Last year, I wrote something to you on your birthday, and this year I continue the tradition.
How do I start? Well for starters, I remember you in bits and pieces, and I am proud to say, *drumroll please*, I am not angry at you, nor at this thing called “my feelings for you”nor myself (a big deal).
I’ve learned to take it slow. To embrace this lavender haze.
There’s a new me on the horizon and she doesn’t fear love, and she embraces the need for it. I’d love to hold someone’s hand in this life and walk through it. I’d love to share a bed, split the rent and serenade songs with someone.
Papa told me “Even if it’s imperfect, it’s yours” and it made me reflect on all my relationships and even if flawed, how much I cherished them.
One day, I hope to embrace my future partner the same way.
For a second, in your eyes I felt destiny take over me. The world was kind that day, the breeze was gentle and for a second, just a second two souls collided.
Even if I don’t ever get to call you “lover of mine”, I hope you know, in my mind’s eye you always stand tall and shining. That even if not forever, I felt proximity to you.
Maybe in an alternate universe, if not in this one, I’ll love you like my 21 year old self would have wanted. That maybe in that Universe, we own a high rise New York apartment, and in the intimacy of twilight I read this letter out to you, cringing.
Maybe, someday, or in some life we are lovers- Our slates are clean, just twin earth signs, four brown eyes.
Maybe you’re my Jake Gyllenhall or Maybe my Joe Alwyn.
Okay now, I am just finding excuses to write to you.
Once again, Happy Birthday.
I hope you have a great one.