still here...

She had never seen Sesshomaru here, though, in those fifty years. Then again, it wasn’t like she’d spent most of her time here anymore. Maybe they had missed each other, like two ships in the night. Maybe he had avoided meeting her here, one of the few remaining links to a time and place long gone.

To her surprise, Sesshomaru continued talking. “It is odder that you are here.”

What a peculiar statement. He sounded almost curious. Kikyo rubbed her wrist slowly as she considered his words, his tone, but she couldn’t read the intent behind his impassive expression. “Is it? I lived here. My sister lived here.”

His response surprised her. “They lived here.”

He didn’t need to clarify for her to know who he was talking about. There was a small pang in her chest, a tiny ache that even time couldn’t entirely remove. It was funny; perhaps it was true that one could never forget their first love. Her flames of passion had died down to embers, had crumbled into ash, but every now and then she could still feel the spark of memory.

It was a bittersweet feeling.

“Strangely, I think that’s what connects me here.” Kikyo brushed a stray lock behind her ear, her fingers tangling in her thick hair. Her eyes lowered as she tried to explain. “Kaede did not have children. I will never have any. Kagome…she was and wasn’t me. Her children come back every now and then. Some even live here. They aren’t mine. Yet…I still feel a connection to them.”

Sesshomaru’s posture didn’t change the slightest as she spoke, but somehow it still felt like he was bending toward her, like a flower to the sun, his attention solely on her. When she finished, he quietly stated, “It is not strange.”

She jerked her head up, looking at him now. He sounded almost empathetic. “It’s not?”

“No.” Sesshomaru turned in the direction of the graveyard, his expression soft. “We all need connections.”

It was an oddly human sentiment. Perhaps Rin had impacted him more than she’d thought. Kikyo chuckled softly, caught up by the bizarreness of the situation. “I never thought I’d hear you say that.”

“I never thought you would be friendly with a demon.” His lips quirked again and she could hear the delicate touch of mirth in his voice. Who would have thought she’d live long enough to hear him tease?

“We’ve both changed.” She couldn’t deny his words. Kikyo rubbed her wrist thoughtfully as she glanced down at the village, at the house that used to be Inyuasha’s and Kagome’s. What had been the trigger for it all? The day a teenage girl crawled out of a well? The day Kikyo had died, making an impossible wish? Or even before that, when Inyuasha had first approached her, when a connection had formed that even reincarnation couldn’t break?

“Do you miss him?” Sesshomaru asked, his golden eyes unreadable as he studied her.

It was like he could read her mind. Kikyo shook her head. “We meet every now and then. Despite his wanderlust, Inyuasha never really goes that far.” She could guess why—Kagome’s grave tethered him here, just as her death left him aimless.

“That’s not what I meant.” Sesshomaru’s eyes remained on hers. It was as though he was searching for something. She didn’t know what.

“I know.” Kikyo pursed her lips, considering the question. “I will…always feel fondly of him. It’s impossible not to. But…” She smiled sadly.  “Time has a way of erasing and changing things. I didn’t think there’d be a day when I’d call him friend and be happy for it.” When Sesshomaru didn’t say anything, she added, “I consider you one too.”

“Friendship…” Sesshomaru’s lips curled down slightly at the word. He regarded her before turning around. “You smell of earth.”

“Earth?” Kikyo raised a brow, bemused. Had she offended him? “What do you mean?”

Without another word, he sprang off the ground, his figure rapidly disappearing into the distance.

“Still an enigma.” Kikyo muttered, looking down at the spot he’d just stood at. Purple caught her eye, and she crouched to find several stems of bellflowers on the grass, the purple stars contrasting brightly against the green. “When did they get here?”

Every movement of Sesshomaru’s was thoughtful, calculated. She doubted he’d just forget them here. Kikyo picked one up carefully, twirling it in her fingers as she considered just what they could possibly mean.

-x-

Wordlessly, Kikyo gazed around Sesshomaru’s imposing stronghold. It wasn’t the first time she’d been here but she had forgotten just how massive the towering castle was. These days, she spent most of her days wandering from village to village, living in single room huts and sleeping under trees. Even if she took all the places she’d lived in and added them together, they would only fill a fraction of the place.

