Cherophobia

tag what you’re majoring in/intend on majoring in

Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat

“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”

Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.

well you did ask

Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.

you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN

Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.

plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.

Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.

If the multiverse theory is true, then there’s a universe where it isn’t.

Multiverse theory doesn’t cover paradoxical situations

Except in the universe where it does

i’m having an aneurysm

Buy 365 near-identical, solid color shirts that range through the entire color spectrum in a loop. It will appear as though you wear the same color shirt every day, but in photos from previous months you’ll be wearing a completely different color.

I hope you hear my name and it breaks your heart.

I’m always a slut for lying in bed for hours on end doing nothing productive.

This needs endless reblogs

my dogs are such big dorks

i :) can’t :) do :) this :) anymore :) but :) i’m :) doing :) it :) anyway :))))))

a concept: i’m in a warm bed with lots of blankets and i have no obligations to be anywhere. i’m calm and safe and happy and you are here with me