Advice Group Blog

Failure’s often a dirty word. But failure’s far more positive than we often paint it.

This is an important message for us. Our failures often cause us pain, regret and disappointment. Yet, failure is something that is normal, and something that is human.

This is something we’re reminded of in the first chapter of Isaiah. The Israelites had failed to follow God as was expected of them.

Yet, in the midst of the litany of failures listed at the start of Isaiah, we read that God remarkably offers forgiveness to his people.

“Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool". (Isaiah 1:18)

If you feel like a failure...

If sometimes you feel like a failure, then remember that’s totally normal. As a Christian, you are part of a long heritage of failures.

Yet, through ‘failure’, God has provided forgiveness. And as fellow-failures, we too should offer forgiveness to other fellow-failures.

And, we should welcome failure as a most valuable teaching too, even though it can often be a most expensive lesson!

I have always overplayed this, but after I almost cried on the bus just because someone ignored me today I feel like I need some kind of help.

I overly obsess over people I find attractive (have a crush on one could say). I don't want my emotions and whole life to be controlled by a person I have talked a sentence with since the beginning of this year. I kind of adapt to the person and listen to music I imagine them liking, check accounts he follows to see if he interacted with any posts, cook and watch stuff from his culture and can't wait for the next holiday or his birthday to have an excuse to text him etc.

Of course, I have tried stuff like going out with friends more and getting hobbies (basically distracting myself), but I'm afraid that even if this attraction passes, a new person will come along and the whole thing repeats itself.

Dear anon,

I've been there in your shoes and all I could say is that, you should always keep your mind busy and keep distracting yourself on things that you must need to accomplish in your life. Don't dwell on those crushes of yours because life has so much more to offer and having a crush is just a little portion of it.

Make sure that you focus yourself on your growth whether it may be in your career, personal life, etc. because if you're suppose to end up with a specific person believe me, they'll catch up on your journey called life.

All the best and take care always! :)

Sincerely,

I'm 14, and I don't know what love is supposed to be. I'm eager to feel some sort of love just for knowledge or like for any thing that can replace the lack of love in my heart.

Just last Christmas I found out that a guy liked me, I made the first move and texted him asking if the rumours are true. He said yes, He said he was actually smitten and that he will never stop liking me. He also said that he won't ever move on and even if I don't like him he'll just continue. (He's just months older) then this valentines, He gave me chocolates. My first ever valentines gift. And then a few weeks after valentines, My friend came to class and was laughing abt (let's just say the guys name is.... Marcus?), so she was laughing abt Marcus texting her and saying "I LOVE U" To her and all I could do was like laugh and say "yeah I didn't like him anyways, take him" but it hurt, it actually hurt. I don't know what to do anymore. My friend (let's call her Vanya) "Vanya" is pretty and nice. She's super fun to be with and i know every boy wouldn't pick me over her. What should I do? Do I just avoid her? Or him? Or both of them?

dear anon

you might not like what i am telling you, but you are so young. at 14 love doesn't mean and feel the same as it does with 20. and by this i don't mean, you can't fall in love head over heals with 20 or act like a madly in love teenager with 30 or 40. but with 14 there is nothing to be ashamed about, if you don't know how it feels to love somebody or if you never had a boy-/girlfriend. and i am pretty sure there isn't a lack of love in your heart. what about your friends and family? you love them as well, it is just a different kind of love. love has many faces.

but let's talk about your friends marcus and vanya now. first of all, i'd like to tell you: don't hide your light under a bushel! your friend vanya is pretty and nice and fun and so are you! there is no need to believe, that every boy would pick her over you. looks aren't everything if it comes to love. or do you love your family and friends only because they are good looking? i bet that's not the case. i can't tell you, how honest marcus was with his gifts and messages. there is always a chance, he was trying to get at your friend through you. or the other way around, he wants to get a reaction from you by flirting with your friend. i guess, you will only have closure by confronting him and her. ask him about this valentines gift and the messages he sent to vanya and what they ment to him. and tell him, you are hurt. and talk to vanya, too. because i don't think it is ok to act like she did, especially because she knew what was going on with marcus and you. this needs a lot of strength and courage, but i believe in you. you can do it!

keep your head up, keep your heart strong!c

dear anon

i don’t think you are useless, because you dropped something you lost interest in. sure, i think sometimes you have “to bite through” and not give up too easily, but i am sure this is not the case here.  i guess you have to find your focus in life again. for me this works best if i can do something i love. set yourself a goal and start working on that. for me, this clears my mind and helps me to focus on my work.  sometimes it may be helpful to spend some time outdoors, in a forest or near a river. fresh air and nature also helps to clear your mind and i have my best ideas while walking. and for some people it is the best to write their thoughts down to get them out of their minds. this way you can also write a list, what you like to do, write down your goals and dreams or a life motto and all the steps you have to do to reach them. visualize the process, this helps a lot.  but always remember, you are not useless and you haven’t ruined your life because you are taking a detour! 

keep your head up and your heart strong!

idk and then the worst part is that he found out that i was like mad kinda and dmed my friend about what he should do so i thought maybe wed be able to talk it about but then i get another dm from the girl who sent me the ss and apparently he just started flaming her instead of realizing what he did wrong and i just dont know what to do bc i really like care about this guy and i dont wanna stop talking to him bc of smth like this/with no closure

dear anon

i know, this feels horrible. if you find out, someone is talking behind your back and calling you names, this hurts. personally i think you have to call him out, confront him with what you heard and how it made you feel. tell him, you are hurt and it is not ok to call your friend names, you don't want to be called a hoe. it is just not ok. never! if he has to tell you something, he should tell you directly. depending on his reaction perhaps your friendship will change or you will stop talking at all. but you will have closure, you addressed the problem and lend him a hand.

all the best and a lot of strength!

keep your head up and your heart strong!

I have bottled up any emotions for so long that I don’t know how to talk about them, I don’t know anything. I’m very dumb, and awkward. I hate talking about my problems because I don’t feel like anyone can help me, I don’t even know if my problems are valid, and it’s SO hard to talk about my emotions because no one gets it. No matter how hard I try nothing comes out and honestly I don’t know what is going on anymore. I have always been like this I guess. Everything is so embarrassing to me. What is wrong with me?? Help please? I don’t know what to do anymore no one gets it and I don’t know what to do. My mom made me go to a therapist but it didnt help me, I just end up lying to them acting like everything is fine. I don’t know ughhhhh I feel like this is a never ending nightmare I just wish I was normal I hate being like this I feel like I’m just boring and awkward around other people I hate being like this so bad

Living like this is so painful I try to be normal but I just don’t know what’ll happen if I keep doing this. Please help

hello dear anon

it’s been a couple of days since you sent this message to this advice blog and i’ve been thinking since then, how to answer it. this is hard, but let me tell you one thing: your emotions are valid. you are not dumb or awkward because of them. no one is in your shoes, but of course people weight things differently. and so your problems and emotions might not be so big or important to others. i sense a lot of misunderstanding in your message.  honestly, i would have told you to see a therapist myself. you didn’t specify what therapy this was, but maybe talking about feelings is just not your thing. maybe you can express your emotions better with music or through art, there are such therapies as well. but as you know as well, it is never good to bottle emotions up for too long.  i guess my answer wasn’t very helpful, but i hope you’re keeping your head up and your heart strong!

if you ever feel like you need someone to talk or write, don’t hesitate to slide in my dm’s! 

dear anon,

i am not sure myself, since i had to google that page first. to me, it seems to be a service to track your instagram account in terms of followers and growth. but i am not sure, since i don‘t use it.

i hope this helped a bit.