schizodefective

I’m an avid journaler. Have been for several years now. So, naturally, when I learned I was autistic I wanted to know if there were any specific spreads out there that I could use.

After a short search on the internet…I found nothing. There weren’t any clear and obvious journaling tips for autistic adults.

So I made my own.

I started by thinking about what would help me gain a better understanding of myself now that I know I have autism. Trackers and logs were definitely big ones, but I also didn’t know a lot about stims and needed a way to track all these realizations I was having about myself, at present, and in the past.

I began by brainstorming some ideas and thinking about what these spreads might look like. The habit tracker was an easy one, as it’s a widely used bujo spread. But I thought about how I would put together a grid to learn more about stimming. And at the bottom I wanted to add in information about burnout and shutdowns/meltdowns along with some selfcare tips if I experience burnout. It’s my own mini selfcare package that includes stimming, special interests, and favourite foods.

I also made a monthly/future log for the first time that would actually be if benefit for me. One of the hardest things for me is keeping track of bi-weekly or monthly tasks like changing my bed sheets or washing my weighted blanket that I sleep with every single night since the day I got it. So I planned out, on every Sunday, I would do one of these monthly tasks. Mostly so I don’t go way too long without washing my sheets or my water bottle.

There were also other areas I wanted to explore more, such as masking and what that’s looked like in my life so far, and thus how to go about unmasking. Also making lists of my favourite foods, my special interests and hyperfixations, and any repetitive restrictive behaviors I recognize within myself.

Thus, I sectioned these items into logs. A basic table where I can list these types of items and keep track of them.

Gathering all this information together helped me realize specific ways I could use my bujo to help me understand my Autism while also keeping record of my journey and building healthy habits.

The spread I use the most, however, is the one I call Autism Realizations. If you’ve been diagnosed later in life you know exactly what I mean.

For those of you who don’t: it basically means we have these moments of clarity or curiosity where we realize something we did as a child, or even just the other day, and they can be linked to autism.

For example, I have always sucked at sensing when I’m hungry or thirsty and will wait until I’m starving to realize I need to eat. This is what we call poor interoception, which is very common in autistic people.

I like to write these things down as I think of them. For one, it gets it out of my head and onto paper, and two, it acts as a record of my autistic journey that I can look back on. I also believe it could be useful if I ever need to explain Autism to someone and how it’s affected me personally as with this spread, I can provide very specific examples.

Have you created any useful or fun spreads for your Autism?? If so, share them in the comments below or tag me in a post on insta! I know if I come up with anymore ASD spreads you will be the first to know.

Source: https://bonnieterrylearning.com/blog/spelling-auditory-processing/

The Decisive Deficiency: Make a choice? Between multiple options?? ON THE SPOT?? Death would be kinder.

The Memory Misfile: That thing that happened to me literally five minutes ago? Uh, are you sure that wasn’t someone else? I think I’d remember if that happened to me ahahaha-

The Food Fulfillment Fallacy: I ate breakfast an hour ago and I’m still full, but I’m already munching on snacks just to give my mouth something to do.

The Cosmic Cadet: Shh I am just... Dude I am literally just... Bro I am literally just vibing.... 　.　　。　ඞ.　 。°　.

The Hyperfocus Hole: I decided to research Peruvian cultural dishes on a whim five days ago and now I’ve bought a plane ticket, three cookbooks and the beef from 100 cows. I can’t remember what the sun looks like anymore.

The Gaming Gatekeep: I want to play this game. I REALLY want to play this ga- Suddenly it’s two hours later and I haven’t even made it past the start screen.

The Argumentive Andy: We’ve been having this stupid fucking fight over which seasoning is better for the past hour and I know it’s pointless and will only hurt our relationship but also if I admit I’m wrong I will DIE.

The Depressive Deep Dive: Yeah uh [taps mic] brain says no more happy juice today, used the last of it on that game we beat. Orders are to... [checks notes] Lay around feeling bored and empty until we fall asleep.

