make something gross feel romantic

skip divorce where for various reasons scott hunter ends up crashing on shane and ilya’s couch after the public intoxication charges… on the couch because ilya won’t let him sleep in the guest room (he wants to turn him out of the house) and this was their compromise. he and shane keep having whispered fights about it in the kitchen while scott is morosely watching tv in the living room with the volume on full blast while secretly nipping whiskey out of a flask he’s been cunningly concealing between the couch cushions. shane is like he’s a fucking mess ilya, it’s actually embarrassing and pretty bad PR like he’s kind of making all gay hockey players look bad, isn’t it better to let him stay for a few days out of the public eye, and ilya is like that prehistoric barely alive intoxicated dinosaur is going to try to FUCK my beautiful HUSBAND I’ve already SEEN him making sad wet eyes at you hoping you’ll find him pathetic enough to hook up with, and shane is like oh my god ilya don’t be ridiculous he just got divorced he doesn’t want to have sex with me!!!!, and scott hunter who just lurched into the kitchen unheard behind them and is a flask and a half deep at this point is like soooo [hiccup] what’s up with you guys anyway. like is your marriage basically open or— and then ilya tries to kill him.