i hope evil takes mastercard

*driving in my smart car* Google glass, show me the nearest e-cig shop! *beeping sound* ugh no! Only show ones that accept Bitcoin!

this was considered an outlandish joke in 2014

Look at this absolute champion and the gleam in her eyes. That is the most charming mugshot anyone has ever had, of possibly the most interesting person in all of Kansas. Surely, if it was a bigger picture, it would reveal that she has satyr/faun legs and a pan pipe.

sometimes there really is a single load bearing piece of information about a blogger that elucidates everything about their whole deal and recently for me it was learning that someone was from jersey. another time it was a prolonged history of concussions

sometimes i see an out of context discourse post and im like "hm this really sounds like op is strawmanning a reasonable argument and making up a guy to be mad at." and then i check their blog for context and realise theyve spent the past 72 hours arguing with the human embodiments of the strawman. like damn nevermind im sorry for doubting you. you are fighting battles so cartoonishly evil i cant even fathom them as real. good luck out there.

What if the real grief was the writing we didn't do along the way

awwwww man. i did real bad at bondage university and i've been suspended.....

please invent an even dimmer brightness level i am begging

meet me under the pier we are going beast mode

light pollution making it impossible to see the stars should be considered a literal crime against humanity and im not joking this shit is fucked

crabs are so gentle, they can be so kind. their claws? precise little things, so careful in the sand, so careful with food. they do what they must to live and wave their claws to express their joy to the world for giving so much to them, for giving such kindness to these creatures known as crabs. please be gentle to crabs

i was on. a new sleep medication last night

i feel like men got too comfortable directing 3 hr movies. like that's manspreading on a cultural level. go back to 90 min movies. i have other things to do this evening. wrap it up charles dickens, you aren't being paid by the word

Out of Touch Thursday

OUT OF TOUCH THURSDAY

but im out of my head when you’re not around…