Not all poems are about you

Written and illustrated by Kida Umi

Maybe there are days when the seconds are actually tripled in a minute.

My clock ticks and screams past eleven, how come I feel like I’ve already lived for two days in the past hour?

Fatigue has progressed within me again. My existence feels like it is in a fast forward as my soul just wants to pause, and I think that exhaustion is the worst kind.

Tell me, does the world also experience this sudden acceleration? does it even get exhausted from spinning on a loop? did it ever wondered if its existence was made easier, had it been made flat?

were there days when it complains to the universe and refuses to rotate for undeserving people like us?

or did it just accept its fate to dance with the sun for all its life, until they both burn and become dust?

There must have been days when it grew dizzy from all that spinning. There must have been days when it felt weary to its core and just wanted to stop.

Thank you for trying so hard, despite your exhaustion.

Written by Kida Umi

I held onto my chest for dear life. I tried to control my expression, same as how I’ve always tried to take dominance over my whole life, but beneath me are voices screaming loudly and gasping for air. I don’t even know how I still had the energy to tightly grab my bag when I was struggling to even hold myself together.

It sunk in me that this is the last day I will get to experience my normal life. Chaos within has manifested all around; panic has brought out the worst in people, uncertainty has crawled like a storm that we saw coming but are never really ready for. And this new reality dawned on me like a tsunami violently crashing against my body, pulling my feet in deep waters. I try to fight it off. I try to swim up to where the light is. I try to stay awake. But the more I try with my own strength, the more it feels like I am out of breath.

So I let go.

I count one to three. I caress it.

Four to ten. I comfort it.

Eleven to thirty. I condole it.

Thirty one to fifty. I confirm it.

Sixty one. Sixty two.

One hundred one. One hundred two.

Two hundred forty.

Three hundred sixty.

Four hundred eighty.

Five hundred thirty four, five hundred thirty five, five hundred thirty six, Five hundred thirty seven, five hundred and thirty eight.

I survive it.

I count until my burdens are lifted off, until my lungs are filled with air and until my body finally floats to shore. I loosen my grip and open my eyes,

—-

22 THINGS I LEARNED BY 22

1. Not every one you meet (and love) will have the same heart as yours. It sucks, but it’s the truth.

You’re going to give a lot of love for people who won’t give them back to you. You’re going to pour your heart and soul into relationships that, turns out, will have expiration dates. You’re going to do a lot of things without getting anything in return. Because not everyone will think the way you think, and not everyone will love you the way you will love them. So you can’t expect people to do things for you just because you’re willing to do the same for them. You can’t expect people to stay in your life just because you stayed in theirs. But not getting the same love that you have given never means that it is already a love wasted. Maybe – and I said ‘maybe’ because I’m still trying to figure it out – just maybe, that was their limit. Maybe it’s what they’re only capable of giving at the time. After all, in love, it never really is going to be a 50-50 from each side, but rather a constant effort of 60-40 or 70-30 or 80-20 with the person who gives more changing depending on the day. Still, it’s never supposed to be 100 and 0, with you giving the 100% all the time. But sometimes it happens. Sometimes you’re willing to move mountains for people who will never do the same for you. And I hope you know that when that happens, when you no longer get anything out of the everything that you have given, I hope you realize it’s time to walk away. It will never mean that you were wrong to love them with the intention of giving your all. Maybe, it was just a love that was not meant to be.

2. You will attract the same person as you, so always be a good person.

If in magnets the opposite poles attract, in life (basing from my personal experiences) they rarely do. Because you will build relationships out of attraction – of hobbies, wants and interests, and you will captivate and keep these relationships based on your level of similarity with them. You will build your own environment with your principles, which is why you have to make sure you stick to the good ones. You have to always choose to be a good person, so you can attract people who have the same energy flow as you, and you could create a happier and kinder territory for you and your tribe.

3. It’s true that you’d have to fight life yourself, but it’s always better to know you have someone around.

You’re going to rely on yourself for a large amount of your life, and you’re going to be there for yourself when no one else will. That is true. But ultimately, you’re going to need other people to get through the tough times, so I hope you have someone you can lean on when you start having trouble counting on yourself.

