Amanda Kelly Pfeiffer

What if I told you that your nightmares are not just dreams? ~Greg Hagan ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stepping up is tough, and I drew this picture for multiple reasons. Mainly, I heard my favorite Manga artist, Kohei Horikoshi has been receiving death threats from FANS! What the heck!? Here is a guy who has worked his way very hard to create his own series and it is going well, but just because he is advancing the plot of some less liked character, he is receiving all of this. Normally I stay out of political junk because it just not my cup of tea. But this is not cool! As someone who can seen what comments and ways people can mess with you first hand can do. I have a VERY hard time with this and would hate to see my favorite artist stop or worst just because he is trying to shad a light on a character that was abusive to his family in the past. I get it, maybe this hits home for some people that have expedience abuse first hand, I CANNOT speak towards that. But what I love about My Hero Academia is that Horikoshi is willing to allow us to see into characters like Endeavor and Bakugo, who are marked as intense or evil, although they are heroes. And they deeply desire to be heroes, but are going about it the wrong way. But Horikoshi shows us their other sides, their regrets and trying to fix that in their own way. 

As a teenager I was always told I was too intense and just too much. I even was told I would not marry until I am 30 or later. I had to work through that, but I really do not care anymore. Because I love myself even if others do not understand me all the time or see my motives. I have also seen my mess ups and have trained and worked to make sure others can understand me and communicate my feelings and thoughts. It was NOT easy. That is why I love Bakugo and Endeavor. Bakugo was me as a teen, and I did stupid things that I am learning to fix and become better. All this to say, I am thankful for once I can relate to characters and not feel weird for being that angry teenager, and more interesting Bakugo is one of the favorites in the whole series. It gives me hope to see these characters see what they did wrong and fix it. I hope fans and others can see that too. Plus, how can Horikoshi advance the story without telling this part? He is giving people hope and inspiration, and I cannot be silent about people giving him a hard time. He continues to inspire my artwork and mind as I write my own manga. I just hope people can see that and Horikoshi will not be discouraged in their comments. Just be thoughtful and kind people, this hate is really unreasonable.

So I am here again, the sunset is calling me. Guess my time to leave is soon. Ha... Remember that time I tricked you to get on a log that lead nowhere and threw you over into the river. Yeah, that was great. Although you would say otherwise. Or that time I saw you cry, you couldn't stop. We cried together holding each other. I wished that moment wouldn't have ended. I wish I could be there for all of it. I wish I could hold on to this time and place with every fiber of my being. But my soul is that of a Nomad's. Always knew it, since a child I wanted to run away and leave. Not because of anything or one. But because I just did. You may not know this, but I use to sneak out at night when no one was around, my mother had a beautiful white rose garden. I would lay on the stone path looking at the moon in its many different phases. Counting shooting stars and reaching to grab them. So far away, so distant, so bold on their paths. I wished on so many of those stars.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I know there is beauty here. And most of it is because your here. But I know I have to be like those stars going boldly into the unknown. Why? Because maybe someone will need that wish that only my bold light can give. Know that those moments together are what keep me shining bright.

Thank you!

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These are moments I have rearranged in my life to twist into my story. I have been busy and running around like crazy building more memories and preparing for more stories and fun to come. And expanding my own mind to reach for more. I am not sure what lays ahead, but I would never want to know the whole path... Because wheres the growth in that?

Working on character designs today preparing for something fun and big. But It is hard when my mind is an endless play ground. Just when I think I have exhausted all possible ideas for something, something else is thrown in and takes me for a loop. But you have to start somewhere to get anywhere. 

Howdy all! Been awhile. Life continues to keep me busy especially as I push forward in sharing and cultivating my dreams. Hehe! I could not help but draw my favorite troublemaker, Cecil, from my manga. 

But please keep in mind that my manga has NOTHING to do with Avatar series or anything. But dreams! So in dreams you can do some awesome stuff. Cecil is showing some of that off. ;) I have always believed people to share traits with the elements. But I do not think it is one element. I think it can be a mixture. I myself seem to be lightning, earth, and fire. Haha! Too much??? Nah. At least not in my mind. I wonder if you know what elements you have in your soul?