Even this smaller, more intimate dining room was finer than anything she’d seen in either of her lifetimes. Candles lit the room, illuminating the rich tapestries decorating the walls in their flickering light. Plush cushions lined the floor. It was a decadence she didn’t associate with Sesshomaru. She was far more used to him wandering through the fields, moonlight on his back and grass under his feet.

“I inherited it from my father,” Sesshomaru said, and she contemplated once more if he could read her mind. Inyuasha had once told her about his canine senses, how he could pick up information from listening to her heartbeat and paying attention to the minute shifts of her scent. And he was just a half-demon—Kikyo wondered just what the world looked and sounded like from Sesshomaru’s view.

“That explains it.” She had heard of his mother’s palace, how graceful it appeared, and the stark difference between both of his parents’ tastes was apparent. Kikyo glanced at the short, round table laden with food between them. Mouth-watering smells assaulted her nose. “And this?”

“I selected those,” he admitted, watching her carefully. “Eat.”

It was an order, but she could see the way his eyes followed her movements, as though confirming which dishes she favoured. The next time she came, she could already guess what she’d find. “It is not like I need to eat.”

“You don’t,” he acknowledged. “You prefer to.”

It was a confident statement. It was also one she couldn’t deny. Kikyo chuckled as she helped herself to a pork dumpling. “That is true. I feel more…alive. Human. When I do so.”

The bun’s heat warmed her fingertips. With her second ‘life’, she had discovered the pleasure of life’s simplicities, particularly that of warm food. Taking a delicate bite, she peeked up to find Sesshomaru was still watching her. Swallowing, she cleared her throat and asked, “To what do I owe today’s pleasure?”

“Nothing,” Sesshomaru replied simply, his elbow on the table, his chin on his hand. She wondered if he’d sat here with Rin before, if this pose was as natural as it looked. “I wanted to eat together.”

“Just that?” Kikyo took another bite, the filling falling apart in her mouth. She hadn’t expected to find a chef well-versed in human cuisine here, not this long after Rin’s death.

“Is that an issue?” he asked, raising a brow. There was a touch of playfulness in his tone, one that she couldn’t entirely discount as her imagination.

“No, not really.” She smiled softly. There were only three, these days: her, Sesshomaru, and Inyuasha. Only three that remembered a war over a jewel, only three that remembered the bloodshed and strife that had come out of it.

Only three that remembered all who were lost in their near immortality.

Sometimes, she found herself longing for companionship too, on the nights that stretched endlessly, on the days that melted into one another. Kikyo met his gaze. “I like eating with you too.”

If she didn’t know better, she’d think he smiled at the response. “Good.”

They continued eating in silence, Sesshomaru only plucking small, choice pieces as the night wore on. It seemed neither of them truly needed to eat tonight. Kikyo hid a laugh as she carefully doled strips of roasted chicken onto her plate. For all the differences in their upbringings, cultures, or even experiences, it never failed to amaze her the odd ways they were the same.

“I would invite you for dinner next time, but…I don’t even have a place to offer you.” Kikyo idly stirred her miso soup as she contemplated her meager belongings. “Perhaps I should bring something instead.”

“No need,” Sesshomaru scoffed, immediately dismissing the idea.

“True enough.” Kikyo laughed mirthlessly as she considered just where she was. “You must have everything.”

Sesshomaru’s golden eyes pierced hers. “Not everything.”

She couldn’t read his expression, only the intensity. Suppressing a shiver, Kikyo asked, “What’s left?”

He didn’t say anything and she held her breath. They were waiting for something. A signal. A sign. She didn’t know what or why. She didn’t even know if he’d seen it before he picked up his drink once more and changed the topic. “Any strange incidents on your travels?”

Her shoulders relaxed as the moment broke, though she couldn’t deny a tinge of disappointment. “Nothing we haven’t seen,” she replied, accepting the new course of conversation. Kikyo had never been one for small talk but it rarely felt like idle chatter with him. “War still exists but…it seems to have reduced. Stability is forming. Perhaps my services won’t be needed in the future.”

“I see.” Sesshomaru gently swirled his drink, his eyes watching the ripples thoughtfully. “And the flowers?”

“So that was on purpose.” She had spent the last couple of weeks mulling over them. “They were lovely. What were they for?”

He merely gave her an indecipherable look before changing the topic once more.

-x-

Kikyo was used to bumping into Sesshomaru three, maybe four times a year. Her paths were erratic, with her barely knowing her destination more than a few days in advance. The times she encountered Sesshomaru, she had never been certain if it was a mere coincidence or if he had specifically sought her out.

