Who Even Knows Anymore.

You are transported back in time and into the body of a young noblewoman in the 1400s. Your parents have married you off to an awful, abusive, rapist husband whom literally no one else would marry despite him being very high nobility because he's that terrible. You successfully produce a baby boy and then plan to murder this man for the good of everyone and yourself. Here is the question: do you think you could murder him in a way that is undetectable to the historical people around you? Note: they aren't stupid, you are the prime suspect as the battered wife AND you can't just say poison. Where are you going to buy poison? Do you know anything about poison actually? NO GOOGLING! You were sent back without a plan!

Edit: my notes are full of murder. I love you all

Edit: to clarify about the poison, you can use poison if you actually know how to identify it, I'm saying you can't just go "Poison!" with no knowledge about poison. Buying it probably means they know that poison and you're caught. Your personal knowledge when you read this post is all you have.

Another point of clarity: You went through all that trouble to have a baby without modern medicine so you could get the sweet house after your husband died. That's why you can't be caught. No disappearing.

Edit again: Air embolisms are going on a high shelf because the syringe won't be invented for 350 years. Prove to me that you could make one from scratch, lol

I promise to stop making edits (lol): I left the country vague because I just wanted to see ideas for modern vs. past. Whatever place you are most knowledgeable about

(when bloodymary got together during karaoke night. like 20 seconds after)

The Original PHM Crew + others were placing bets on if/when simon and grace would get together or not. Ilyukhina was their biggest supporter. Simon was very aware (ilyukhina told him) he found it funny. Grace had no idea.

Elrond: Alright, everyone listen up. We elves have 4 methods of dealing with Accursed Fucking Objects™, as demonstrated by my four parents. 

Number 1, the Elwing Method or Mom Method. This is to hide the accursed fucking thing away and keep it safe and close. This is highly not reccommended if the object can take over its user like the ring can, and Sauron will be searching for it, so this method is out of the question. 

Number 2, the Earendil Method or the Dad #1 Method. This is, send the accursed fucking thing across the sea or to some higher power. According to Mithrandir, the Valar will not take it and Tom Bombadil wants nothing to do with it, so this is also out of the question. 

Number 3 is the Maglor Method, or Dad #2 Method. This is to yeet the accursed fucking thing into the ocean. In this case, it is not a good idea as Ulmo will be very upset and we will still have to contend with Sauron. 

I like them as a soft couple, I like a soft Grace. I like him being gentle with Simon, who has had so little gentleness. I like him dressing his wounds, I like him showing him the stars, I like them laying on the beach, I like them cuddling, I love it I love it I love it.

But I had a different idea. Grace is a scientist, and Simon is an absolutely irresistible subject.

Grace spent the last few years of his life (prior to the Hail Mary's launch) getting basically everything he asked for, science-wise. If he needed it, Stratt got it to him immediately, without question. He hasn't seen another human in years. He's had his sense of what is normal to ask or do to something who is of scientific interest to you completely skewed by Rocky, who was not only absolutely desperate to talk to someone when they met but also very close in personality to Grace (I absolutely believe the theory they did all sorts of weird shit to each other on the way back to Erid to gain a better understanding of each other's biology).

He figured out how to breed astrophage, he figured out how to get astrophage populations under control, he discovered and studied an alien species, he participated in the construction of his own habitat on a hostile alien planet. Grace fucking loves science, it's his calling. Simon is his next project delivered neatly to him, only missing a bow.

I like the idea of him pushing when Simon refuses to talk about something or let him perform an experiment or look more closely at some part of his body. Surely Simon would just understand the necessity if Grace explained, right? It's for the greater good.

I like him having to be reminded that Simon is a person, that he needs to look at him as something other than a subject. I like Simon pushing back, lashing out. I like Grace not having the intention to hurt him, but getting angrier and angrier when Simon forces him to leave his questions unanswered; Simon realizing that part of the reason his partner values him is because he quite literally wants to study him like a bug.

I like Grace being the bigger freak, okay! I like Simon being a murderer and cultist but Grace having the capacity to be the worse person in their relationship! I'm just fucking gnawing on it. Especially because you could go as dark or as goofy with it as you like.

Simon Iron Lung Fanart 🩸

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A markiplier shaped mutated fish monster climbs out the blood ocean wyd