Wake up is the real theme right now. I have been awaken. Comfort seeks to put me to numbness again and sleep. It is not the way I am meant to go. I cannot have a job that is meaningless and then go to a bar trying to numb my senses so I can keep doing this over and over. I cannot do that. I will not do that. I dream, but I wake up. I remember my dreams so I can go after them, and not just forget the dream I was given. My destiny I know is for God. I cannot go back.. I am done with that. So stop trying to chase me down. Because if you try I will bite back. This is my life, I was given only one. I refuse to spend it in a cage under a collar and leash of comfort. Comfort is seen as good, but to me it is death. I escaped it, and it keeps coming back for me. It lies and tempts me seeking to snare my life that I was given. But I have a weapon that will always get me out of its snares, that is my Lord God. He is more powerful then your desires to cage my thoughts and feelings. I cannot return to that person you knew. they are gone and replaced with one that has lost their life, so I can gain the truth and set others free. I am the sword. I am not going to be numbed, I am going to live! Because God has awaken me. Goodbye comfort, your chains are gone. I'm free.

Also... Where are you!? Why are you sitting here just reading this!? Get up! Where are you in this battle? There is a whole world out there going upside down. People dying from depression and killing themselves because you could have been there. You should do something about it. "What if I fail?" you ask. Good! I have failed over and over and I am sure I will fail again and again. There are too many people waiting for you to come alive! I hope I inspire you! But please STOP idolizing me! I am not some star or seeking fame. I am seeking to wake you up to what God has for you. But whether you accept it or not is ALL up to you. What do you choose?

As for me... Do not worry, I am the avant-garde for you. I'll be on the battlefield bleeding my last breath out making a way for you. 

Sincerely.

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Can’t do that. Should hold back. 

Look I’ve dealt with enough cages and running away. This is my passion! I’m done letting you get in my way.

“Step back and watch me burn.”

If you still don’t get this, then here is my reason.

Some exciting news! Looks like I will be going to CSULB(Long Beach) this fall for my BA in studio art. Considering how hard it is to get into the program I feel incredibly lucky and only thank God that I have gotten this far, as things have been really challenging. But Like this song says; “I hear a voice calling.” and Its overwhelming. But will I make it? That is still yet to be seen.

Thank you... For without you I’d be.

But when you offered your hand to me and you showed me that I am not the only soul like this. I saw a similar soul like I have never before. I want to become.. that soul I am looking at. You gave me hope.

Yay! So I finally finished this piece for my AMAZING roommate Kayla Sweeten! Although this did not exactly happen like this, we have shared great moments together and this discovery moment did happen. I love that I get to share a room with someone so understanding, patient, and willing to go with my craziness. Being both science nerds and lovers of intellect, I get to chat with her about movies, psychology, or owls(She likes birds if you can’t tell). Oh! And we go on fun adventures and play Call of Cthulhu, where I am the money bank and she is the Sherlock(That is how I it. :D). I feel so completely blessed by God that I have her in my life and get to share these kinds of wonderful moments.

Been a crazy busy week and life, but I truly would not have it any other way! Although days get tough when people ask “Why?” “Why do you drive yourself so hard?” “Why are you pushing so hard?” Why why why... Even I have to ask myself this question. Or at least I use to. But it is REALLY hard to ignore the Lion under your bed. This song totally captures how I feel almost each day. I know this sounds/seems silly, but I really have been needing to accept my uhhh.. “Lionhood” if that is a thing. But it is impossible to not get up from your bed when you feel such a push. It roars at you and will not let you go. And believe me I have tried! I seriously felt like Jonah in the body of the whale, but sometimes you have to be pushed into the uncomfortable to become who you are really meant to be! Or as I like to think of it now, “This is destiny.” So I feel like Keith at times, just wanting to run away from his leadership. You get use to living like a lone wolf for so long... And then life demands more. Your wolf nature is good and helps, but maturing that lion is more important. 

Gosh I sound crazy I am sure. :D But I think you feel me.

Is it okay if I play a Melody? Is it okay if I let you see my dreams?

Battered and scared are on repeat. But I think you can see. Share the same scars, just a different beat. 

I learned from my lessons just filling in the message. Life is brutal. Do you get the message? I think you do, so here's the lesson.

Abracadabra abracadabra abracadabra is the message. Don't get it? Then look up the passage. Don't believe it? then that's a pass up. But as for me this is my message.

How can it be? How can you see? How can this be? Don't you get it?

You sit there blind and dead. I can't stand it. I picked up your bones, that's just messed up. In the corner stands the true mess ups. They stole your life and I cannot stand that fess up! 

