turned out ok. worked with a yellow belt then had a points and a timed match. won the point match even though i was messing up a lot. but my last point was slick as fuck and im still really happy about it. basically slipped in interrupting his combo. timed was against a 3rd dan. he took advantage of my bad habit of leaning in and down, got two head touches on me. i didn't do awful but i could've done a lot better. i keep tightening up and getting too stiff and tense. noticed that i was tensing up even just watching. i get so tense i feel like I can't even throw a punch if i saw an opening for it. a former student (2nd dan) came back to instruct and he just evaded with the lower belts. hes so relaxed he can just slide in and out at any point. its really mesmerizing to watch. hes just sliding around and either making them wiff or being so close they cant throw and it happens as they move. i really need to learn to clam down and control my shit. they keep telling me being tense will tire me out more and make my actions slower, i just have to get past that mental hurdle somehow... it feels more like a wall. i dont want to lose, i dont want to get hit. i want to take advantage of the opening, hit them and win. i made a bunch or sloppy hits on my point match which weren't counted. every time he took one we paused. i should've just taken that pause and kept going but it didn't seem fair. but then it was pretty frustrating to get on target and be told nope, keep going. plus hes got height and weight on me. so it felt like i had to be fully on cuz he also likes to just put his weight on you and make you deal with it. so it's been stay out of range, bait, or wait for an opening. hes one of the few i have a speed advantage on so it was doing ok of keeping my distance and letting him wiff. but i have to have my attacks right cuz he has a habit of clashing legs for anything he sees coming and its actually more annoying than anything. my timed match was basically a mess. im more comfortable going against him cuz ive known him for years and he does go a bit easy on me. but he'll teach me a lesson if he see one. i got a hit in at the end, basically made a repeating side to make him think i was gonna keep doing that then hooked and got through. so not all bad.