4. And even though you’re going to need other people, as you grow up you will realize that you don’t need a lot of them around.

Sometimes, you only need one.

5. Get rid of toxic people. Even if you love them.

Even if you feel like you can’t live without them. If they start becoming torture rather than aid, leave. If they start hurting you far more times than making you feel happy, walk away. Love and friendship will never be an excuse for someone to treat you wrongly. So if someone doesn’t give meaning to your life anymore, give them up. No matter how painful it might be, accept that they no longer serve you a purpose, and that it is time to part ways.

6. ‘Busy’ is only a concept, and so is ‘I’m not ready.’

It is only an abstract idea, a general notion – a reason or excuse (up to you to decide which) that puts a subjective conception in our heads. In fact, there are still a bunch of concepts that I may not be able to elaborate about, but those two are the ones at the top of mind. I don’t think I could ever put into words what I feel about it, and I don’t think we could ever get rid of these concepts entirely. I only hope we try our best not to use them always.

7. Timing is never going to be right unless you make it right.

The life we have now is full of choices. We always decide whether today is the right time to love, and/or the right time to be the right person for someone else. But for things to really work out (especially in love), the other party must also decide to choose us. He (or she) must also choose to be ‘right’ for us. And if they don’t, then that’s when things don’t work out for you. This is why ultimately, even if we could choose which time will be the right time for us, there will always be the perfect timing for everything.

8. You need to move at least five times in your life.

I think I’ve read this bit somewhere before, and it stuck to me ever since. Doing this allows us to create a bigger perspective, to associate ourselves with new people, and to step out of our comfort zones as it gives us a chance to open new and unfamiliar doors. It will also permit you a start over, especially at a time when you badly need so. Maybe moving is a form of escape for others but for me it is only providing yourself the opportunity to roam around before you finally settle. When you’ve finally seen more of the world and what it offers, that’s when you’ll know in what way will you want to say ‘I’m finally good here.’

9. Practice talking about your goals so passionately as if speaking intensely about it would bring life into your words.

I can’t stress this enough. However absurd your objectives are in life, preach it. When someone asks you about it, talk to them with your voice high-pitched and your eyes sparkling at every word. It’s not being ambitious, it’s being motivated. If you want something to happen, claim it.

10. Know yourself, and get a good grip of it.

This is essentially vital, especially in this world where everyone will try to tell you who you are. You must stand tall, take it all in, look them in the eye and then walk away. You do not need to explain to them that they are wrong; you do not have to say “no, this is who I am.” As long as you know who you are deep inside, their opinions of who you are will never get as far as from one ear to another.

And once you know yourself, please, please, please, get a good grip of it. Never stray away from your views, morals and principles in life. Because it is not only people that will try to change them, but also the experiences you’ll get along the way. So get a good grip of who you are, so that you do not end up losing yourself in the middle of achieving your goals.

11. Always be kind to people, because you can be mean later on.

Some people don’t have it as easy as you. And when you think you’re having it tough, some people have it even harder. So always be kind. No matter what they say, everyone is fighting their own battles in life. Offer your kindness to the world, especially at this time when it is really much needed.

12. Always move forward.

Rather than saying ‘moving on’, I like the term ‘moving forward’ much better. I think it’s because when you move on from something, you just leave it behind you. And in my case, I prefer it if I take things with me as I go. It’s not because I want to cling on to it, but because remembering the experiences you’ve had allows you to constantly remember the lessons you got out of it as well. You do not revolve your life and your choices around it anymore, but you bring it with you (still) in every step you take. Besides, that is how you’ll know it doesn’t weigh that much already.

13. Admit it when you’re in the wrong.

There may be nothing as horrible as not accepting your mistakes when you do make them. So please don’t be a stubborn brat and save yourself the trouble of being stuck with your own pride. It’s okay to be wrong because you’re only human, anyway. So admit it when you’ve done something wrong, and know when to apologize for it.

