The Hamburgler

Reblogging this once more because my mom and I legitimately laughed to tears.

this is my favorite video on the internet

mental health tip: save this video. watch it when you’re sad. it’s the best goddamn thing on the internet

THIS SPEAKS TO ME ON A MOLECULAR LEVEL RIGHT NOW.

You are witnessing a broken human being

This is actually me like constantly now

The older I get the more I identify with this when I come across it

when welcome to night vale said: “Sleep heavily and know that I am here with you. The past is gone, and cannot harm you anymore. And while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first, and settles in as the gentle present. This now, this us, we can cope with that. We can do this together you and I.”

look, hamilton is great and everything but I’m pretty sure lin manuel miranda’s crowning achievement and most hashtag relatable content is that one vine where he’s lying in the grass going “come on brain, think of things, come on brain, be so smart”

Agreed.

I’m here, I’m queer, and my joint pain is moderate to severe

tumblr is like a group therapy with no therapist.

a group

breaking bad, fight club, rick and morty, clockwork orange, and the catcher in the rye are all arguably good things - but if a man says they are his FAVORITE book/movie/tv show? RUN.

Can someone explain this to me?

They’re all works that are examinations of compelling but deeply flawed (usually narcissistic and violent) men. People rightly like all these works because they are good, but the implication of the original post is that if a guy says they are his favorite work, he is probably misunderstanding the point of the work and instead idolizing the male protagonist and is unable to recognize their flaws.

Basically, ask why they like it. If they like it because they think it’s well-written and made, you’re probably good. But if they want to be like Walter White, or Tyler Durden, or Rick Sanchez, or Alex DeLarge, or Holden Caulfield: yeah, RUN.

Finally I can reblog this post.

This also goes for Mad Men, run like hell from any guy who identifies with/idolizes Don Draper

“It’s a satire. Many don’t get that… My daughter had a friend named Max. She told me ‘Fight Club’ is his favorite movie, I told her never to talk to Max again.” David Fincher, director of Fight Club 

I WAS EXPECTING INSTRUMENTAL INBETWEEN THE YOUNG MEN BUT THIS IS INFINITELY BETTER IM CRYING

WHAT IS THIS I’M SCREAMING

I can’t believe, in an industry ripe with falsehoods, you managed to list everything that actually exists

I had to spend $300 on a new car key because I left them in an Uber and the driver refuses to return them for some reason. I’m going back to Lyft. It’s more expensive in the moment, but the $3 more I would’ve spent on a Lyft was $296 less than what I ended up spending on the uber that still won’t return my property.

So they holding your keys hostage? What kind of shit is that

Is the Uber driver giving an explanation for why he won’t return them?

When I called him, he yelled at me that he was driving and hung up right after. Uber told me to give it 24 hours to see if he reaches back out.

@momo-mania I reached back out to uber because the driver is ignoring my calls. They sent him a message. Guess I have to wait another 24 hours.

What kinda fuckery is this?

This may be a stupid question but; have you considered contacting the police? Refusing to return your property is as good as theft, surely?

Nopes. Police only recover keys if its an industrial building. I called non emergency today and they said it would be useless to file a police report. I’ve exhausted every measure. Social media, uber support, the police, all of it. And none of it worked. 😭😭😭

dude won’t even mail them?

An Uber driver stole my phone. I got in contact with him a day or two after it happened and he just said “you can get it but only if you come by yourself”. I tried contacting Uber again and again and even reported him…but the nigga still has my old phone. It’s cool though, karma will get him.

I went in to try and report him and uber had blocked me soooooo 🤷🏾‍♀️ I guess they rock w him. I’ve tried to explain that this man has access to my house and car so many times and I guess they were like “we sure are tired of this bitch…… blocked”

Aw hell nah! that’s some bullshit. I would call Al Sharpton, Help Me Howard, Iyanla Fix My Life, TMZ, shit someone to make this publicly known 🤷🏿‍♀️

I had an uber driver openly solicited me for sex, after I made a clear refusal. So yeah uber drivers are usually trash

I dmed the CEO. Wish me luck on a reply y’all.

don’t you just love how mental disorders are basically buy one get seven free

I didn’t even really want the first one my mum made me buy it

Mine’s a family heirloom, passed down through generations

People often say they hope their deceased pet dog is chasing squirrels in doggy heaven… what did all of those squirrels do to deserve an afterlife of torment?

Dog heaven is also squirrel hell it’s a very efficient system.

i can’t stop fucking laughing at the thought of squirrels sinning so much in the mortal plane that they have to be sent to squirrel hell to atone

They know that the bird feeder isn’t meant for them

As a former catholic I can tell you the accuracy of these statements is spot fucking on