Say I'm changed. Say I'm drained. Say I'm different. it's all the same.

Now as for me, I cannot stay. I hear it now. I have been changed. Can't step away.

I wish I could stay, but that won't change. I'm not Iron Man. I'm Victor von frankenstein. Don't get that reference, then look up the functions to my madness. It's electric. Lightning contrast best within the blackness.

I'm sick of the weight, just want to create. My inventions shall tell the message. 

Still don't get it? Who called you? Who gave you the message? Didn't you read it? I already said it."Abracadabra" is what I said.

 Do you get the message?

Title: Abracadabra, the ring masters.(And there's no typo)

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Someone told me my art seems angry... or mad. Good! I think you'd be mad too if you'd picked up his bones like I did. If you'd seen what suicide can do. How can I not be mad?! And when I hear things like what Logan Paul(A youtuber) did I get upset. I have only watched what others said, but the fact that he laughed at a suicide, I cannot forgive. After going to a suicide funnel in Japan a few years back, it changes you.

So I am not sorry for being mad that such things happen and people think these real thoughts. And how can I not want to keep others from sharing his fate? This is what I want to prevent! This is a main reason I am working on my manga. I want to talk about this! It is not funny and people think these things everyday. 

 Victor Von Frankenstein only wanted to prevent death from it's reign too. Don't worry though my monster will not eat brains. I just want to prevent anymore from sharing this same fate. I hope I made that clear.

A piece from one of my daily journal entries that may give you some light for the day:

“So like NF, maybe I need to build a true following. And I know I am doing that now. I can see it... I have people messaging me to do art, or what I am up to. It amazes me how attractive I have become through this. But I cannot submit to that. These are just a little bit of a following, I think I need to go deeper and give these people a taste of what lies deeper, shallow waters are not my thing, I am a flipping great swimmer and can keep up with anyone when need is there although it has been a long time since I have swam. How? Because I am determined as hell, because I know myself and my calling. an old friend texted me(will not include name) saying he does not know what to do with his life. I know that is hard, but I normalized it and said we all do. But as much as I want to help him.. I cannot. That is not my role, he has to find that for himself. Just like I did. This process is hard and tough. I wish I would have sought it out on my own a long time ago, but no... I was looking for someone to follow someone to help me and control me. But that is not me. That is not who God has created me to be. My story is not one of the person on the sidelines waiting for someone to call my name to join the fight. I have already been called! I was in fact the one running from it, but now I am stepping on the field. It feels mighty alone, but when I look in my side corner I see a band of people stepping beside me... Not behind me, I am no leader in the traditional setting, nor am I setting up to be just that. I want these people to stand up to their own battles. I want these people to join the fight with their gifts and strengths of their own! My strength is only one piece to this epic story. I know I am a landscape... I know I am a fire meant to ignite you. Or as I like to say; "That creative spark" that inspires you again. I want to give you that space to see that the black and white lines never were there, and although it is gray... It is giving you space to grow and become who you were meant to be. Will you open your eyes and ears? Will you hear the siren calling you? Come on.. join the fight. I am waiting for you to join the battle along side of me, my reader.”

A little into my daily thoughts and drive. This song “Know” by NF feels so real for me. That desire to want to know what it is like to live a full and wonderful life! I hope you want to know that as well.

I once loved and respected you dear sister. You were the one I thought had all the answers, until you realized it was only the beginning. Then I lost you... You became this creature... You are endlessly... relentlessly... trying to conquer it... You seek for the possibilities that have not been even devised. But in your endless pursuit, I lost you... To this beast and it’s insanity. You devoured all I knew and loved with your quest. That is why I must end your rampage for I am the only one that knows your twisted game and what you seek to conquer.

But I am fearful that the same twisted helix is also running through my veins. Regardless, I cannot stand aside and allow your madden quest to continue.

I just wish you realized that Neverland never existed. 

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YAY! Finally completed this cute Manga for you all! This is just a little exaggerated story of when One of my roommates brought home a little Christmas Tree for us. I grew up with fake trees, so I thought it was fake till she told me... And I still am not sure if I believe it... Myrrh(The tree’s name) is rather clean....

Anyways, this is serving as a test manga as I finish up script and roughs for my dream manga. But I thought you all would enjoy a good laugh, and my wit. ;)