a l u m i n e s c e n t

BLACKOUT | Ao3 / *FFN | A Criminal Minds fanfiction | Rating: Explicit | The first part of a two- to three-book series called Illuminate.

Genre: Tragedy / Angst / Dark / Crime / Mystery

BLACKOUT SUMMARY: 

“I couldn’t protect him, Dave. Within half a year, I’ve failed him twice.” Aaron balanced his head onto his fingertips. “You didn’t fail him, Aaron. Not now, and not when Maeve was murdered. We’re a team; no one is at any greater fault than the other for what’s happened . . .” Aaron let out a heavy, lamenting sigh. “For this unsub—whatever the motivation was before, subjugating a law official is going to give him a transgressive high. Reid’s time with him—however short or long—is going to be unpleasant.”

Peculiarly dismembered men are unearthed in the forest, and the locals request the assistance of more experienced investigators. The profile is complex and mercurial, leaving the team without substantial evidence to work with. So they wait on their perpetrator to ignite a series of events that will supplement their data for assessment. They don’t foresee that data being one of their own. Darkness descends.

And yet.

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ILLUMINATE SERIES SUMMARY: The depth of anguish that Spencer Reid falls into after Maeve is murdered seems so profound that those around him aren't sure they can help him find purchase on solid ground to walk again. Then an abyss opens its maw, swallows him, and hides him within its shadowy bowels. It seems the grace of light will never be able to reach him.

And yet.

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SPOTIFY PLAYLIST This playlist isn't in any specific order. As mentioned for the playlist description, it depicts a spectrum of moods/scenes for the entire Illuminate series—from soothing to psychedelic, deranged to dazed, romantic to wrathful, anguished to ambitious—in the views of the protagonists, antagonists, and all who fall in between.

The genres are vast—from Alternative Indie to Folk music to Screamo/Rock Ballads, from Instrumental to Smooth Jazz to Electronic/Experimental, from original works to artist covers, from English to Japanese to French to Xhosa—and spans many decades.

Though some of the music is intended to pair with specific scenes and/or characters, I'll leave that to the listener, as portions can pertain to multiple scenarios and characters. Some of the music is intended for future events not yet unfurled in the series.

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Back in July you mentioned spring 2026:3

I was wondering if there’s any tiny chance it might come out a little earlier or if the timeline is still the same?☺️

Sorry if I’m bothering you, I’m just really looking forward to reading it😸🫶

Heyo! You're not a bother at all, but I do think about the hope I had back in July constantly because . . . Simply put, it will be a miracle if manage to start posting in the spring, because I have barely gotten any farther than I was back when you first messaged me.

This is genuinely proving to be one of the toughest, most emotionally and mentally draining years for me, ever, and we still have 28 more days to go for the universe to knock me around. I'm not even saying this to be overly dramatic. I genuinely thought I might try to see the good in my Life Change after the bad that had caused it in the first place, but the universe says otherwise.

Am I writing? Absolutely when I can, yes. But barely—due to my low bandwidth. I unfortunately can't make any promises at this point that anything will come out in the very near future. I don't want to set my readers up for disappointment when nothing comes to fruition when you're in expectation of it. What I can promise is that unless I'm literally dead, there is a continuation on the horizon because I'm 100% determined to finish the story. I'm just so sorry for being slow about it.

Heyo! Thank you so much and welcome to Tumblr! Sorry that I don't have much on here 😅

Hey there, and not to worry, you're not a bother at all! I'm always so amazed that people are still interested in this story 😭. I'm definitely still writing, but it's taking far longer than I anticipated for this next installment. I've also been experiencing some ongoing life-altering issues these past few months that are getting in the way of my writing consistently (but bonus, some of these problems are assisting me with a couple plot points in my fic so . . . let's go, I guess). Trying to see the the silver lining with these, though, and trying to keep a positive attitude. Timing wise, I cannot make any concrete promises as to when I might start posting.

I'd be happy to share a couple of updates, though (under a read more, because, as always, I'm long-winded):

Hi All! I know it's been pretty quiet on my end, and we're getting to the end of 2023 to soon traverse into 2024. That begs the question: Where are does Part 2 of Illuminate stand?

Well to reassure you, this is a positive post to say that there is definitely a continuation in the works. I'm more desirous than ever to post book two (title still undecided!), and every time I'm listening to a podcast or podfic/fic via TTS, these give me more ideas and continue to spur me on.