BONUS:

“Here are the illuminated / cities at the center of me, and here is the center / of me, which is a lake, which is a well that we / can drink from, but I can’t go through with it. / I just don’t want to die anymore.” — Richard Siken, from Saying Your Names

“Now my wishes are down to two: Staying alive. And wanting to.”  — Traci Brimhall, from Dearest Thanatos,

“I don’t want to die. I just want / a little goddamn rest / and a small enough love / that I can breathe around it.” — Nathaniel Orion G. K., from Wake

“In other words, I am not ready to die yet / because didn’t we say we’d have a picnic / the first hot day, I mean, / the first really, really hot day? / Taqueria. & swim, kin, / & mussel & friend, don’t you go, go, no.” — Aracelis Girmay, from I Am Not Ready To Die Yet

ADHD is living in a constant state of sleep deprivation as we try to fit our lives around a 9-5 work/school schedule not designed for us as our circadian rhythm kicks in much, much later than neurotypical peoples, making us natural night owls.

ADHD privilege is forever feeling overwhelmed and like you’re never achieving anything, because unlike neurotypicals, you don’t get a hit of dopamine for doing simple tasks like folding laundry or remembering to take care of yourself. You’re not bad, lazy or worthless. You’re literally not getting enough dopamine fo your brain to work.

ADHD privilege is having our meds be extremely hard to get because neurotypical people who don’t need the same chemical brain support as we do abuse them the shit out of them then claim they’re bad. And no, reliance on a medication that helps you is not addiction, you are not weak or failing because you need meds. Also side note: addiction is a mental illness and it’d be super swell if people could stop demonizing it and using it as justication to deny people help!!!

These can include things like reward systems or using timers, like I mentioned in the notes of this post. Or you can look at books like:  Driven to Distraction by Dr. Edward Hallowell,   Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD by Susan Pinsky, which I have found to be immensely helpful. Another firmly loved book by the ADHD community is You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo. At present, I am currently reading René Brooks (fabulous ADHD advocate on Twitter, highly recommend following them) collection of books and workbooks that she has for sale on her website. The ‘Clean up the Trash’ bundle is great cause it has a really in depth look at how to clean your home (and stay on top of things) from the perspective of someone who has ADHD, as well as offering a second book on how to deal with toxic people, and how they affect people with ADHD, and how to deal with them. I’m about halfway through, but the cleaning house advice is by itself, worth it for me as I use it and Pinsky’s method to cobble together a working system that also accommodates my physical disabilities. 

The ADDitude website (x) also has frequently helpful articles and resources on what you can do to better help yourself. Even if you don’t have ADHD, a lot of the things we do help executive dysfunction, which overlaps a lot of other mental health disorders.

If you do want to seek out a diagnosis on your own, you can take a look at this self report test, and us it to approach a therapist or psychologist, letting them know what your concerns are, and what you need help with. ADHD specialists do exist, although many of them aim their focus toward children/teens. Adult ADHD specialists are becoming a thing, but very slowly. (Most of them are also therapists with ADHD, who are realizing how traumatic and harmful it can be going through life thinking you’re lazy, stupid and crazy) The ADDitude website has some resources for that also. I find a lot of helpful things on that website tbh.

- The picture test: If you can’t tell if something is a hallucination or not, take a photo! If it shows up in the picture then you have a keepsake of that crazy creepy Halloween decoration. If not it’s a hallucination (or a vampire. No, i’m kidding it’s a hallucination.)

- Is some kid in mask causing paranoia? Ask them where they got their costume. Did they make it? How did they get the idea? Focusing on the person inside of the costume will help you remember that it’s just a person!

- Avoid haunted houses, haunted hayrides, ect. Actors will not stop scaring unless it’s an emergency, and I’ve yet to find a place that teaches actors how to deal with anything other than physical injuries. (I once met a haunted house actor who said causing a panic attack meant he was “doing his job right.”)

- There’s no shame in asking friends and relatives to avoid sending jump scare videos or anything else that could cause paranoia.

- Here are some tips on how to tell if a video is a screamer.

- (from freeasthepaperburns) Boggart it! If something is making you upset, make it silly. dance with the shadows, sing to the creepies, I bet if make a fish face at the scary face it’ll be a little less scary. I know this is harder than it sounds, but I’ve gotten better at it over the time, and find it helps!

Why do I keep losing things? Aka Nothing good has ever come from trying to "just not forget"

(I whipped up a quick comic cause I had a joke on my mind, but I'll be doing a whole graphic on coping with memory issues!)