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I’ve always been a little obsessed with this left pic bc in it I kinda look like someone I know who I’ve always found really aesthetically pleasing. Also ass.
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I loved the ice cream video!! Do you have any more? I didnt see any on your site and mega dislikes my phone greatly
it's the only one i have up rn! all of my older stuff was with an ex so it's purged from the internet. i'm working on new stuff but it's hard rn with moving and shit. thx for watching ♥️
i would actually give anything to fuck someone with my dick. maybe i should consider phallo despite all the medical anxiety that entails because like... god i don’t know. sometimes when i jerk off i can’t fucking cum unless i imagine fucking someone with my cock. sometimes literally nothing else works. the despair i feel at the gap between my thoughts about it and actually being able to have that happen makes me want to die
Reading the whole bit about your situationship (?) and sending you love cos man that's a lot to be going through I'm sorry. I feel like I can relate to the girl you're talking about because the way she talks about how she interacts with conflicts mirrors my feelings and terror about conflict but she's not being fair to you in how you want to be treated and she's not trying to meet you and then putting the onus of permission on you by explicitly stating you don't have to respond, which I relate to HEAVILY but again is not the way to do things or treat you fairly??
Idk exactly how to fix this problem tho without her deciding to do better by you; I guess I want to say you do deserve to be treated well especially by someone you do like. Also I relate to the loneliness you talked about, that sucks a lot, I'm sending you a hug for all this <3
Hope your talk with her goes well and you can reach a nice resolution that works for both of you <3
reading this and looking at her actions through a lense of fear actually really helped me so thanks. she is a trans woman who grew up uber catholic in texas. idk why that has not really crossed my mind until now that she may just be terrified as fuck of conflict with me. i am kind of extremely blunt and also sort of a cunt. i think this will help me with my approach when i do talk to her, thank you
Hi sorry I don't know you and you don't know me but I saw your post about your ex and it reminded me a lot about my own ex's attitude and wanted to relate. There's something so dehumanizing about someone who has to open every inquiry with asking if they're ALLOWED to even talk to you. Like you might snap and bite their head off any minute for daring to speak with you.
Except it's like. Well I never got mad at you for asking about my day, did I. For me it was always about the borderline abusive way they'd been acting to our partner. I found being treated like a ticking bomb is just an attempt to shut down criticism. I'm so scared you're gonna be mad at me, can't you see I mean no harm? I never have and never will want to hurt someone? Now if you get mad at me I can make you out to be the bad guy to keep myself free of wrongdoing.
Anyways. If you do reconnect with your ex. Don't let them keep hiding from judgement. Someone who respects you shouldn't be scared of being told no. If she continues folding under the slightest pushback she truly, truly is not worth it. Do not waste time on people who waste yours by dodging conflict.
yeah it is pretty dehumanizing. i think overall i felt very dehumanized throughout our entire relationship
for clarification i'm not trying to get back together with this girl. i would love to be casual friends. civil in the kitchen, at the very least. the occasional we-shouldn't-do-this fuck buddy at the most. but i'm absolutely not interested in dating her and i will not be trying to hold her to any sort of judgement really because i understand that's not how she works and also sort of not appropriate for our relationship. all i can do is meet her where she’s at and leave it if i feel too disrespected
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In my opinion it sounds like she's not actually interested in building anything and just wants to bully you into getting whatever it is she wants from you and then to string you along when she's not using you.
I might be a bit reactive to this sorta stuff 'cause I'm in the middle of letting a friend crash on my couch to get her out of a shitty relationship but I think her behaviour is just about reasonable grounds to kill someone.
It's possible to have difficult conversations about this sort of stuff but both people have to want to talk and some people just want you to fuck you around and string you along by your attachment to them until you've exhausted yourself and roll over.
hey there buddy so here's the thing
i like to believe nobody has insanely evil batshit intentions and are actually just fucked up and anxious internally themselves and those unhealed anxieties sometimes hurt people in conflict
it's sort of fucking horrible for you to say that's "reasonable grounds to kill someone" like i get you're probably being factious but also recognize what youre saying? you're saying her life should actually end because she’s avoiding a difficult conversation? kinda wondering what the fuck is wrong with you
this is a silly thing to be upset about but i need to get it out so
me being a little baby about nothing under the cut
theres this situation that is driving me INSANE right now
the girl i dated for like 2-3 weeks earlier this year is really fucking bumming me out. i broke it off with her romantically and we said we'd still be friendly. but she started acting very distant and stressed out when we occupied the same space after that. i kept trying to talk to her, inviting her to stuff, etc. but it just didn’t work out.
but she kept doing these small THINGS that were bothering the fuck out of me. she’d be super performative about certain shit at me, i think to try and continue to make me interested? she eavesdropped on every conversation i had and stare when she thought i wasn't looking. she orbited around me when we we work in the kitchen together every week and alway found a reason to boss me around/tell me what to do/be near me. she mega flirted with my roommate/ex in front of me (it was unwelcome to the point where even dizzy was like "yo fuck off" because she was being so weird). after a particularly bad night at the bar dizzy told her off and blocked her on social media and shit. i messaged her the next day and told her i needed to talk to her because i was uncomfortable and i wanted to request she didn’t do shit like that.