Alas, the spirit is eager, but the flesh . . . you know the rest. I have a heavily fleshed-out outline that—despite its heftiness—still needs a lot of cleaning, and I'm currently in the works of writing some scenes out. There's clear direction of pivotal events that occur in this next book—but with some significant gaps that still need filling.

However.

Between owning my own business and also having additional employment (because times are tough!), and also having had a daunting/exceedingly busy summer filled with multiple personal issues, my timeline has been pushed back significantly. I also severely underestimated how much time I'd need to write this second installment, thinking it'd be easier than the first time around since I had more background material to build upon. How foolish of me to think that; Book 1 took me—no lie—more than a decade to outline/re-plot/re-outline and write—on and off—as the show series progressed and I was given more and more canon material to work with, although the bulk of it was written in 2020/2021.

While I'm not saying that you guys won't see me for another 10 years, I am saying that more time will be needed for me to finish writing this next installment and then cleaning it up (hopefully more neatly than the first book so that there aren't massive gaps between updates). I honestly don't anticipate this taking more than another year and some months to write and spruce up. Hopefully.

I'll definitely keep you all posted on progress, and I know that I still owe some fic recs! As I type, I'm actively downloading/organizing my faves in a Google Drive folder and trying to select the crème de la crème of these for you all, but it's a huge undertaking (much like everything these days, it seems).

Also, I have a new CM fic in the works that I might need to get out of my system in the meantime, or that I might write up after the Illuminate series is done. Preferably in between so that my sanity is kept in tact. It will definitely have all the warnings needed, and I'm still debating if it'll be a complete DD:DNE or if I'll have some 'healing' or an open-ended 'bright horizon' thrown in the end. Debating on if its limited third person POV scene or if I take a stab at omniscient POV.

Hi there!

I'll do my best to answer! Under a read more, because I'm terribly long-winded.

BLACKOUT

“I couldn’t protect him, Dave. Within half a year, I’ve failed him twice.” Aaron balanced his head onto his fingertips. “You didn’t fail him, Aaron. Not now, and not when Maeve was murdered. We’re a team; no one is at any greater fault than the other for what’s happened . . .” Aaron let out a heavy, lamenting sigh. “For this unsub—whatever the motivation was before, subjugating a law official is going to give him a transgressive high. Reid’s time with him—however short or long—is going to be unpleasant.”

Peculiarly dismembered men are unearthed in the forest, and the locals request the assistance of more experienced investigators. The profile is complex and mercurial, leaving the team without substantial evidence to work with. So they wait on their perpetrator to ignite a series of events that will supplement their data for assessment. They don’t foresee that data being one of their own. Darkness descends.

And yet.

---

Blackout 46 // Epilogue: Departures AO3 / FFN

“This must be monumental for you guys.”

“Mm.” Neither Aaron nor Alex broke their gaze from the sight before them.

“Not gonna lie,” Luke continued, clearing his throat. He grunted again, and there was still a catch in his voice. “It, um—I don’t even know Agent Reid like that for me to feel any type of way.”

Aaron finally looked over at Luke, whose hands were tucked in his pockets. Indeed, there was a glint in the agent’s eyes, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. The corner of his mouth tipped up.

“You have personal history with something of this caliber, Luke.” Aaron looked away again. “Nothing to be ashamed about.”

“Mm. Yeah.”

“Okay, wait, ack—it’s caught—it’s in the—”

Luke chuckled. “She’s hilarious. He’s gonna need that.”

To this, Alex and Aaron smiled.

Reading your story I felt so seen. I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD and I've had a hard time accepting that diagnosis but I think that getting to see Spencer's thoughts through this journey really helped me feel more normal. And it also happens to be a wicked coincidence that my trauma is also connected to the deaf community and overbearing parents. I hope it's ok to say these things. Anyway thank you so much.

Hey there, dear Anon,

Words cannot convey how overwhelmingly heartwarming this message is. Thank you so much for having taken the time to read this story. Not only is it a monstrous read in length, but I know the subject isn't easy, and some of my angles/character views aren't everyone's cup of tea. So thank you. I know that there are other writers who approach the subject better or more concisely than I do, so I'm always honored for these kinds of responses. I do my best to give each angle the consideration (and sometimes objectiveness) they're due and have been overwhelmed by research so that I don't fail readers who might find themselves depicted in my story in one way or another. In doing so, I've found so many perspectives to consider that I realized that what I wanted to write couldn't be condensed. I think everyone—everyone, no matter who—has a story to tell, and they all need to be listened to with some measure of empathy.

