marzi

ok guys you know i don’t often talk about canon/postcanon timeline skk but honestly its because i know if i begin i will get sucked into an endless rabbit hole. How can i possibly talk about this without foaming at the mouth? imagine how they feel about each other.

chuuya about dazai. dazai was the only “friend” he had in the mafia that had been with him since he joined. dazai helped him avenge all the other friends chuuya had that were murdered, both the flags and in the dragons head conflict, and as much as he might’ve hated the bastard, he made sure the sheep weren’t harmed and he always made battle plans that would give chuuya the choice to use corruption or not. they were together for so long, longer than any other friendship either of them had. Chuuya knew dazai was an extremely strange boy. despite his clown facade he could see glimpses of the sheer sadness and emptyness behind his eyes. Chuuya had gone through plenty of painful things himself, but he fought through it, the pain growing with him into his strength. and he wondered about what happened inside dazais head for him to be so utterly detached, so hollow, so sad. dazai saw chuuya suffer endlessly as a human, yet all it took to abandon him and his life in the mafia was odas death. just as in beast, he leaves with no word, no explanation, no goodbye, a relationship built on trust and unspoken respect. Chuuya, for as long as he could remember, was betrayed and abandoned and betrayed and abandoned and betrayed and abandoned over and over again. he knows damn well you can rely on no one but yourself, everybody leaves, everybody lies, and eventually dazai did too. he shouldn’t have been surprised but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. chuuya was left with a feeling of rage, pain, disappointment and hurt, yet again. yet again, the feeling buried behind his chest through the years, eventually becoming one more bitter experience that came back to the back of his mouth every once in a while when he thought about it.

dazai about chuuya. dazai was a child alienated from every adult in his life, always considered nothing but a monster and someone who you must never come near to. he made a friend, for one. he met a kid his age who he could play video games with and play prank wars against. he could mess with him and although they often found each other annoying, they were kids together. chuuya inspired him to keep living, at least to see what else could be out there, and while obviously oda was the nail in the coffin that made dazai turn sides, chuuya was the one who over the years shaped him into a better person and taught him about ethics (not in the most ethical ways but whatever). still dazai was born alone, he lived alone, and he would always be alone. on his hands there was a black sticky liquid that rotted everything he touched. he figured if he used gloves or was very careful of his every move he could go on about like a normal person but eventually everything and everyone around him stained, and the only way to prevent it was to not touch anything and stay away from everything he could slightly care about. chuuya was the complete opposite of him, his facade was of rage and annoyance but he had a heart so human and so big it couldn’t fit inside his chest, and personally i feel like dazai was deep inside at least a little jealous and grossed out by it. when oda, the only person who didn’t seem to rot away by the black stains died and he left the mafia he obviously couldn’t just delete chuuya from his mind, all those years of mutual respect and shared late childishness. he knew what chuuya had gone through, he knew he was an absolute piece of shit of a person for becoming just one more betrayal in chuuyas book, and he did it anyways. it became something that didn’t sit right with him for years.

years pass and their feelings, complex and painful, settle down in strange ways and aftertastes. you meet someone again, and they are a different person, and you are a different person, but the two children inside you are still best friends, soulmates, and you still know their worst fear and their deepest wishes, but you don’t know who will they hang out with on friday night, or how their job is going. you have to get to know each other again, you already know everything about each other, you know nothing about each other. theres a thousand things you want to explain, to cry on their shoulder about, to yell at them, so many healed scars to show them and so many open wounds to shove in their face, to forgive them, to tell them how much you resent them and forever will, to not say a word at all and yet have them understand all of it.

i personally think their relationship in their adulthood has so much to talk out and come to terms with, but they were partners for so long and so much love doesnt just disappear. if they acknowledged all the things between them that have gone unspoken since they were children they would make a great true couple.

1. because of how deeply they know and understand each other and how they always cared for each other wether theyd admit it or not and