There is not even time for a quick jerk off

My son gave me a card that said, "You are the best mom ever" so I asked him if he collected empirical evidence to back up that claim. He admitted to doing no research at all; therefore it's purely anecdotal and cannot be trusted. I have hung this sentimental atrocity on my office wall.

accepting that I am a difficult woman

first in my bloodline to read this much gay fanfiction

I live a very balanced life of noticing things nobody else does and not noticing the things that literally everybody notices

Your routines are a love letter to your future self

not ignoring you not replying to you but a secret third thing

forgor

i am an ally to all embarrassing and uncool women forever and ever

they dont tell you this but you carry your upset younger self in you like a parasitic twin

please wear sunscreen!!! I've seen "fuck the beauty industrial complex" posts about complicated skincare regimens and am 100% with them except sometimes they mention sunscreen and no. no. absolutely not. sunscreen is a wonderful supportive friend who wants to keep you safe, and you should let her do it. throw out all your other cosmetics and skincare products if you want, but keep your sunscreen. and if you're not wearing sunscreen, start wearing it!!!! this is not about terror of aging, this is not about every tiny imperfection our fucked-up culture has made you feel insecure about, this is about protecting yourself from skin cancer. wear the damn sunscreen.

"next time, log in faster with fingerprint/face/iris recognition!" how about i keep typing my password like i have for the past 25 years and you fuck off