The fact that you felt seen touches me. Trust me when I say that when I read this, I wanted to reach into my screen and give you a squeeze. No one's situation is the same, but we're all on this ball hurtling through space, and it feels good to be validated through characters who battle with their feelings of highs and lows, intrusive and introspective thoughts, fears and triumphs, and all that fall in between.

I'm honestly so soft for you right now, and I wish you all the good. It's okay to say whatever you feel. No shame here. Again, thank you, thank you 🧡🧡🧡

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While I'm here (and I hope you don't mind me doing this while responding to your DM, anon) I want to mention to everyone that I have responded to everyone's DMs, whether privately or publicly. My default is to respond to anyone who DMs me on their account privately, but if you want your message and my response to be put out into the universe because you feel that others can benefit or because you're not shy, start your message with the following bolded text:

[PRO]

for 'public response okay' — and I'll respond publicly. If you haven't received a response from me, then the response has been gobbled up by the internet, so message me again, so I can respond.

BLACKOUT

“I couldn’t protect him, Dave. Within half a year, I’ve failed him twice.” Aaron balanced his head onto his fingertips. “You didn’t fail him, Aaron. Not now, and not when Maeve was murdered. We’re a team; no one is at any greater fault than the other for what’s happened . . .” Aaron let out a heavy, lamenting sigh. “For this unsub—whatever the motivation was before, subjugating a law official is going to give him a transgressive high. Reid’s time with him—however short or long—is going to be unpleasant.”

Peculiarly dismembered men are unearthed in the forest, and the locals request the assistance of more experienced investigators. The profile is complex and mercurial, leaving the team without substantial evidence to work with. So they wait on their perpetrator to ignite a series of events that will supplement their data for assessment. They don’t foresee that data being one of their own. Darkness descends.

And yet.

---

Blackout 45 // Thresholds AO3 / Recommended only to be read on AO3 due to skin formatting

Thank you so much—hoping the new year is treating you well!

I'm sorry for being a bit quiet these past few weeks; I had a huge project, and it's finally over—phew. But despite this, I got so much writing done and I'm so, so close to finishing up this chapter. Like . . . I'm like 93% there! I also got amazing additional inspiration for the next book that works so well with what I've already outlined.

Thank you so much for your patience :'). I've just posted a chapter preview and I hope it can hold everyone over for a little while. My writer's block cleared up a little and it afforded me hours of material to type away instead of getting any proper sleep. I just hope I can continue taking out larger chunks instead of the little chips so that this next chapter can be posted!

“Our discussions will be completely up to you and in your control.” 

“You do what we say.” 

This was wrong. His body was not his own. He knew this. He was theirs. Theirs.

“We can go at a slow, easy pace for just brief moments in order to help alleviate the emotions that may be overwhelming you. If I ask you a question that you don’t want to answer, you can simply tell me.” 

“All the time.” 

“Is there anything that you want to talk about? Why you’re not sleeping, perhaps?”

Once he processed the words, there was an immediate shift, and the room rotated with no discernable axis. A wall was a floor, a ceiling now a wall. The bed was a prison, and beyond it loomed the threat. Them. The woman and the man. 

They would drug him. If he slept, they would drug him, and he would awaken—

—covered in a sheen of sweat, nauseous, and with a swelling headache.

—and then he would find—

—something slick between his buttocks.

—that he’d been violated in some way while he slept.

“—encer—you’re safe—in a hospital—no one—hurt you—”

Heyyoooo, please don't look at my shame.

I've got another few weeks to go before I can be held accountable for my words, right?!

But in all seriousness, I promise you that I'm indeed plugging away at this chapter whenever I can. It basically needed to be been rewritten from scratch, which is making me crazy, and due to its length and format, I'm debating splitting it into two chapters and releasing them both simultaneously or just keeping it as one heckin' long chapter. We shall see.

On the bright side, I've barely needed to touch the epilogue aside from minor editing, so once this chapter is finally posted, the final chapter shouldn't take too long to post afterwards. I say this now, but the stars might realign . . .