14. Always open your eyes to life’s signs from up above.

I’m a firm believer that God sends us little signals every now and then. It may be in the form of a sudden rainfall, a cancelled meeting, or even as heartbreaking as a rejection. Sometimes, fate is in the works, and they can’t help but give us short teasers every now and then. Look out for them.

15. Be proud of your friends.

Pull each other up instead of dragging them down. You can shine bright with your loved-ones shining up there with you anyway. So cheer for them when they need it, congratulate them when they succeed and smile for them when they’re happy. Don’t be jealous because your blessings will come at the time God designed it to come. While you’re waiting for it, clap for your friends when they get theirs before you got yours. You’ll be amazed at how fulfilling it would also make you feel.

16. Your family is everything. Take good care of them.

Always be grateful to the Lord for giving you your family. No matter what happens, they will be yours. They will be the one who’s going to support you in every way. They will comfort you when you need it; heck, they’d even cry for you when you’re trying your best not to. In this world where everything’s changing, I could say that they’re one of the few ‘constants’ you could have in this life time, so it’s important that you make them happy and proud. You owe them who you are right now, and they’ve tried their best to mold you into the greatest you could ever be. Thank them. Always thank them.

17. There is no such thing as “too long” when it comes to getting over a heartbreak.

Do not let others dictate you how short you should weep over a failed love. It’s not their heart break, it’s yours. If you feel like you’re not over it, then you’re not. Don’t be in a hurry so you could show them you’re okay. You can be okay and still feel the pain, anyway. So don’t listen to what other people say. Screw them, take your own damn time.

18. Experience outwins everything.

Always remember this: we get to live only one life. And no matter how long the hours feel like, this life is surprisingly a short one. So stop being scared to try new things or being lazy to create new memories. We may have all the time in the world to have these experiences, I know, but if you do get a chance to choose between sleeping in or a long drive to the nearest beach, I hope you get out of bed as fast as you can.

19. You wont get the life you planned out for yourself, so it’s vital to make the most out of what you get.

When you were 7, you wanted to become an actress. When you were 10, you wanted to become a doctor. When you were 15, all you wanted was that boy to be the ‘one’, then when you were 20 you realize that it’s too early to spend forever with anyone. Right now you’re probably studying a degree that was never part of your dreams when you were 9 years old, or maybe you finally got the job you wanted, but it took you just yesterday to realize it. This life that we have keeps on unfolding right before our very eyes, and it takes us to different places that we never have the intention of visiting at all. Still, make the most out of it, because this is the life that God has willed for you. It may be the life you wanted or it may not, but one thing’s for sure: it’s yours. So despite all the detours that God engineered, I hope you still do your best to craft it and make it the life you envision it to be.

20. Always give your best, even if no one applauds for you.

Not every moment, people will see the good things you do. Still, do it anyway. Offer food to the needy even when you’re walking the streets alone. Pat yourself on the back after getting a high grade, even when your professor didn’t know you stayed up until 6am studying for that test. Always work hard even if people do not notice it. As long as you give yourself credit for doing a job well done, you’re not going to need other people’s compliments to make you feel good about yourself.

21. Everyday, I hope you choose to inspire people.

This may be the most important out of all the lessons I’ve learned in life. There is no greater fulfillment than knowing you’re changing another person’s lives. Even just through imparting emotions and words like sharing a meaningful article on Facebook, or writing a piece of literature just to make someone feel they’re not alone in whatever they are going through. Or just through the small actions like smiling at a stranger that’s late for work, or offering your seat to an old person who might have his (or her) back hurting, or even giving extra love to a friend because who knows? They might not know they actually need it  that day. No matter how small of a gesture it is, do it. Do it with the hopes that you make someone’s day a little brighter, lighter and easier. Do it, because you’ll never know how big of a help you’re giving to another. You’ll never know how badly they’ve needed it.

I hope that throughout your life, you will always choose to keep on helping people, because this will inspire them to become better people as well. And ultimately, this will inspire them to become an inspiration to others as well.

And lastly..

22. Whatever you’re going through, learn from it.