 Today, she had no such doubts. It was fairly obvious when Kikyo stepped into the open field, her senses leading her straight to his familiar energy, that he had planned tonight’s encounter. Seated cross-legged on the ground, the moonlight reflecting off his silver hair and white kimono, Sesshomaru was ethereal. He seemed less real than he did during the day, as though he were a being brought about by the full moon.

The bottles of sake next to him revealed his intentions and Kikyo smiled as she gracefully sat down next to him. She picked up her cup, running her fingers across the cool ceramic rim. “It has been a while since we viewed the moon.”

“For a dead woman, you are surprisingly busy.” Sesshomaru leaned closer to pour her a drink. His long hair swept over her shoulders and tickled her neck before he pulled away. She suppressed a shudder, but his smirk told her he’d caught that.

“It is hard to keep still with everything around me.” Kikyo studied the moon in her drink, watching it ripple in and out of sight before drinking the bitter liquid. It was an acquired taste, but a century was enough for it to go down smoothly.

“That altruism is what killed you,” Sesshomaru commented as he poured himself another cup.

She couldn’t deny it. “True, but I prefer it to indifference.” Kikyo turned to him. “There are—”

Her words died as she finally noticed Sesshomaru’s position. It wasn’t unusual for them to drink together, even side by side. What was perplexing was just how close he was. His knees grazed hers as he set down the bottle, his arm brushing hers when he sat up. Kikyo couldn’t be imagining the way his touch lingered. Just when had he moved?

“Do you still wish to die?” Sesshomaru asked when she didn’t finish her sentence.

“Why…” Stirring out of her stupor, Kikyo could only stare at the miniscule space between them. Sesshomaru said nothing and she knew he wouldn’t answer that line of questioning. His odd movements would have to wait.

Tapping her cup, she considered his question. How many decades ago had he offered to kill her, to let her leave this plane of existence? To let her finally rest, to stop wondering just what her purpose was? Something had stopped her from accepting it back then, something she was grateful for now. “Not anymore. I do still wonder why I am ‘alive’.”

“And what is your conclusion?” Sesshomaru asked, sipping slowly.

“Nothing. I still haven’t found the answer.” Kikyo shrugged, looking up at the bright moon. She briefly wondered if there was a princess up there. “Still, I am grateful. As ironic as it is, I am finally experiencing life. I’m not quite ready to return to the dead yet.” She paused, remembering his words from long ago. Her voice lowered unconsciously. “Do you still find that pitiful?”

“No.” His response was immediate. She jerked her eyes down to meet his. As ever, Sesshomaru’s gaze was unflinching. “I prefer this too.”

Prefer. Of all the words she expected to hear from him, that wasn’t one. It was an oddly strong emotion from the impassive lord. “You do?”

“I do,” Sesshomaru replied simply. “Have another drink.”

-x-

Kikyo was not a fool and this wasn’t the first time she had met an enamoured demon. Her life was full of them, for some reason. By the time she received her fifth gift, Kikyo had to admit that this was less a series of odd coincidences and whims and more a serious, meticulously thought-out plan.

It was impossible not to guess the purpose of Sesshomaru’s movements. Still, she had to check. The silken kimono in her hands was too obvious to ignore and Kikyo finally asked, “What are all these gifts for?”

Sesshomaru’s lips twitched, and she recognized the barely concealed mirth in his eyes. “You finally asked.”

So he had noticed how she’d avoided the topic. Kikyo sighed. “I had to. I couldn’t think of any more excuses. And? I need to hear you say it.”

“Courtship,” he admitted without further fanfare.

The word rang in her ears. For once, she wished he had been the type to beat around the bush. Despite anticipating that response, Kikyo still felt a shock run through her at his husky voice. Her fingers clenched the silken fabric tightly. “I thought you hate humans.”

“I hate most.” Sesshomaru kept his gaze steady, leaving her without a place to hide. “Some are fine. You should know that by now.”

“I do…” Kikyo sighed. It really wasn’t like her to need the obvious pointed out. She had seen him with Rin, had even attended their wedding after all. Still, she couldn’t stop the words tumbling out of her mouth. “And I?”

“You are an exception.” His lips curled into a smirk and the amusement was back once more. “You also aren’t human.”

