemic happened, and everyone was forced into lockdown. Many dreaded it, hated it, and worried constantly. I, for the first time, tasted a different kind of work. Remote.

If the pandemic hasn’t taught me anything, it did teach me that working remote, from home was not only achievable, but desirable.

Before the pandemic, I hated going to work. A job I once enjoyed doing and was eager to get there in the morning had become unbearable, and draining. It took a toll on my mental health, so much so that I became suicidal.

Everything was bleak, meaningless, not worth my time or effort. It took my loved ones, and a moment of pure clarity that showed me the path I was supposed to take. Yet, I still felt reluctant to get rid of the weight that pulled me into depression in the first place. I was too scared to quit. The fact alone that I admitted it to myself was already progress, meager, but still progress.

My journey began without me knowing it at the time, a journey that would help me heal.

In summer of 2020, after a dispute with my former employer, I resigned. It was a cathartic. I still recall the moment, walking into my former boss’s office, giving my notice, and leaving with a smile on my face. I was free. Unburdened. It hadn’t settled in yet that I had no Plan B or any significant savings, but the endorphins swirling around in my brain didn’t allow for any clouds in the euphoric heaven I was floating.

My co-workers were perplexed by my announcement, some asking if I had another job lined up – nope! – others asked if I thought this through -yup!

I’ve learnt that sometimes ignoring your brain and going with your gut is the way to go. And so I went. By the end of that summer, about 8 weeks after I quit my old job, I not only had landed my first freelance gig, but I was discovering a world so full of possibilities, I never thought existed. I could finally breathe, and take care of myself. I now worked for as long as I wanted, scheduling breaks when they fitted me and my needs, while earning at least twice as much for half the time I would work in a 9 to 5 job.

There are downsides as well, like if you didn’t have a project, you had no income, and of course, having to learn about doing my taxes mostly by myself. It was daunting, no question there. But worth the risk? Absolutely.

Someone once said, in a joking fashion, that if you work for a company the manager or boss would encourage the team with phrases like “we are a family, we work as one”. Funny though, when it was time to take a fancy vacation on a tropical island, boss didn’t think our “family” would want go.

There are obviously pros and cons for either type of job, but if I would get to choose again, I would pick to be my own boss any day of the week. No question there!