she showed up the next week and before i could say anything she told me she was going to give me space and leave me alone. she framed it like i was being kind of irate and insane at her. i was kind of taken aback because i had told her i wanted to talk but i was just like ok. this bitch doesn't want to be my friend thats literally fine. i wasn't being crazy i was only interacting as much as she was inviting and just trying to be nice and genuinely friendly. but like when someone crosses a line with you sometimes you just gotta tell them and assert some boundaries so they don't do it again. but she framed it in this insanely weird way that made me feel crazy like i was being irrational for having a problem with how she was acting around me. if there weren't other people also witnessing it telling me "yeah that was really weird" i would have thought it was all me. idk.
few weeks go by and she is always trying to talk to me in the kitchen. occasionally saying shit to me like "you don’t have to respond to this but i like your new tattoo" and "feel free to ignore me but that food you made was really good" and it made me feel so fucking weird like WHY are you acting like i'm giving you the silent treatment or like i'm this explosive bomb that's going to go off. i just kind of ignored everything she said at me as long as it didn’t pertain to our work. i wasn't mean or rude and i don’t think i acted weird i just would give a smile and not respond or just nod and say thanks and keep moving.
this week she made sure to ask me to cook something that required me to be right next to her. she gave me a "it's okay if you don’t want to tell me but how have you been? am i allowed to ask that?" and i just stopped and looked at her and was like "you don't need to ask me if you're allowed to ask me how i've been" and she told me that she was giving me space like she said so i said "i didn’t ask for that though i asked to talk to you and you came up to me the next week and said you were gunna leave me alone" and so she said that it was on ME to come seek her out for a conversation and that i had been icing her out for weeks. i repeated that i had said i wanted to talk. she said that she avoided it (the words she used were "i think i ran") because she felt like she was "just going to get screamed at and not heard at all" and that she thought "if this bitch doesn't want to be my friend then fine i'm not going to get down on my knees and beg" and i just stood there and stared at her because like. what the fuck? never ONCE have i ever screamed at her. never once have i implied she needs to grovel at my feet or try to get back in my good graces for something.
i really didn’t know what to say to that because i was just reeling. so i just responded "that was a lot of really loaded statements you just said to me" and she just said "yes it was" and for context we were kind of yelling this at each other in a busy kitchen over like three other peoples heads while we all worked the stove. she said something along the lines of "i want to be friends but i don’t want to put in a bunch of the legwork and im sure you don’t either" and i just looked at her because like what? and so she said "we should talk more about this later" and then sort of stormed off and avoided the fuck out of me for the rest of the day.
so like that's where it was left and i'm sort of fucked up about it. in many ways it feels like a continuation of the same shit from when we briefly dated and she just fundamentally misunderstood me over and over again. i feel weird like somehow ive been an evil monster to her and she somehow seems to feel the same to me. i just don’t quite understand why it keeps happening like that.
ok and here's the thing too that i know anyone reading this is going to groan about because every time ive ever talked about this on here ive gotten a resounding "she's wack fuck that" but im still really fucking caught up on this bitch. i like her attention and i still get all soft in the heart when i see her. im still very much attracted to her. if im not on top of it i day dream about her. ill imagine a scenario where we both get drunk at the bar like usual every week and we'll pass each other on the way to the bathroom and ill just go for it and pull her in behind me and fuck her again.
i check to see if she watches my instagram stories level of pathetically-not-over-it. internally i so so so desperately want to be on good terms and spend time with her again. i am actively fighting with different parts of my brain. one part is hopelessly alright with how she’s been treating us and just wants to do it all anyway, throw self respect to the wind. one part is so incredibly irate about all of it and wants her to leave us alone because she’s been nothing but horrible in reality. one part understands exactly why she’s all wound up the way she is and understands why she’s treating me like she is. one part thinks there's no excuse for it even if i understand it. one part thinks i've been as equally horrible to her as she’s been to me. it's all so very confusing internally and i know what my perception is of the situation but sometimes i do wonder if im the fucking crazy one who makes no sense. idk
i think i miss having someone i'm really connected with. like i don’t have anyone real who i can talk about my life with or just enjoy stuff with. i just really miss it and im really lonely. i'm in a weird kinda bad lull with all of my friendships independently of each other right now and it's kind of killing me. idk if im focusing on this thing with this girl because im lonely or what. i don’t knowwww
im legitimately considering texting her and asking her to meet me for one last drink to just ernestly try to get to a common ground one last time before wholly writing it off. i don’t know if that is just an urge to continue the same shit we've been on or what. i'm also kinda scared she’s turn it down because honestly at this point she might and i think that'd hurt. idk
yeah so i'm weak i posted this and thought about it for about 5 minutes and texted her and asked her to meet me to talk and she said yea. so i guess im doing that now
yknow tumblr is a dangerous fucking place because sometimes someone will just say some shit like this to you
like yessss tear my fantasies right out of my pretty little head and lay them down in front of me and give me the permission i think i was looking for by posting this godddddddddd
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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