Another thing she couldn’t deny. Kaede had died. Kagome had died. Rin had died. Their children were old, their grandchildren with little ones of their own. Yet, Kikyo still wandered the earth pointlessly, long after her time had come and gone. “I suppose not. If…” She paused, licking her lips as she contemplated her words. “If I wished to die now?”

Sesshomaru studied her for a moment before giving a curt nod. “Then it will be at my hands.” He paused, his eyes dark. “But I will not enjoy it.”

“I see.” The choice was still there, it was still hers. It was a comforting feeling. If she wanted to, she could end it all. Smiling, Kikyo inclined her head. “I will think about it.”

If there was one fortunate thing about their immortal existences, it was that time was a luxury.

-x-

It was rare to surprise Sesshomaru, but Kikyo doubted the demon had expected her to appear at his abode of her own accord so quickly. It had only been a week since they’d last seen each other, a week of her mulling over his words even as she slowly trekked across the land to his home.

The slight widening of his eyes was the only indication she had of his shock. Chuckling, Kikyo entered his castle and followed him to his study. A spacious room, it was full of scrolls and carefully hand-copied books, the smell of ink and paper so thick that even she could smell it. His eyes didn’t leave her once.

Kindly, she spoke first. “I have thought about it.”

“And?” he asked brusquely. Perhaps even his patience was starting to run thin.

“First, I want to know why.” Kikyo clasped her hands in front of her as she regarded him. They had been friendly for decades now and while they were closer than when they’d first met, she doubted she’d done anything to grab his attention.

Sesshomaru fell silent, seeming to mull over the question. His expression didn’t change when he finally uttered, “You interest me.”

“Interest.” She pursed her lips, though it didn’t sound like an insult. “That’s hardly romantic.”

“Neither of us are romantics.” Sesshomaru’s lips quirked. “I do not have an answer.”

That surprised her. “You don’t?”

“Not a simple one.” Sesshomaru looked away now, his gaze distant. “I am accustomed to you. That turned into desire. Is anything else required?”

His answer was as straightforward as she expected. She chuckled. “No, I suppose not.”

Truth be told, she had grown accustomed to him too. While she wouldn’t go so far as to claim desire on her part, she couldn’t deny that it had sparked an interest. And with this new lease on her life, Kikyo had long learned to stop denying her own wishes.

“I was a romantic once,” she admitted. “It’s harder to relearn. But…I would like to try.”

He inclined his head, something akin to satisfaction crossing his face. “You smell of earth.”

“You said that before.” Kikyo cocked her head slightly, trying to puzzle out his intent.

“You used to smell of graveyard soil and death.” Sesshomaru approached her. His hand cupped her jaw, his claws pressing lightly against her skin. “The stench of death has long left you.”

“Oh.” Kikyo blinked, surprised. “Even though I’m dead?”

“You smell of life now.” He dropped his hand before turning and leaving the room. “It’s a full moon.”

Kikyo stared at him as he lingered by the door, waiting for her to follow. She glanced at her hand, still made of clay and dead souls. For a long time, she had thought of herself as infringing on the living, but it seemed that was no longer the case.

She smelled of life.

The thought pleased her. Kikyo chuckled as she stepped forward. “Is this another courtship ritual?”

Sesshomaru merely smirked.

-x-

If asked, Sesshomaru could not say just when he had started to pay attention to the former priestess in his arms. At some point, his eyes started to follow her. At some point, he started to search for her energy signature, her scent.

At some point, he listened for her voice.  Perhaps it had started over a century ago, when she had first saved Rin with her arrow, when that icy, bitter woman had softened for a child.

It didn’t matter, in the end.  He was a demon. It was enough to know that he desired.

And that desire led to this moment, to the two of them quietly sitting on the terrace as they watched the moon. In a rare moment of honesty, Kikyo was leaning against his chest, relaxed in a way she never allowed herself to be in the daylight. Their drinks sat on the side, forgotten as they both basked in the silence.

There was no need to fill the empty spaces with words. Kikyo tilted her head up slightly, her dark eyes reflecting him.

Of all the things Sesshomaru expected to inherit from his father, his affection for humans had not been one of them.

Yet, he couldn’t complain as he dipped his head down, closing the gap between them. As his fingers threaded in her silken locks, as her eyes fluttered closed, as their lips met in a familiar dance. As a strange sense of peace and contentment filled him.