buck and maddie, afterwards, lying on the bed and curled up around one another. buck is shaking in her arms, mumuring 'i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry.'
'you don't have to be sorry,' maddie keeps saying back, kissing his birthmark. it reminds her of when buck was very small, crying because he thought that their parents were ignoring him because they got mad at him for something he couldn't figure out himself. she held him then. she will never stop holding him.
'i'm sorry you have to do this,' buck says.
maddie holds him tighter. 'i wouldn't want to be anywhere else.'
'i'm sorry chim had to tell you.'
'i'm glad you felt safe enough to tell chim.'
'i'm sorry-' buck's voice breaks. 'i'm sorry i didn't ask for help sooner.'
and maddie exhales against his sweaty curls, breath shaking. she thinks about road traffic and crowded hospitals. what to do when all your resources are empty and you have to figure something out anyways. she thinks about drowning. about running away. buck has always been braver than her in that way. he had always chosen to run towards something instead.
'if someone had dragged me out of the ocean, i would've found another way to sink,' she says, and she's not surprised to feel damp tears at the collar of her shirt. 'i had to choose to get out myself. it wouldn't have worked any other way.'
buck doesn't say anything for a while, just clings to her the way she clung to him once, both of them drowning and life rafts.
'us buckleys are pretty stubborn, huh,' he says, finally. his voice is shaking, but there is something like a smile in it.
she smiles back. kisses his hair. she came back to him, and he came back to her. right now, that's all she cares about. 'yeah,' she says. 'but we always find our way home in the end.'