hola muchachos;

there she goes again, daydreaming about her future house and how she’ll decorate it knowing she can’t afford a house in this economy ever. and by she i mean me.

It’s like Jenny slate says. Who can never be sure

You know what absolutely boggles my mind? That healthy people exist. Genuinely healthy people. No mental illness, no physical illness, no chronic illness. Just healthy. What a life that must be. 

do any of you regularly think “FUCKKK i started talking about myself again im so conceited” while having a normal conversation with someone 

I’M JUST TRYING TO BE RELATABLE TO HELP EASE YOUR PAIN: a novel

today my gf said “when donkey asks shrek what his name is, shrek pauses before he says shrek, and i’m convinced he came up with it on the spot.” we weren’t even talking about shrek. i can’t stop thinking about it or about how lucky i am to be with her

shirts, socks, underwear, and shorts are the “meat” of an outfit because you feed them to the washing machine after one use. jeans, jackets, scarves, and some hats are cartilage because you use them a few times before washing them. shoes, belts, and jewelry are bones because the washing machine cant digest them. this concludes my TED Talk

You telling me the washer vores my clothes

okay listen im fucking SICK of how this site treats “vore” as a synonym for “eat”. vore is SPECIFICALLY when you can see the outline of the person being eaten and/or see their distress as they travel down the throat and into the stomach. just eating something isn’t “voring” (not a verb by the way) it any more than calling someone a dickhead and punching them is BDSM. i hate that you put me in a situation where i had to write this paragraph and i hate that i knew enough to actually write it

do u ever think about how much you’ve changed in the past 2 years and ur just like, thank god.

*looking at a photo of myself* oh … oh my god do i just walk around looking like this

my kink is seeing customers try to open the doors after we’ve locked them for the nighg and getting to ignore them when they try and make eye contact like no bitch!!!! ur not coming in!!!

how do i uninstall anxiety

me, remembering i have nothing to live for: i should do my makeup

:(