I am so tired of feeling lonely and trapped in my life. I want to restart from scratch and make entirely different decisions. I would have never worked at a place I would get stuck at, and I would never meet all of the people who slowly influenced me to ruin my life and abandon all of the potential I used to have. I hate being alive and I want to kill myself with every fiber of my being, but I know that people depend on me and would miss me. That in itself is part of the source of the misery. I don't want people to miss me, I don't want people to rely on me, im tired of taking care of other people. I do nothing thag I want to do. I am not allowed to pursue my own happiness.