andisigned for hope

So I can’t brush my teeth. Like, it’s the worst kind of hell. I went to the dentist for a cleaning today and I told the hygienist this, and she was wonderfully helpful.

There are some incredibly soft toothbrushes available- namely, post-surgical brushes. Running them under hot water makes them even softer.

She told me that you don’t really need to use toothpaste- it’s mostly marketing. The foam gets to me, so that is really reassuring.

She gave me two particularly soft brushes and some xylitol gum. Trident is a market brand of xylitol gum, which helps with your teeth and can make your breath smell better.

The whole purpose of brushing is to disrupt plaque buildup. You don’t need to brush twice a day, every day with toothpaste if you brush correctly- little circles, focusing on near the gums (where most plaque builds up). So if you’re having a bad sensory day and can’t brush at all, it’s not the end of the world.

Hell, you don’t even need a toothbrush if even the post-surgical ones are too harsh. Going over your teeth with the same motions using a washcloth is enough.

She wants to find a fluoride rinse that has a taste I can stand (peppermint is the only mint I can stand) but she’s not particularly worried about it.

I go to Dr. Barr in Chicago. If you can get to the State St. Macy’s, his office is nearby. He’s very kind and patient and really understanding of my needs as an autistic person. The hygienist, I don’t know her name, announced everything she was going to do before she did it, and stopped frequently to see how I was doing.

This is really the only positive dentist I’ve ever had- past dentists have been too rough and not bothered to help find ways I can actually brush.

Many people write about us with beautiful words, and express our pain through poetry and music, but the truth is, that doesn’t ease what we are going through. We don’t just need words, we need real support to keep going.

Every day we try to hold on, but the exhaustion keeps growing, and the fear never leaves us, especially with my father’s illness and his constant need for treatment.

Please donate to my family . If you are able to help, please don’t let this be just something you read and move on from.

Thank you to everyone who truly cares and tries to help.

If you happen to be aro and ace, you may have seen a new ace flag floating around:

This was made by Instagram Black ace activist _aceingrace_ (see their profile here). The yellow stripe specifically stands for intersectionality and multiculturalism (plus joy), something that I think would be a nice addition to the aromantic flag (or any flag that doesn't have that, for that matter).

If you're wondering what was wrong with the original flag, it's the white stripe, which stood for "allosexual partners and allies", something that didn't sit right with many aces for obvious reasons.

Something similar is going on with the white stripe in the aro flag: it's defined as such:

the ‘platonic’ stripe - friendship/platonic and aesthetic attraction/queerplatonic relationships/family, the importance and validity of all non-romantic relationships and feelings and non-romantic forms of love etc.

That doesn't sit right with me as, without any shoutout specifying it's not a universal aro value and experience, it leaves aplatonic and loveless aroa estranged from their own flag.

So I've made an attempt at a new aro flag. Here it is:

I wanted it to match the new ace flag so we finally have the same amount of stripes!

It is not meant to replace the original aro flag, but rather be displayed alongside it for those who find it meaningful.

I just need the community's feedback on what meanings to assign to each stripe! Please, if you're aro-spec, take a couple minutes to fill in the form.

If you're an ally please please please spread this around!

Tagging some blogs for reach, please ask if you'd like to be removed!

@aromanticofficial @aroworlds @aromantic-official @our-aro-experience @our-arospec-experience @our-aroace-experience @aroallo-culture-is-archive @arospecawarenessweek @aro-polls @aro-and-trans-thoughts @aroaceqoutes @alloaroworlds @aro-culture-is @aroapl @aro-positivity @aro-pride-stuff @loveless-aro-culture-is @lovequeerblog @lovequeers @aspecpplarebeautiful @aspecpolls @a-spec-unity-blog @a-spec-community-issues @a-spec-tacular @aroacesafeplaceforall @our-queer-experience @queer-polls

Aro and ace activism is healthcare reform, so that no one needs to rely on a spouse for health insurance, so that healthcare is available to everybody regardless of income, so that no one’s lived experiences or basic dignity are dismissed or overridden by doctors

Aro and ace activism is well-funded and expansive public transit, so that you don’t need to have someone on hand to drive you places if you are incapacitated, so that you don’t have to pay for an ambulance if you need to get to the hospital quickly

Aro and ace activism is disability and elder care services, so that no one needs a spouse to care for them, so that no one needs children to care for them, so that marriage is not a bind for disabled people, so that people on disability who want to and can live alone can

Aro and ace activism is community-building, it’s public events, it’s free social activities, it’s mutual aid, it’s activities that bring community members together without socializing relying on just a romantic partner

Aro and ace activism is developing a culture of believing when people tell you who they are and what they want rather than assuming you know them better than they know themselves