
Kiana Khansmith
Xuebing Du

★

Kaledo Art

Discoholic 🪩
h
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
dirt enthusiast

Origami Around
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
will byers stan first human second
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
taylor price
Show & Tell

pixel skylines
Sade Olutola
Not today Justin
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

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@anyrainyday

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the songs like “scooby doo where r you” but he’s always right there. like the fucking dog is never hiding or missing or anything so what the hell
yesterday i drove by an elementary school in dc called Horace Mann Elementary and their mascot was a centaur and it took me a second to make the connection and when i did i i almost started screaming but i was in the car with my coworker who i don’t know very well so i had to silently suffer for what felt like hours. horse man
Real life Bad Santa doesn't f*ck about!
A Wisconsin mall Santa decided to handle one of the naughty list members early this year when a young girl told him her Christmas wish was for her stepdad to stop molesting her. He and four of his elves attacked the guy, who was waiting nearby, and pummeled him unconscious.
An eyewitness recalled, “Santa didn’t say nothing. He just grabbed the back of the guy’s skull and headbutted him REAL hard.” The witness continued on to say, “Then Kringle got on top of him and just started pummeling him. He was laughing and screaming ‘Ho! Ho! Ho! Motherfucker!’
I love this.
There should be more stories like this
This is beautiful. I support vigilante Santa.

