Today, I am deliriously excited to share another piece of Foolish Behavior art, this time from the incomparably talented @anixfelix! I have already waxed unintelligible about it here on Tumblr and on Instagram, but I thought I'd make an attempt to be somewhat coherent about it on my Patreon (which I'll now share here!) because this artist is incredible, and she deserves it. (Thank you to @anixfelix for allowing me to repost the art so I can gush about it!)
(Obviously, spoilers ahead for chapter 10!)
I first engaged AnixFelix after I successfully won the bid on her Fandom Trumps Hate auction. I chose her because of this incredible art she did of Crowley in drag as a lounge singer, and I was absolutely in love. After a bit of bidding and being out-bid and re-upping my commitment to hooking this incredible artist, I won the auction!
As you may or may not know, my goal is to engage a different artist for every chapter of Foolish Behavior to have every chapter brought to life in a different style. I gave Anix a breadth of options for which chapter to do; I put together a little presentation with enough reference images and information on each chapter so that an artist could dive in and do the work without having to read the entire fic, or even the chapter it’s based on.
And Anix blew me away by actually reading the fic. And that already filled me with so much confidence in her ability to come up with something truly special.
She requested to work on chapter 10, saying she already had an idea, and asked about including some elements of the flashback. It’s important to know that, at the time, my vision for chapter 10 art was very basic — Crowley sitting at the bar, holding his whisky, looking slightly forlorn at Aziraphale as he shares his past.
This is what the references looked like:
My intention with the reference art was to choose a composition that would invoke something timeless and poignant, so I scrounged together some of these stills from various TV shows and movies.
Anix took one look at this and said, “Hold my beer.”
Actually, what she really said was, “Would it be too much to have a less detailed but still readable instance of the flashback (the instance right at the cutoff) as a part of the picture?” Which I thought was so fucking cool, I could have perished on the spot. Nothing makes my writer's brain go brrrttt more than knowing that something I wrote gave someone inspiration for something even better, especially when that something is a stunning piece of art.
And within what felt like seconds, she turned around this idea:
It was so stunning, I could hardly breathe. It was somehow exactly what I pictured when writing the chapter, and also completely different. Having the perspective in the flashback of standing behind Crowley, so we’re seeing what he’s seeing, was so striking. And all of that in the visceral space behind present-day Crowley at the bar… it just blew me away.
As much as I wanted to proceed with it, I felt it was too “spoilery.” I wanted to be able to promote the art far and wide, while recognizing that most folks would be seeing the art before reading the story. I wanted to protect the mystery of the plot twist, and since this is a pivotal moment of that, Anix and I discussed ways we could keep the same emotion of the composition without giving away too much of the story.
That’s when she came back with the next sketch:
And once again, I was floored. Like, 10/10, no notes, I just said keep going. Which brings us to the next variation the process:
Anix very thoughtfully asked if I accepted the longer haired version of Crowley in the flashback, which I thought was such an incredible insight into his characterization. To me, it made sense that Crowley might cut his hair off after Melody’s death — perhaps she really loved his hair, it was something he grew out for her, and he couldn’t bear to have it any longer when he no longer had her. It’s a little bit of lore I’ve adopted and will absolutely include in the story if there’s ever a moment for it to come up.
At this point, the only “note” I had was that it would be great to see part of Aziraphale in the art. Which wasn’t something I had initially even asked for, but it felt right to ground the art in the setting by included him, at least partially. That’s when Anix added in his arm and his glass in the seat beside Crowley.
Before long, we ended up at the final completed version of the art:
There’s so much about this that I love. Besides, of course, the fact that her instincts as an artist were so much more valuable than mine as a writer (all right, let’s call it a team effort). Can we talk about the lighting for a second? It’s so warm and moody, which is perfect for the tone of the scene. The way the light is strongest and focused around Crowley’s head and then fades out as it gets further and further away from him. The way his flashback is plunged in total darkness, but how his past self is still there with him — monochrome, but no less present, and certainly no less visceral. The detail in the tears in his eyes — both past and present.
I also adore the detail on the space behind the bar. The neat rows of bottles and pristinely washed glasses hanging. The way the setting for the scene is so neat and tidy, while the emotions taking place inside of it are anything but, showing us how isolated Crowley feels. I’ve always loved the idea of having Crowley tell this incredibly intimate part of his past while surrounded by a loud bar crowd. The juxtaposition of the elements is just so fascinating to me. And even though I’d always kind of pictured it like a loud, messy bar, I actually really love Anix’s instinct here to make it look so well put together. Everything that Crowley is not.
Then there’s Aziraphale. I don’t know how Anix managed to draw a hand that is still in its depiction yet so active. The way one hand is casually around the glass but the other is ready to reach out at a moment’s notice. Poised on the precipice between holding space for Crowley and holding Crowley instead. It captures the feeling in the scene so beautifully. You can tell, without ever reading a word of it, that there is a tension between Crowley and Aziraphale. That something has happened that is keeping Aziraphale from reaching out completely, but you can literally see it in this art that he wants to reach out. Wants to comfort Crowley. Set aside all their messy business and just be there for him. But everything between them is still so complicated, and the space between them is so fragile. That’s not an easy thing to capture, especially with limited canvas space. It’s literally just Aziraphale’s hand, and yet I can see and feel and taste all of that flavor in what Anix has done.
And then there’s the shadow of the person on Crowley’s other side, reminding us that they’re still in public, that this tense, monumental moment is taking place in a sea of strangers. And yet it still feels like it’s just the two of them, off in their own world as they so often are. It’s such a masterful way of expressing how Crowley and Aziraphale can make each other feel like there’s no one else in the room — make us feel like there's no one else in the room — even when there absolutely is. But again, look at the lighting; the focus is on Crowley, but a tendril of the light casts out to grab Aziraphale’s hand, pulling him into the focus just enough to put them in the same bubble, keeping the rest of the crowd in the shadow beyond it.
I’m so happy with this art. This is exactly why I love working with artists. I can tell an artist, “hey, do this thing for me, please,” and they can parrot back exactly what I asked for. But, if they’re masterful artists, they can do what Anix did and come up with something even better than what I ever could have asked for.
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