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“he just left in the middle of an argument” dump him “he rolls his eyes when I start to cry” dump him “we never agree on what movie to watch and we always go with his choice” dump him “when he’s mad he’ll stand up straight and tower over me” dump him “his friends make me uncomfortable” dump him “he didn’t appreciate the gift I made him” dump him “I don’t like that he drinks every day” dump him “sometimes he ignores what I said during sex unless I say it again” dump him “he told me he doesn’t like it when I wear my favorite sweater” dump him “he threw something when he got mad once” dump him “he won’t yell but sometimes he’ll just stop responding until I stop talking about it” dump him “he doesn’t want me to go to my friend’s parties without him, but he never wants to go” dump him “he pouts and says his last girlfriend did it for him” dump him “he plays pranks on me that I don’t like” dump him “he doesn’t think my jokes are very funny and makes fun of me for it” dump him “he wants me to wear more make up” dump him “he got angry that I cut my hair” dump him “he still hasn’t met my parents” dump him “he talks about me giving him kids, but we’ve never talked about our future” dump him “he whines that condoms don’t feel as good” dump him “I like having a boyfriend, but I have to put up with a lot for this one” dump him (:
“all he wants to do whenever we hang out is make out/have sex” dump him “he gets upset when he has to go somewhere with me” dump him “he doesn’t like my friends” dump him “he complains about spending time with my family” dump him “he says that i need to do stuff for him because he bought me something” dump him “he blames all the problems in the relationship on me” dump him “he gets mad when i don’t text him, but he never texts me first” dump him “i had to actually convince him to watch a movie with me” dump him “he makes everything into a competition, and he always has to win” dump him
being in a relationship shouldn’t make you feel as though you’re boxed in by what your s/o wants. it’s your hair, do what you want with it. if he doesn’t want to make concessions for what you want to do, but always wants you to follow along with his plans, then you need to find somebody more flexible. your likes and interests are not OWNED by your significant other, nor should they be. you’re still you, regardless of relationship status, and you need to celebrate that.
concept: instead of hedwig, Harry goes into the pet store and this little snake in the back of the store talks to him, obviously gets his attention more than the other animals, and harry feels sorry for it so he takes it home. Then the snake helps Harry throughout his years at hogwarts as harry carries it wrapped around his hand all like “pssssst, haaarryyy, the dark lord isss coming sss” or just petty shit like “haaaarrryy, now is the time, assskkk out cho chaaannngg”
The snake getting really agitated in second year and Harry like ‘Aw, what’s wrong little friend?’
And snake’s like ‘Nah don’t worry it’s cool, it’s just that big fuck-off snake in the pipes that keeps making you think you’re hearing things—it’s like, ten thousand foot long, and I’m a corn snake, so you know. Bit intimidating.’
Third year he eats Scabbers and saves them all a lot of time
concept: willy wonka and harry potter take place in the same universe the ministry of magic haaaates Willy Wonka
“Mr. Wonka,” Dumbledore smiled warmly, looking down into the Pit from his podium. The members of the Wizengamot muttered disapprovingly, shifting in their seats. Willy Wonka, clad today in a bright magenta suit and tophat, beamed cheekily up at them from his chair, his silver-gloved hands cradling his chin.
“Mr. Dumbledore,” He replied brightly, with the barest hint of a lisp.
“I trust you know why you are here?” Dumbledores question was crisp and businesslike, but the twinkle in his eye gave away his amusement at the situation.
“Not at all! I’ve nary a clue,” Wonka wiggled his eyebrows. Dumbledore audibly stifled a laugh.
“You are accused of improper use of magic, improper use of muggle artifacts, and several counts of using magic in front of a muggle,” Dumbledore reminded him. He conjured a projection with his wand. Displayed in grainy sepia was Willy Wonka, arm around a boy of around 10. Behind his back, he twitched an ash wand, and machines in the background around them whirred to life, producing all manner of sweets.
The projection ran its course and collapsed, and Dumbledore stowed his wand back inside his robes.
Wonka smiled and fiddled with his hat.
“How do you plead?” Dumbledore asked, leaning forward eagerly for what would surely be an amusing trial.
“Not guilty on all counts,” Wonka said, perhaps a tad smugly.
The members of the Wizengamot muttered amongst themselves. Not Guilty? Impossible!
Dumbledore hushed them quickly. “Explain, if you would. We have, after all, quite a mountain of evidence.”
Wonka stood and brushed a bit of dust off his suit. He tipped his hat mischievously. “Of course,” he grinned.
“Firstly, use of magic shall only be considered improper whereby it is applied to cause harm or applied recklessly. All magic used in my sweets is rigorously tested for both safety and taste. It is not used to cause harm, but to bring joy.” Wonka paused to adjust his jacket.
“But surely,” Dumbledore said, leafing through his notes, “you cannot deny that you illegally charmed several thousand muggle artifacts?”
“Ah, but I can,” Wonka said, now twirling his cap in his hands. “Muggle artifact refers, of course, to any muggle made object. But, you see, I built those machines, each and every one. They are not muggle machines at all, but wizarding machines, built by a wizard. The factory itself, as well. You could argue that, as machines are a muggle invention, I still broke the rules, but then I could argue that every wizard dwelling with any charms applied to its walls is in violation of the law, as muggles were the first to make bricks.”
The Wizengamot glared silently. He was right, of course. Violating the spirit of the law was not illegal if one followed the letter.
“And the last charge? These are definitely Muggle children, are they not? No magical talent, raised in muggle society?” Dumbledore straightened his glasses and peered down at Wonka, his eyes still bright with intrigue.
“Not at all,” Wonka grinned, placing his hat back on his head. “You see, the ticket system was not nearly so random as I pretended. The tickets were charmed, they would only becomes visible to children with magical heritage. All the children chosen were second generation Squibs.” Wonka bowed low, as if he were finishing a particularly well executed play.
“Well, ladies and gentlemen, it seems no laws were violated after all.” Dumbledore stifled a grin at the groans of angry disapproval from the Wizengamot.
“But he very clearly violated the intent of the rules!” Spluttered a large, rather red faced wizard in the second row. “He’s just…cheating! He’s cheating!”
“Ah, this is true, but he did not, technically speaking, break any of the rules. He did not expose muggles to magic, nor enchant muggle made objects, nor improperly apply magic anymore so than any magical confectioner. I’m afraid we have to let him go.” Dumbledore smiled gently and put away the rather thick file with Wonka’s name embossed on the cover. For the brief second it was open, a list of hundreds of charges with “Not Guilty” inked beside them was visible. It was carried off by a house elf, and the Wizengamot began to file out until only Dumbledore was left.
“You’re a very clever man,” He called down to Wonka. “We could use you at Hogwarts, you know.”
“No thank you,” Wonka called back, grinning. “Skirting the law is far more fun!”
Willy Wonka is a fucking Slytherin.
WTF? “Home Alone” is 25 this year????
I’M SO OOOOOLD!
this is an excellent time to talk about my home alone sequel idea
its 25 years later. a group of men track kevin down to an american-style suburban house deep in the jungles of cambodia. they stagger into his office, bruised and covered in feathers.
“you’re a hard man to find mccalister”
“not hard enough”
jump cut. a military officer is talking to a cia spook.
“you don’t understand. he’s the best. i saw him take apart a taliban kill team with nothing but the contents of a hardware store and a box of toy cars.”
cut to afgan desert. adult kevin in modern military gear presses a detonator. several cuts show a rube goldburg device launching paint cans into startled assassins via planks of wood.
cut back to dark office.
“he’s dangerous. unstable.” the spook says
intercut of a man trying to sneak up on maccalister when he steps on a rollar skate and falls down some stairs. there’s punji stakes at the bottom.
“that’s why he’s the best.”
lights cigar
cut back to officer talking to kevin
“your country needs you.”
“i needed my country, and it wasn’t there for me. why should i be there for her?”
cut to shady military black ops in the jungle, vietnam war style. kevin, in tiger strip special forces camo, watches a helicopter take off and fly away. cut to inside. the team, weary, sits in dejected silence, when one of them suddenly bolts upright.
“MACCALISTER!”
cut back
“we need you for one last job. we’ve assembled an elite team.”
zoom on kevin’s face
“no. i work… alone.”
HOME ALONE 3
cut to man strapped to chair in dark room. kevin is in the background, fetching something. he circles around him, rubbing his hands together.
“you’re going to tell me what i want to know.”
“fuck you.” the man spits.
kevin claps his hands to either side of the man’s face. He screams.
COMING THIS CHRISTMAS
kevin watches a city burn. a man points a gun at the back of his head.
“no fancy traps to protect you here. what you got to say to that, maccalister?”
kevin whirls, disarms him, and kicks him off a balcony.
“merry christmas, ya filthy animal.”
RATED R
this is the best thing I’ve seen all week
How well do you see color?
I’m cry I scored 60, I feel blind
so everyone is aware, a lower score on this means a better score.
I got a 30!!!!!!!! Yes!
7, but i’m an art student so
I got a zero. I don’t study art or anything, I just really like organizing my crayons

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WE ONLY USE LEASHES BECAUSE DOGS CANT HOLD HANDS
I still get emotional every time I think about Appa getting kidnapped and Toph trying to save him and hold the library up and then she cries apologizing to him because she can’t do both and she shook me up more than Passion of the Christ ever did

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I feel educated
Where was this when I was in calculus